Monday, October 20, 2008

I Lied

I went out to buy something from Staples, just a quick walk to unroot myself from my desk chair. Coming back into the building I find myself behind three guys. You know, guy guys. They're all wearing the same suit and it's dark. They're all carrying coffee drinks, medium schmancy, and at least one of them is carrying one back for his secretary (I assume). They amble and there are three of them so they're completely in the way of anyone who might come up behind them (me). One (the one with the secretary coffee) does manage to catch the elevator, though, and we all get on. Two is shoving a Blackberry in Three's face. Three doesn't get it. Two shoves the Blackberry in One's face and One obliges:

"Oh, yeah Christopher Walken. Totally."

Two is vindicated, "I know! That hair! Totally Christopher Walken."


A discussion ensues about who Christopher Walken is. I study my iPod with the appearance of absorption.

Two has the perfect example, "He was in Pulp Fiction!"

One is skeptical, "He was?"

"He played John that other guy..."

I almost supply, "Bruce Willis" but control myself.

He continues, "Bruce Willis's, you know that guy that was in prison with Bruce Willis's dad. He hid, he uh, hid that watch, you know, the watch," finally he whispers, "Up his ass."

I deserve an academy award for not letting loose with a Mary-Poppins-worthy guffaw.

The conversation continues and everyone is skeptical and we mercifully arrive at their floor.

As they exit Two shoots back, "She knows what I'm talking about."

And I lie, I just do, even though I could have kept it to myself the lie slides out, "Yeah, I do."

The doors close on his look of self-satisfaction, "I knew you did. I saw you smiling and I knew."

Oh little man, that is so not what I'm smiling about. I've seen Pulp Fiction once and I barely remember who's in it much less what Walken allowed in his ass for the duration.

Note to him and his kind, and perhaps to Chili's troll: Big girls can handle ass.


  1. Anonymous9:29 PM

    You know I read your blog every day right? Right? I know you know this but still you end with "Big girls can handle ass."

    Why would you leave that door wide open for me like that? You are you trying to get me to say something naughty?

  2. I know you read. I feel that if I don't challenge you you'll get weak. It's for your own good. Trust me.

  3. Anonymous6:06 PM

    I'll show you weak!;)