I Know How Alexander Felt.

By 6:14am it was clear as day that this one wasn't going to go my way. Cannot buy a break.

Just as my alarm goes off, my nice, soothing, iPod-powered alarm, the dog starts barking her fool head off. And she won't stop. She's not a barky dog but I can't tell why she's barking and she won't shut the hell up. I get up, I call out, I peek out and there's nothing there. She goes to sit by the front door and I go to pee.

By this point I've realized that little sleep and a very strong drink made out of nothing but Brazilian vodka and tiny wedges of lime make for that weird all over shaky feeling you get in the morning sometimes. So I figure I'll turn on the computer then make some toast.

But no, first I must clean up the cat pee. I can't find Elvis so this is leading me to believe that his UT stuff may be coming back. Which means goodbye days of easy dry food and I have to look for his vitamins. You know, after I clean up the pee. So I do that.

While I'm cleaning I turn on the TV and select an episode of The Shield. I turn around from cleaning and it's a full screen shot of the head of a boa constrictor. Time out from cleaning for dancing around the apartment trying to shake off the creepy crawly feeling all over my skin.

Finally, I've got the vitamins opened so I can easily lie in wait for the cat, my toast is down and I'm sitting to hit the e-mail button. Toast pops. I stand, putting the computer down in my seat, and try to untangle the cord so no animals will cause an accident. Pulled the laptop right down on my toe.

If I were an optimistic person I'd say that the day had nowhere to go but up. If I were an optimistic person.