Tuesday, September 20, 2005

And we're back with the gratitude

On a sunny day in September of 2001 I arrived in the elevator lobby of one of my favorite companies for my last day of a temp gig. Someone joined the gathering crowd and said, "I just saw on the screen in Times Square, someone flew a plane into the World Trade Center." My thoughts went something like this, "Oh for fuck's sake! Some JFK, Jr. motherfucker has just ridden his joy into a major metropolitan area. What an ass! That's my train line, it's going to take me for frigging ever to get home." As a matter of fact I went upstairs and called Carmencita and asked her to walk the pooch because I wasn't sure how much transit snarl there'd be.

And unless you've had your fingers stuck in your ears and been singing the La La La song for the past 4 years you know the rest of that story.

After all that it became easy to squelch the 1980s voice in my head ("me. Me. ME!") whenever there was a problem. Crowded train? Eh, I'll wait. Detour? It's an adventure. On wheels! Citywide blackout? No problem, I'll walk, I've done it before.

Today it took a bus, 2 trains (no, 3, no, 2) and a whole lot of extra walking to get to work. As I found a place to stand in the sweaty mob at 42nd Street waiting for the third train I heard an announcement that there was a police investigation at Bowling Green. It was at this point I decided to bag any more transit and walk. As I trudged against gravity to the street the following thoughts charged angrily through my brain, "Fuckers! Can't anyone keep their homicidal and suicidal and terrorist plotting mother fucking tendencies to the hours outside of the rush? Can't they see how inconsiderate this is? Thousands of people inconvenienced." ("me. Me. ME!")

So, it seems it's time for me to get my ungrateful ass back on the gratitude train. Take a look at these folks:

Marky B and C-ann.

On more than one occasion a version of the following conversation has taken place:

Kizz: Would you guys possibly be able to maybe do (insert name of incredibly intrusive yet creative and nutty plan I have concocted).

Marky B: Sure.

K: You can think about it. I know it's a lot to ask and if you want to discuss it and get back to me.

C-ann: Kizz, whatever you want to do, any time, we'll do it.

M: Yeah.

K: (stares dumbly)

Sitting outside a Dairy Queen in the wilds of Maine waiting to perform at a wedding our talk turned (fancy that, Hedda) to weddings.

K: I think it's crazy, completely nuts. But not necessarily in a bad way.

M: The more weddings I go to the more I'm glad we didn't have one.

K: I admire people who get married. I mean, you've got to be incredibly brave to decide to jump off a cliff with someone like that.

C: (thinking it over) I didn't feel like I was jumping off a cliff when we got married. It was more like stepping into...a bath..into warm pudding.

M: Mmmm, yeah, pudding.

This conversation made me feel inexplicably stupid and also made me love them more.

Marky B is a hard core New England boy. He builds friendships slowly and ours gelled when we were living parallel lives for a short time. As is mandated in the New England People's Interpersonal Relations Handbook he doesn't talk about the mushy stuff very often.

C-ann decided to forge her own relationship with me after they started dating and she and I had met. She called to tell me they'd gotten married in a family ceremony in a favorite restaurant just after Christmas. She's always the one that offers their support in everything.

We were rehearsing, a little living room concert at Queen Bee's house before the aforementioned wedding, and it was fun and I felt good and C-ann was taking the lead, being the impetus and I was grateful. We had a good run through, we felt solid so she said we could pack up. Mark said, "If it feels good that's your cue to do it one more time." So we did.

They're good for me and to me. I've got crazy ideas and not always the talent or resources to bring them to fruition. And I'm always willing to turn off the road a little early.

I hope I can be as good for them. I've got some ideas for how but I might need some help bringing them to fruition...

1 comment:

  1. If I can help in any way with those plans, you let me know. I'm happy to be participatory in gratitude of any kind... it's good for the Universe