V-Day, Baby!

I'll get the serious stuff out of the way first then on to then on to the coochie hilarity.

If you don't know about V-Day, you should. Go see a production of The Vagina Monologues, make a donation, volunteer at a shelter, put on your own production of the Vagina Monologues and don't pussy out (heh) and change the name so your local Tuesday Club isn't offended.

And now for the reason for today's post: Coochie Stories. (Names withheld until or unless the women in question choose to out themselves.)

1. I was visiting a friend and noticed that there were like 17 washcloths hanging up all over her bathroom. Some on the towel rack, on the side of the tub, on the shower curtain rod, they were everywhere. So I, of course, couldn't leave it alone and asked, "Dude, what is up with all the washcloths?"

She replied, "Well sometime you get home and you're tired or you're drunk or whatever and you don't want to make a mistake and wash your face with the coochie cloth. It's safer to just use a new one."

Right before I started to make fun of her I realized I couldn't because I was going to make fun of her by telling her how to do it right. Yeah, I'm a little crazy myself (shocker), also a little too set in my ways. No need to get too graphic but if you're ever sharing a shower with me don't use the washcloth on the left. It's for your own good.

2. A friend of mine told me this story (True story!) the other night. I almost snorted gourmet BLT out of my nose.

So she's a little hyper sometimes. She knows this. She multi-tasks a lot. One day she had to pee and she had to throw out her gum because it lost its flavor. So she was sitting on the throne and she split her wad of TP in half, spit the gum in one half and threw one half away.

She tidied up the situationality and went on her way.

You can see where this is going, can't you?

All afternoon she just didn't feel right. Her underwear didn't fit properly. It was all sticky. What is going on with that? (When she tells this story there are arm and leg movements to re-enact the stickiness, totally worth the price of admission.)

A quick trip to the ladies' reveals that she threw away the unused wad of TP and multi-tasked the one with her gum in it.

Whoops.

She still won't tell me how she got it out, either.

Happy V-Day y'all, make it a good one!