Sunday, July 19, 2009

Meditative

You know how it happens. I know that I have a lot to get out about the trip and I started writing in my head days ago. I knew which post would kick off my travelogue and as I thought and "wrote" it became more and more intricate. You know what happens when the posting becomes highly anticipated and delightfully intricate. I know you do. Totally impossible to execute.

It occurred to me that I really wanted to post something today. I just didn't want to post the intricate post. Also, it's Sunday which, to my largely Christian mentality, is a day for meditation. What's meditation but thinking on something, letting it run unfettered through your mind, seeing where it leads you. My meditation today is on a part of my trip, not the impetus for it, not the largest part of it and yet, it turns out, possibly the most important part to me.

I saw TVMike for the first time in, we figure, about 13 years. When I heard from him and it became clear that we'd actually be able to get together it was all I could focus on about the trip. He was in a show so we probably wouldn't be able to get together until Monday and my train left at 2:30 that day so we'd only have a few hours. It didn't feel like enough, I needed to see him sooner and longer and I couldn't wait. When I came out onto the concourse in Portland there was an old man set up near security singing Danny Boy. It was, essentially, the first thing I heard in Oregon. It was what I asked TVMike to sing to me one day a million years ago the night of an ill-fated tequila drinking contest he had with Pony Express. We wound up sitting in a seedy lounge a few blocks from my motel on Sunday night then spending 4 leisurely hours wandering his city and talking and buying books and smiling on Monday.

I knew I missed him but had no feel for the depth of that missing until seeing him again was on the horizon. We are connected in some way I don't understand. I was disconcerted to see that some of the same dealbreakers for our friendship remain in place. It is equally unsettling to know that that knowledge does nothing to diminish my love for my friend. Maybe it was good that I had to leave. Maybe a little knowledge is plenty. Truly, though, I feel that we need more time to share space, to sit next to each other and drink coffee and talk about pets and theatre and relationships and get into the meat of what we've done and thought for the last 13 years. I need to know more and I suppose I need to figure out how to get it from this distance of 3,000 some odd miles.

Here's the thing that, if you've ever talked to me about location and living and moving, may strike you as important. Seeing Portland through his eyes, seeing how happy he is, seeing the work that he's been able to do, seeing that he's supporting himself doing what he does best (acting), seeing him period, has made me think about moving to Portland. It's not something I'd do, at least not any time soon, but it's opened up that space for an idea in my head.

I'm meditating on it.

3 comments:

  1. It's amazing what gets us contemplating, isn't it?

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  2. Whenever I visit ANYWHERE, I always think about what it would be like to live there. I wish my life was more mobile.

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  3. well. ain't that some shit. just had the "move to portland" conversation with Elephantsoap and Numskullery last weekend.

    commune?

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