Sunday, April 13, 2008

Getting a Witness

Here's a religious post for a Sunday. What the hell is up with Jehovah's Witnesses? Who decided that this was a good idea? Do they ever get anyone to convert this way? If they do who is it? What sort of person gets interrupted while cleaning the tub, opens the door, allows themselves to be lectured to for 45 minutes by children and grandmothers and decides, "Why yes, I would like to come to church with you this afternoon, let me just change my clothes" ?

I had heard the term before I moved to New York. Actually I went to school for a few years with a guy who was a witness, well his family anyway. They didn't come around very often out there in the boonies, though. Here, they're around all the time. They came to my last apartment every Saturday morning like clockwork. My favorite thing to do was to come home with the dog while they were ringing everyone's bells and and watch them try to scatter since they were petrified of Em but were unable to because the door is in sort of a well. I suppose that's utterly against the principles of Christianity but after having the dog jacked up by the doorbell for a dozen Saturdays in a row I felt justified. That's probably how the Crusades got started.

Where I am now there's a guard booth so no one can really just wander up. I've had one neighbor who tried me a few weeks ago. She still says hello to me in the courtyard even though I shut the door in her face. Funny, though, for the most part they stay away from the people close to their buildings. Pony Express lives on the same street as a Witness church and she never gets the Saturday morning doorbell. This means they have to know that they're annoying, right? And that it's not a smart conversion ploy?

Ours is not to reason why...


  1. We get several "flavors" of witnesses around here including Jehovah's, 7th day, and LDS. I just do not open my door to strangers. Sorry. But I don't know them.

    Sometimes, I love to tell them I am Catholic. That really bothers the more extreme ones. They will shudder, cross their eyes, and jump off the porch.

  2. Did I tell you this story already?

    Mr. Chili was home one Saturday when a Bible Thumper came to the door. He asked my husband if he believed that we will ever see world peace, to which Mr. Chili replied, "no, I don't think so." So he proceeded to read a verse from the bible that said that God is preparing us to reunite and peace will overrun the planet. Mr. Chili said "huh, that's profound. Can you show me an equally profound verse in the Q'ran, then you can come back and talk to me about this." The man made inarticulate "um, uh" noises, and Mr. Chili said, 'And THAT'S why we'll never have world peace."

    My favorite story is one from my grandmother. The Witnesses came to the door and my teenaged father answered.
    My grandmother hollered from the kitchen, "WHO IS IT?!"

    "It's them Ja-ho-va's Witnesses."

    "Hold 'em there. I'll get the gun!"

    Yes, I grew up white trash....

  3. Anonymous4:26 PM

    I don't open my door for these people either, but on the other hand I don't make fun of them. They are good people. Why is it you people have to put them down? Would you rather have a dope runner or fag knock on your door.

  4. I'm willing to hear a lot of words and a lot of opinions. Used in a derogatory context the way you are, Dark Horse, "fag" isn't something I want to see around here. The next time it or its like shows up in one of your comments I will delete it.

    Thanks for stopping by but I suspect this isn't a place you'll want to stick around.

  5. Yes, I would rather have a homosexual knock at my door. Why? Because they don't try to convert me.

  6. Thanks for bringing a little humor to that ugliness Sue!

  7. Anonymous11:08 AM

    I was approached by someone in a parking lot last weekend as I was rearranging items in my backpack in anticipation of carpooling to the trailhead for my backpacking trip. My first thought was, "Those tracts are heavy- I'm not carrying that." My second thought was that I was raised to be too polite to tell someone who is sincere in their good intentions to "take a hike," but had the impulse to tell her that I was going to go take a hike.

    I don't like the attempt at conversion, but ostensibly, they mean well. The people I can't stand are the "Do you like to laugh?" or "Who does your hair?" or "Do you want to stop world hunger?" people. I can spot them an avenue block away.