I don't know

As I said earlier, I know what my grandfather wouldn't want me to do.

The problem. The problem I couldn't quite get to as I wrote earlier. The problem is that I don't know what he would want me to do.

And he isn't here to ask.

And that is the reason, one of the many reasons, that I miss him today.

I'm in need of a little direction, a path even slightly hopeful, some tools to deal with the tools who keep calling me at work and leaving nasty messages for my boss since "we" lost and "they" won.

Perhaps it's better that he isn't here to ask. In the days after 9/11 my dad said to me,"I'm glad Robbie isn't here to see this." I'd been thinking the same thing. And, as much as I'd like his help I think I'd be ashamed to have to have him see what's going on today.

I'm ashamed anyway. It's disgraceful.