Wednesday, June 10, 2009

What Strengths?

Today did not play to my strengths.

I like a good plan. In point of fact I love a good plan. I love it when a plan comes together. I love executing a plan. I love putting all the pieces of the plan in the perfect order. I love announcing a plan. I especially love recruiting people to participate in a plan. Reviewing a plan? A thrill of indecent proportions.

Some of you may be staring quizzically at the screen. "But Kizz," you're thinking, "you just told us you're headed to New England this weekend, I'm supposed to see you but there's no plan for that yet. It's less than 2 days away! Why no plan?" And here is the honest truth: it is harder for me to have a plan and have that plan get changed than it is to not have a plan at all. So sometimes I wait until the last minute to make a plan, while doing extensive research, so that when the plan becomes official it'll be what it is, no changes, no deviations, just a thing of beauty to be blindly followed.

I realize that this is not a fabulous trait. It's not even a mildly admirable one. In a woman who desires a living-in-the-moment career more than anything else in her heart it is a detriment, a hurdle whose challenge would be comical if it weren't so stupidly tragic. I actually try really hard to work on it. Last year when Gar was here I pushed my limits, even. There was a plan and everyone gathered for the plan and the minute we all showed up nothing went according to plan for, like, 2 and a half days straight. For Gar and Pony Express is was bliss, an adventure to be remembered and revered. It was a great couple of days, I loved all the things we did and all the people we did them with. At 2 in the morning on the 3rd day, walking past the front door to my house as the plan changed yet again my head actually came unscrewed and whirled around the sidewalk for about a minute and a half before returning to my shoulders. Pony Express almost wet herself laughing.

Today tested me again. I couldn't make plans and all the plans I had received separate wrenches thrown in at varying speeds and angles. I spent the day ratcheting things around to a new normal. Nothing bad happened, nothing was particularly difficult, there was neither death nor dismemberment. It's clear, though, that I'm a good ways away from being cured of my little compulsions.

Perhaps I should make a plan.

6 comments:

  1. There is so much to love about you, I don't know where to start.

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  2. breathe in. breathe out. repeat as necessary. this is supposed to be fun goddamnit!

    and I agree with Clemo...one hundred percent!

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  3. Oh, dear! I hope I wasn't one of your wrenches.

    9:00 at Me and Ollie's! I'll be there (unless, of course, your plan changes). Want me to pick you up?

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  4. You need to stop describing my day.

    May I pick up the wrenches in your plans and throw them at the people preventing me from finalizing mine, or even better the people criticizing the ones I have finalized? (If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.)

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  5. Clemo & Zelda; I'll go with you that there may be a lot of things to love about me. I just really don't think this is one of them. Yes, Z, I'll have fun whether I like it or not!

    Chili, you weren't a wrench you were a plan unmade because the chances of change were so high. Why start when failure is guaranteed, right? :) No need to pick me up but I may bum a ride after, thanks!

    JRH, hope today was better than yesterday!

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  6. Speaking of plans coming together, just the other day I said I'd like to see an A-team remake.

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