Tuesday, February 12, 2008

10 Fears for the Original Women Festival

I purposely did a positive list first. There are negatives, though, it's just the nature of the beast and I think it'll feel good to get them off my chest.

1. No one will come.

2. No one who comes will like it.

3. No one will like me (ever, in the whole wide world).

4. I will forget something huge.

5. High stress.

6. Low enjoyment.

7. I will be ridiculed (I didn't say these fears were likely or rational).

8. I will perform poorly.

9. I spent a lot of money on this project and I'm not going to get any of it back and that's OK, I never expected to, but my fears are around it being a "waste" of the chunk of change I did spend or somehow being the "wrong" purchase. I'm sure there's something about self-worth in there since this project started out as something to make sure I got back on stage again.

10. There's a fear I should be remembering but am not so it could ambush me. (My unknown fears are like the Cloverfield Monster or the Blair Witch, apparently.)

6 comments:

  1. Auntie12:49 PM

    Dude, I get that you are worried about this. It's understandable. You have put a lot of energy, both physical and emotional, in to this project. Ten things I want you to do. 1. Breath 2. Visualize success. 3. Remind yourself that there are people like me who think you are super awesome at what you do. 4. Be proud of yourself for everything you have done thus far. 5. Replace all negative thoughts and fears with positive and empowering ones.6. Remember, you are exactly where you need to be. 7. Remember that everything will turn out just as it should. 8. Work from you heart, not your head. 9. Surround yourself with people who are going to fill you up and ease your fears. 10. Breath again.

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  2. I feel you, girl. I'm sending all the energy and karma I can muster.

    I have to tell you, though....this entry: No one will like me (ever, in the whole wide world....made me laugh out loud. It's one of my fears, too.

    Take a deep breath, you're going to ROCK THIS.

    LOVE!

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  3. Two good things: weather supposed to be decent this weekend, and even if no one shows (don't worry, they will) you will still be proud of this accomplishment.

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  4. Who was it that said with brillance, that ART is subjective?
    I know its impossible not to have nerves and concerns but even Cher said she still has stage fright. That surprised the heck out of me to hear that since she has been parading around half naked on stage since I was born scaring the shit out of me.
    You are out there, your Art is out there! You have put in the time and studied your craft and where in all this is there anything but love and goodness all around?
    Very proud of you!
    You give me desire and hope to better myself!
    You are a good woman Kizz.

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  5. I KNOW, Art is subjective, right? I freaking hate that! :)

    I live my life in a perpetual state of fear really. The deal I make with myself is that if it keeps me from doing something then it needs to be squashed.

    Snob, I know, right? Some of these fears aren't exactly specific to the project.

    People are coming, people are signing on, people close to the project are seeing parts of it and saying good things. I won't be perfect but I didn't expect that.

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  6. I wish I could be there to witness how splendid this going go be. Lots of deep breaths and then you'll BE the accomplished actress you ARE. What you are doing is brave and lovely and risky and helps remind us all what life is FOR.

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