2 things have helped to transform my view of what's going on with my mom and her house. Three if you count the blessing of some distance. I want you to know that I do feel heard and understood by most of you but there are still people out there to whom I feel I need to explain my approach.
The first came today when I had occasion to read The Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Yeah, apparently someone knows what I've been trying to say.
The other thing happened last week and I haven't managed to share it with you. Gertrude left this in the comments:
Honestly your Mom's house is heaven to me.
So here is my plan you must channel me.
Or I could fly out there.
Damn. I really wish I was closer.
I know you feel naked and overwhelmed plus 1,000.
Put on your best wench outfit or pirate princess costume and let the treasure hunt begin.
My Mother didn't even save my first baby photos or my hospital bracelet for me. God, your Mother really loves you honey. She saved everything you touched.
I mean that.
Let the channeling begin....
Well if that doesn't just make you stand on your desk and see the world from an entirely different angle. On the one hand it's like seeing the whole thing in reverse image, instead of looking at all that has to go and all that is ruined to look at what is imporant and that which we're happy to see, like my camera! (I dropped it off for a check up on Friday and I get the report on it tomorrow.) And on the other, equally good, hand it explains why I always get a queasy feeling when I hear parents talk about culling out stuff from their kids artistic and academic efforts. "I don't want my refrigerator covered in all that!" "If you want to put something in you have to take something out." "Oh you're never going to look at that again." Intellectually I understand that there's only so much space in life, you've seen how I understand, but I also abhor a cavalier attitude toward memories.
I'm a big honking paradox, you know you love me like that.
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Glad to be of service.
ReplyDeleteAll the while I am trying to train Joe to let go of some of his "Templeton" ways.
Christ!! (Yes, that's the one!)
The man sees a garage sale and its "Off to the fair!"
I have been through so many "clean outs" after a person has passed and I have sat pondering why someone, anyone would feel compelled to keep 5000 Sweet and Low packets, empty thread spools and peanut shells. Yes, I said...Peanut shells.
So here is the other thought...
your Mother is here to explain the mystery that is her treasure.
And one more thing... if I go soon, the M&Ms wrappers and Blow Pop wrappers are from my first boyfriend. He used to bring me a treat everyday at lunch in High school. They are all I have left of him really and they have been with me this long so why let them go now.
It really is a great way to wrap your mind around that which is your mother's house. There are treasures abundant! Throw the in between shit out and focus on those treasures!
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