Like A Blog But On TV!

I love her because her prompts are things I do anyway.

CRAZY LIKE KIZZ
(TV Pilot)

INT. EVE. Enter KIZZ wearing full winter gear, carrying backpack & mail, talking on cell phone.

KIZZ: Really? Yup. Sure. Yup.

Enter CATS (2, adult, tiger striped) meowing loudly and weaving through KIZZ’s legs. KIZZ drops keys, gloves and hat on dining table.

KIZZ: Hey kittens. Shh. (into phone) What? No, you go right ahead. No. NO! Sorry, must be my phone connection, Auntie, I can hear you fine, though.

Enter DOG (1, ancient) doing the pee dance.

KIZZ: (to DOG) One second, just one second. (into phone) No, no, you go right ahead, I heard you. Enema. Poked it right up there. Go on!

KIZZ goes to kitchen, looks in fridge, finds nothing, goes to dining room, sets mail on table, opens a letter, sets down back pack.

DOG head butts KIZZ.

KIZZ: Right. Sorry! (into phone) yes, I’m very sorry, it sounds awful. I really should…

KIZZ goes to closet, gets leash, comes back to table. KIZZ goes back to closet, gets plastic bags, stuffs them in pockets, comes back to table. KIZZ puts on hat, gloves, takes off gloves, puts leash on dog, puts gloves on. CAT knocks keys off table. KIZZ takes off gloves, crawls under table, retrieves keys. CAT knocks KIZZ’s hat off.

KIZZ: (into phone) Auntie. Auntie? Auntie! I’m really sorry I should go. I have to walk the dog. (Pause). She’s fine. Getting older, you know, needs to go out more often.

KIZZ puts hat on, picks up keys, grabs gloves.

KIZZ: Auntie I’m going to have to sign off now. (Pause) Sign off. (Pause) SIGN OFF! (Pause). Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell, it must be the connection on my phone. You’re right I should get a new one. I really do need to go…

DOG pees on floor.

KIZZ (muttering) never mind.

OPENING CREDITS by Deirdre Flint.