Wednesday, January 30, 2008

"And then we all went to the carnival. The end."

So, I wrote that last post and I posted it and everybody and their dog started commenting and giving me the one helpful tip and my head was screaming "WHY HAS EVERYBODY MISSED THE GODDAMN POINT!!!!!" Acknowledging that my brain is a little fragile right now I didn't actually say that in response to any of the well-meaning comments. Which is good because...

Are you ever sitting around with people and you come out with something that, to you, is perfectly logical and clear and you get unmanned puppet eyes back? You bust out a heavy sigh and talk to them like they're 5 for not understanding you and they say, "Well, if you'd said that..." and you realize that you had been having the conversation in your head for a long time before you invited them in to join you?

That ever happen to you? It happened to me. (tm. Ron White)

I left out a very important part of the conclusion. I thought that I told you because I told you that I was willfully operating without Snopes' advice, which I do know exists. I know I write like I'm a complete idiot sometimes but it turns out I'm not, I'm only a half-complete idiot, maybe three-quarters where certain boys are concerned, sometimes seven-eighths if they give me chocolate and they kiss nice. But that wasn't enough. My bad. Totally. That wasn't the actual conclusion. After all this build up, the actual conclusion isn't really very important or exciting, it would have been very much better if I'd included it with the original post but here it is just to prove I'm not blowing sunshine up your poopy parts:

You can totally see this being true, though, can't you? Have you seen how stupid people are? I have been dealing with some seriously dumbass customer service lately. Nothing major, mostly small issues but they're so illogical that it makes my brain bleed and lord knows if I don't have time for a strained calf then I don't have time for a brain bleed. I went through a whole registration process to do live chat tech support for a certain unnamed fruitilicous computer company and they had to pass me to a higher level of support. Half of the shit they asked me in registration had to be repeated before that could happen. Why did you ask me in the first place? I got a quote for a travel insurance policy for my boss yesterday and I gave the agent a lot of info including my e-mail which she then used to contact me with the quote. When I called back 2 hours later to buy the policy she promised me that all our information would be kept on file in the event that we'd like to purchase another policy from them in the future. Then she asked me for my e-mail contact information. Wha guay ahida HHHAAAA?

So, yeah, it's from an e-mail that I got from a very redneck anti-city part of the world, it's probably not true. But there's a reason it's so believable (to everyone else but you, I know you, personally, are smarter than that) and isn't that fucking sad?


  1. Anonymous10:36 AM

    You lost me. Maybe it's my illness? Should I be apologizing for something? Sorry, fever makes me stupid...

  2. No, you're not supposed to be apologizing, I am. Clearly I'm not doing it very well.

  3. You know what? I DON'T think you should be apologizing. I CAN see how the Starbucks thing could be real - Stupid people ABOUND in this world. My thinking is that if I have to explain the joke (or the reference, or whatever...) then I've already lost them. That's not MY fault - and it's not yours, either.

  4. I totally get what you are saying -- there are definitely enough st***d people out there to make this true.

    I apologize for jumping on the Snopes part, though. You hit a nerve with me -- I get enough of htese emails telling me not to buy phenylpropylalanene (yeah, that was, like, 5 years ago), or to believe that Andy Rooney said some really nasty things about immigrants (completely false and slander to boot), or that some bonehead stuck his chihuahua in the microwave and shouldn't we be more outraged about x, y and z. My point is that there are plenty of people being st***d out there, we don't need to make this stuff up.

    I'm sorry.