Monday, December 08, 2008

Two Things Unrelated

I found this photo of Auntie Blanche while I was searching for photos of myself to use for my birthday party invitation. I can't remember what year it was but it might have been the last church photo she took. I kept the one from the year before on display because this one is a little washed out but I like her smile in this one, too. After seeing pictures of her mother and of her when she was younger this is a side of Auntie Blanche we didn't see much once she moved here.

A short but passionate essay on my food processor:

I didn't know how to work a food processor until relatively recently. I'd never had one nor used recipes where one was required. Pony Express had one but when we lived together she handled all of the processing of food. I remained ignorant and contentedly so.

I carefully pried this particular old-model food processor out of my mother's grasp a couple of years ago. It's possible that I used my poor sick cat for leverage since up to this weekend all I've ever done with it is to puree chicken and yogurt for his unpredictable digestive tract. Oh foolish, foolish me!

Yesterday, though, I found the glory of the food processor. ChemE allowed as how rum balls were doable in the fp. "Just start with the nuts," she said. Last year I chopped those nuts with one of those handheld manual blade things that you whack on the top of its spring-loaded handle, you know? It does about 6 pecans halves at a time. Can you imagine how long that took? Then I had to smash the vanilla wafers with a soup can. Rum ball time was quite loud at my house. And crumby.

Oh sweet lord of all that is chocolate the food processor way is easier! Rolling the gooey mix into balls and coating them in powdered sugar was a joy after the 10.5 seconds it took to crush everything up in my ancient Cuisenthingy. I made two batches before the chocolate sauce had cooked and cooled! It emboldened me.

I don't have a mixer. Well, I have a hand mixer I guess but I'm not certain where the motor part is and sometimes the beaters fly off so I don't use it a lot. (OK, the beaters have never flown off as such but more than once have I turned the thing upright and had them plunge to an eggy death in a bowl full of batter.) The food processor had been so useful! Could it handle making pumpkin chocolate squares? It could! The liquid bits at least, which are the hardest bits to do by hand. It was perhaps rude of me to require a double batch of it but with coaxing it did a bang up job. No machinery smoldered or burned, nothing flew out and coated the walls, and best of all I didn't have to cream butter and sugar together with a fork and the grease from my nearly 40 year old elbow!

Dear Food Processor,

Now I have a reason to remain single. You are the love of my life.




  1. It's the best thing I ever got out of the relationship with Ex-Him.


    try vegetable soup. just shove all the veggies in with the slicing part and voila. You will want to sleep with it.

    Cuisinart, thy name is GOD.

  2. I have similar feelings for my KitchenAid. Auntie gave it to me years ago for Christmas and I bless her name regularly as I haul the thing out for cheese cake, bread-dough making, and mashed potatoes. Mmmmmmm..

  3. Anonymous2:27 PM

    Holy fantastic time saver!
    I've been making date/goji berry/almond/cococut bars and really - pffft and all that goodness rolls up and I spread it out and done in under 4 minutes. I'm totally in love with several of my appliances and I refuse to consider the pathology of that statement...

  4. Anonymous10:21 AM

    You are such a better friend than me. I can't believe that you and Rich always remember my birthday when I am so horrible about remembering yours. I want to say It's January 5th but I think that's Rich's. HELP! Tell me when you were born so I can be as casually thoughtful as you. And while your at it tell me Eva's as well even though she's dead to me.

    Incidentally, I know the love of a mixer, but lately I've been cheating with a mandolin. My zucchini has never been so effortlerssly handled.

  5. I adore my Cuisinart. The thing I make most with it is pizza dough for homemade pizza. It takes about 15 seconds!

    Love your picture of Auntie Blanche. I went back in your archives and read about her. She sounds like a marvelous woman who had a wonderful life. You are lucky to have known her - and she you.

  6. Weird, I commented here and it didn't take.

    g, thanks for reading about AB. She was even cooler than I have gone into here. I will write more about her.

    Baldsug, why is she dead to you? You're right, that's Rich's day. Mine is the 9th but I'm having the party on the 10th. Hope you had a good birthday! I find it hard to believe that your zucchini has never received such royal treatment. I've heard stories.