Monday, January 19, 2009

Fear Goes Skateboarding

The 26th Prompt is about fears. Sometimes I feel like San Diego Momma lives in my head. It's a wonder she can find space to put her drink down.

I’m afraid of everything. Every day is an overcoming of fears. I don’t know where to start. I’m afraid this building will collapse on me. I’m afraid the plane that’s flying overhead is going to drop a bomb on my head. I’m more recently afraid that that plane flying overhead will be used as a bomb and someone will drop it, or something it runs into, on my head. I’m afraid of flying, heights, dating, auditions, certain friends and family members and of vomiting.

Two Christmases ago found me kneeling in a friend’s bathroom puking my guts up without the edge of a good drunk to dull the horror. Does that count as getting over a fear? I don’t think it does.

Oh god and I didn’t even mention the snakes. I’m afraid of snakes. Very. Also elevators. If I’m in an elevator and it slows down or speeds up or takes an unusually long time to do anything I get a big old fight or flight response. If you’re the person in that elevator verbally freaking out I’ll probably choose fight and knock your block off.

I’m trying very hard to think of something I’ve conquered. The dark, I’m afraid of the dark, haven’t conquered it, though. I conquered flying by just reveling in that first moment of take off. It’s so miraculous and feels so cool so I concentrate on that then pretend I’m on a train for the rest of the flight. Mostly I just keep my head down and try to do the things I’m meant to do in life. As long as I don’t let the fear control me then I can allow it a little space in my head to fuck around, go skateboarding or whatever.

Fear Goes Skateboarding, title of my memoir now.

1 comment:

  1. That is quite possibly the best memoir title I ever heard.

    And I CAN relate to all of this. I am afraid of many, many of the same things.