Thursday, August 23, 2007

It Might Be the PMS Talking But...

Dear gentleman in the Post Office line this afternoon and everyone like him:

We are very pleased that you enjoy your residence in France. We applaud your finding a living situation that you feel is highly superior to the one you previously tolerated which, we assume by your accent, to have been in the United States, most probably in New York. We request, however, that impromtu lectures, like the one delivered this afternoon, on the superiority of your current home to ours here in New York be discontinued until you have obtained the proper manner...we mean, permits. In return we pledge not to steal your wallet, get your big old Fronch address and stand in a public space where you are trying to conduct your business delivering a similar lecture on the superiority of New York living.

In addition we would like to remind all visitors to New York that the next time you motherfucking stop in the middle of the dick sucking sidewalk for no earthly, clit biting reason your ill-gotten visa will be summarily revoked and you will be transported immediately to JFK International Airport to await your previously scheduled flight back to the homeland. Your luggage will follow at our discretion.

Hazy, Hot & Humid Regards,
The New New York Board of Tourism
We already love New York. You don't have to.

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