Sunday, August 19, 2007

Ah, Parents

Just by chance this has been a weekend where parents I know have been calling me to share a meal and talk to them and their kids. At the same time I've read 2 blog entries about parenting. I've read approximately a quadrillion entries about parenting but these 2 happen to be pertinent.

Before we start remember these things you know about me:

1. I don't ever want to be pregnant.
2. I really like kids.
3. Though I can see myself in an adoptive parent situation it's becoming increasingly clear that that isn't going to happen.
4. I think that's OK, and my life is OK.
5. A significant chunk of my upbringing was done by women who didn't have children of their own.

Laid Off Dad wrote about a book he read that poses these questions:

"According to several studies, parents find child-rearing, and the quotidian selfless drudgery therein, far more unpleasant than they thought. Yet when people are asked about what makes them happiest, most say "having children.""

The LOD then posed some questions to the general readership of parents about their reasons for having children and their general level of happiness. Manda replied and this is part of her reply:

"I can't imagine why anyone would want to go through life without having children. My children seem to give everything else in my life meaning. Without them, my life would just be about me and I guess that seems shallow now that I have kids."

I'd ask you all to go read the entries and respond in comments because I can't form words. I open my mouth and only flames come out.


  1. Anonymous8:20 PM

    I have to say that, so far, parenting is far more pleasant than I thought it would be. However, I know that over the years there will be many ups and downs - my eyes have always been open to that, and all I can hope for is that I will avoid most of the horrific things that can happen, and be grateful that I have, if I find myself so lucky. I would have still been happy if I hadn't had Little Seal - having a child was never the overarching goal of my life, it's just a choice I made. That said, I love Little Seal immensely - he brings me much joy - I hope I bring him as much in return - it's the least I can do - he didn't ask to be brought into this world!

  2. Um. Yikes.
    I pause because if I tell the truth they might come and take the kid away and if I don't some of you that don't have children might feel incomplete.

    I love Noodle.
    But I am still very, very much me.

    Case in point... went to see a friend yesterday that I had not seen in two years. I broke the relationship off because she had become competitive with me and I felt it would cause our girls who are the same age to act that way as well.
    My estranged friend has four children.
    For 10 years she has been nursing or pregnant.
    I really love her and have missed her very much.
    And yesterday she finally verbalized "I want some time for me." Very proud of her for recognizing children are not everything.
    They are "something" indeed.

    Parenting to me is like looking at a Jackson Pollack... some of us see brillance and beauty and ART. Some of us see something that our three year old did to our newly painted walls last year.

    There is still so much time. Take Diane Keaton, she is beyond 50's and adopting children.

    There will be enough guilt when and if you decide to have children. Enjoy just being you now.