Overuse

Remember when a

SPECIAL REPORT

interrruption on TV meant that something BAD was happening? Super bad. Heavy and bad and scary and possibly life threatening - to the lives of the people watching.

Perhaps it's just the time I grew up in. And my rarified terror of dying in a nuclear first strike (thank you Matthew Broderick, Leah Thompson and War Games). These are the things that we got a Special Report for when I was a kid. Libya. Tianamen Square. Russian Tanks. Do not ask why, with this in my head, I decided to move to the pinnacle of first strike targets. Let's just assume that I'd like to go quickly and not delve any further.

Don't get me wrong, I feel for everyone involved in the Tsunami and I do feel we should help but Bush wanking off on how sorry he is for those people is not Special Report material. Plus as soon as he was done talking about the relief for those people the questions are all about his idiotic war and his unbelievable mishandling of Iraq's new government.

I believe that W is going to give us plenty of opportunities for Special Reports. The real ones, the ones where we need to stockpile water and throw funerals and hug our children extra tight.

This is not it. And I do not need to get that cold pit of fear in my heart and stomach every time the Special Report logo comes on. And I do not need to listen to this ass monkey any more than necessary.

Sigh. Yes, I'm so dissatisfied with everything. If I ran the zoo....