Why I Hate Money

There's never enough of it.

Short post.

To be accurate I should probably have titled it, "Why I Hate Life."

Nothing is ever cut and dried. There are no sure things, no slam dunks, no absolutes. I'm a Capricorn (perhaps you've heard), I like absolutes.

ProfDoc made me this great Excel spreadsheet so I can calculate how long it'll take me to pay off my student loans. I mean, damn, if I do something that's borderline easily manageable I can pay it off in a year. A YEAR! How cool is that? (The flip side is she told me how to fix it so I could put in some other numbers and did you know that if I pay just $50 less per month it extends the payment period three whole months? Interest is mean when other people are charging it.) So, I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I mean, I'm a year away from being halfway out of (non-mortgage) debt. Yes, that sounds lame when I put it that way but it's a big deal for me. It's been a long time since I could see the end of debt and wasn't poised to add more before I got to that destination.

And yes, I understand that there's still the mortgage and I'll be firmly into Geritol territory before I have that paid off. I'm OK with that. Sort of.

So, I am filled with glee. Excel spreadsheets and views of the end of a tunnel do this to me. I am clapping and jumping (at least in my head). I am also thinking, "I could get TiVO. I could go to Club Med. I could buy that camera. I could buy the speakers and the iHome thing." My brain went on like this for a couple of days.

Then I tried to clean my glasses.

I kept cleaning and cleaning and still there was this one spot with a persistent halo. I squinted. Now, there has been a small crack in my right lens for over a year. I've had it looked at. Qualified professionals have promised that it wouldn't all of a sudden explode and turn me into Sammy Davis, Jr. (Why yes, I do know I'm going to hell.) So I haven't worried about it. However, it's totally spreading. It needs taking care of because that is what's making it hard to see.

No problem, I have an Excel spreadsheet that says I'm almost in the money!

I priced getting the lens replaced. OK, I priced getting both lenses replaced because they have anti reflective coating and if you just upgraded one it wouldn't match and you would go all insane like Sybil. (1 please, express. Hell, yes, that's my final destination.) I was thinking between $60 and $100.

Store 1: That'll be $189 if you don't want an eye exam. The ladies were also very nice and helped me figure out what questions I needed to ask at other places and were helpful, attentive and low pressure.

Store 2 (rhymes with Crenslafters): That'll be $240, but you should really have this extra thing which will make it $280, no mention of eye exam.

Store 3: What? You want me to figure out what the prescription is and match it? (heavy sigh) That'll be $315.

This is not a good trend. This means no speakers for me. No iHome. That last quote costs more than THREE iHomes, including tax! Fuckers. Back when I thought it'd be under $100 I was thinking about how much I'd like to have some contact lenses, too. I mean, it'd be so nice to be able to see when I perform, you know?

So then I felt crappy and like I couldn't be excited about having enough money because who knows, at any moment what seems like enough might turn out to be not even close to enough. This, people, is why I have rescue fantasies.

Then PapaKizz totally booked me 2 performances of my Shakespeare at his college, at the asking price and he's organizing a photographer to do stills of me and audience stills so I can prove that people have actually seen my show. But, while I'm super psyched about the fact that I'm doing the shows and can't wait to meet the students and have the experience, I don't have that elated Free Money, Wheee! feeling. Since I know that a chunk will go to transportation costs and a chunk is already being spent on the DVD shoot and there won't really be a lot left to speak of. Enough to pay the taxes and to get my lenses replaced probably.

Well, and maybe enough for the iHome.