Friday, October 06, 2006

Bite me

Would you bite this dog?

We're out walking this morning, as we do, and as we pass some old guy he says straight to the dog, "You bite me I'm a gonna bite you back." You don't need to worry about the dog, you old coot, but I might just go Mike Tyson on your ear while you're sitting your ass outside the liquor store at 11 o clock on a Friday morning. Fuck you and the cheap ass medicaid replacement hip your rode in on!

But I can't really be any madder at this guy than at the rest of them. I cannot begin to estimate the number of variations on this theme that I've gotten in the last 11 years. Once a policeman threatened to shoot her. Call me the idiot in this situation but if you're licensed to carry firearms and, in theory, trained to defuse altercations before they become violent should your first reaction to seeing a dog being walked on a leash 30 yards and a flight of stoop stairs away from you be to break out your low rent Clint Eastwood impression? No wonder this city is going to hell in a handbasket. (Also, you kids get off my lawn!)

I just wish they could all be like the lady we met a couple of years ago. She passed us on the fairly narrow path outside my apartment complex and she looked Em right in the eye and said, "You got pretty eyes." Then she looked up and me and said, "I"m scared of dogs so I figure if I compliment 'em they won't want to bite me."

Yes ma'am, and neither will their owners.


  1. You know I LOVE Emmie - and you and I have had this conversation before - she is an intimidating presence. With her ears and her sleek bod and her self-confidence, it's not a great leap to see how she can inspire fear in those who don't know how sweet and loveable and let-me-crawl-into-your-lap she really is.

    NOW, having said that, I'm going to add that these people who spontaneously come up to you and say things like these morons say need to be dope-slapped. Oh, and I couldn't agree more with you about the idiot cop; you should have gotten a badge number and filed a complaint.

    I love you when you're cranky. You're going to make a great old lady, you know that?

    p.s. - I started reading this worried that the title meant that Emmie had been bitten by another dog whilst out walking in the park. I'm very glad that I was wrong. Give her a big 'ole snoozle and a good scritching behind the ears from Auntie Chili, please.

  2. that first paragraph alone, made me practically pee. and after this week honey, I need a good peepee laugh. Bless your little heart and Em's too. xoxo

  3. She has actually been bitten 2 or 3 times. Fortunately this wasn't one of them.

    I guess I see where you're coming from on the way she looks but I think shepherds are all sort of cuddly looking, you can tell when they turn over into serious bad ass mode.