Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Annual Holiday Warning

I've noticed an uptick in my stats for the search term "perfect Yankee Swap gift."

Short answer to that is, "No. Such. Thing."

The long answer, though, is here. Years ago I wrote a Yankee Swap Tutorial/Deterrent and every year about this time I feel that I need to link back to it so everyone can get a refresher. Friends don't let friends Yankee Swap. It sort of like drinking and driving only the Yankee Swap kills your soul. If you're not from New England apparently you call this sort of Dante-insired party game a White Elephant. Much more honest that term, isn't it? If you need any more proof that this is cruel and unusual punishment go visit Mrs. G's White Elephant humiliation.

In case you still aren't frightened enough to click on the links I give you a few quotes from my Yank Me Swap post as motivation.

"Yankee Swap is the cruelest form of gift giving known to man"

"I'll keep this slightly dented box of penis shaped pasta"

"It's the sort of thing that should have its own special on Animal Planet."

"like adoption day at the Whippet Rescue Society"

It's officially the holiday season now. Let's be careful out there.


  1. Heh.

    My dog's part whippet.

  2. I. LOVE. THIS. POST. I read it every year; it's become a sort of Christmas tradition for me, but much more funny than plum pudding and the damned bell-ringers...

  3. That's pretty funny! I like these swaps though because i can get rid of crap i feel too guilty to throw away. A perfect opportunity for re-gifting that penis straw.

  4. "I'll keep this slightly dented box of penis shaped pasta"

    My best laugh of the day. I love you.

  5. I do the swap with my peeps every year. We dig it even though every year someone buys a really stupid gift. We do try hard to get gifts everyone will enjoy.

    The first year we did it I asked a co-worker; "What is a good swap gift when there are both lipstick lesbos and dykeish girls?"
    Without hesitation she said "Porn!"

  6. Penis pasta....LOL! Too funny.

  7. Kath, I know. Don't know why we needed a DNA test to find that out, either. I mean, anyone can tell from his delicate features and high strung nature!

    Chili, everyone knows I'm big on starting traditions. Not sure this is how I intended to distinguish myself but I'll take it!

    Meno, you're perpetuating the evil, you even get a charge out of it. You're a bad one!

    Auntie, you can't get away with that if there are straight chicks in the room. I mean, I'd go to a Yankee Swap if there were porn involved but most straight chicks would punch your lights out. Hey! Great Yankee Swap idea - ALL PORN VERSION! That's a swap I'd actually go to.

    NurseExec, and I bet you think I made that up, too.

  8. Hilarious. How come you get the penis shaped pasta?!

  9. We do this at our church christmas party, so no good gag gifts. But we have a 3-owner rule - once the gift has been claimed the third time, the person gets to keep it for good. Usually about 100 of us play, so this leads to a lot of strategizing. And a 5-hour long game.

  10. JCK, I'm just lucky that way. Or else I'm the only one left at the end.

    Sueb0b, FIVE HOURS?!?!? And more rules? You are a stronger woman than I. Do they at least serve alcohol?