Tuesday, August 14, 2007

As with all things, your mileage may vary

You know how sometimes, if something is a lot of work, even the nice things that people say are annoying? I've found that my pet peeve during this half year of weight loss is people who give a variation of "Don't you just feel grrrreat!" They are often, but not always, the people who extoll the energy boosting/skin clearing/money attracting virtues of exercise.

To be sure, I'd rather have this than the people who say somewhat accusingly, "Can you eat ice cream yet?" but still "Don't you just feel grrrreat!" makes me want to eat a chocolate cake.

'Cause, really? No. I don't feel appreciably better or worse than I did before. Hell, if you spent any time around me at all in the month or so before I learned to keep my trap shut you know that I felt worse, hungry and snappy and deprived on one level or another. I get a little kick out of seeing the pounds come off. I think that owes a certain amount to my love of closure and of lists. Another half pound is another check mark on the list toward closure and my Capricornian sensibilities treat that like a nice serving of linguine carbonara with garlic bread. As I've said before the sartorial ramifications of the weight change make me want to stab my jugular with a fork. No, I don't like going clothes shopping. Yes, I know that's weird for a girl. Let's just say, that's not a reward for me. The best reward I've had this week is a neck and neck tie between the box of Sno-Caps I had while watching Stardust (have you seen it yet?) and the brie and berry pancakes I had for brunch on Sunday. Unless someone else is going out and finding, buying and lugging home the new clothes it's not going to be a clear win for me. Once it's there, though, I will enjoy wearing the new item but I will still appear for work in my self-devised uniform of plain canvas 5 pocket pants and a jewel-toned t-shirt, no makeup, no jewelry.

Physically I do not feel any of this "better" or "great" either. I still have sinus problems, I still have headaches which might be migraines, I still have dermatalogical, er, issues, I still get cramps. Yes, I still get cramps. Yes, I know that exercise is supposed to help. Guess what? Not a fucking cure-all. In addition to all of that I've got the occasional joint pain from all of my walking plus some blisters from same and there are...digestive issues. My body liked junk food, it was used to junk food and it's kind of pissed off that it's not getting much anymore. None of this worries me. I'm of an age where stuff like that happens and I'm still relatively lucky. It's just the age where you begin to notice some bodily betrayal.

I wondered this weekend, though, if I'm more tired than I was before. I took good, solid, 60+ minute naps all 3 days of my weekend. This would seem to contradict the "energy boosting" qualities of carrying less weight and executing more movement throughout the day.

While people are noticing my weight loss a bit more right now it's not like I'm being flooded with requests for friendship and nookie, either. I have not uncovered some mythical skinny girl attitude which allows me to just radiate confidence and charm now that I'm not hiding that light under the proverbial bushel (full of lobsters dipped in butter).

So, thanks and all. I do appreciate the sentiment, I promise. I like that people are noticing that I've accomplished something but let's not try to make it more than it is, OK? I haven't changed my life, just the size of my skivvies.

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