If You Give a Panda a Pashmina

Does everybody have those days when your synapses are just firing...differently? I do sometimes. ("Sometimes?" the crowd screams.) It's been happening the past couple of days over here.

1. I don't leave my keys in the door. Not never, 'cause never say never, but like maybe 5 times in my whole life. Fewer if you remove alcohol and sex from the equation. Tonight I come in, drop the mail, give the dog a biscuit, take off my backpack, check that my Netflix are all intact then turn around to go back out the door and walk the dog. No keys. I've moved a grand total of like 5 square feet and my keys are nowhere. I do not look in the door because I don't leave my keys in the door...much.

2. Sometimes it's good stuff, though. Yesterday I was wicked frustrated with this story I wanted to work on. I was all inspired by the Sara Ruhl stuff and I had all this information in my head but it was like I could see it in there all inside this seamless, transparent sphere but I couldn't get in to pull the strings of words out. Tonight on the way home on the train I found the melty part of the bubble and I got in there. Felt sweet, too.

3. Then sometimes it's just weird but really important. (Stay tuned for the part where I ask for your help.) Elvis, the lone boy pet in the house, has been "barbering" for probably almost 2 years by now. He licks the hair off his tummy and he chews on his legs, especially his hind ones, until they're bald and bumpy. I thought for a while that he was chewing sores into his legs but they don't look like bites. Well, not like cat bites, more like insect bites. I asked the vet who suggested that it was emotional/behavioral and I of course took umbrage with that because if my cat is eating himself out of boredom then I'm the bad host, right? Still, I bought him new toys (like getting him a freaking dog wasn't enough) and gave him catnip and "redirected" him when I saw him chewing. He still looks like the losing poodle at Westminster, which is really not a good look for a cat. Also, my apartment is hot. Very hot. The heating system isn't great and they need to crank it up so the lower floors are hotter in order to keep the upper floors out of meat locker/litigation territory. Plus we live above the laundry room driers. (Dryers?) I like to be hot and sometimes I'm too hot. Last night I was realizing that I felt a little warm, I noticed that the dog was panting and looked uncomfortable. I turned around and noticed Elvis. Suddenly the right synapses fired. I think he has heat rash. I think the poor cat has been trying to take his sweater off for 2 years. Either that or he had heat rash at some point and the chewing and licking became a habit. Whatever the case I feel bad for the dude and I want to make him feel less itchy. Have you ever had heat rash? It's maddening.

Here's the promised part where I ask for your help. How do I help him? What soothes heat rash on a cat? It has to be something non-toxic/ingestible because obviously he's going to ingest some of it. Hell, chances are he's going to ingest a lot of it. Anybody have any experience to share here?