Sunday, August 09, 2009


I open the door and hold it for him, his arms are full of laundry. His lip curls up in something that might be a sneer and he says, "I never seen you without your dog."

I mumble something about how it's bound to happen once in a while and smiled in case it wasn't a sneer and went inside thinking about how my dog might see it differently. Not only my dog but me, too. I feel as though I never spend enough time with her, especially as she gets older. The cats are always elbowing her out of the way, it's too hot to snuggle her and I'm trying to make sure that I go out and do things, be more social than I probably am at the core.

Earlier at brunch LK said, "How do you do it? How do you live the single girl lifestyle and still go out and everything and still have a dog?"

Again, I don't feel that's true. I hardly ever go out and I'm always bargaining for the timing or the location of events so I can walk my dog, especially, you know, as she gets older.

It's all in the perception. What I see is almost never exactly what anyone else sees. Especially not when they're seeing me. What do you see when you look in the mirror these days? How does that vision shift when you're reflected in another human beings eyes?


  1. My ex was famous for seeing me in ways I did not want to be seen. One day I said "I'm going for coffee, you want anything?" and he asked for a hot cider. I always go for coffee to Peet's, which has great coffee, rather than Starbucks, which doesn't. But only Starbucks has hot cider.

    So I went to Peets first, then to Starbucks for his hot cider. When I got home and he saw the two different cups, he said "You went to both places? You WOULD." With a sneer.

    He could have said "Oh, I didn't realize you were going to Peets. Thanks for stopping by Starbucks as well." But no. He was determined to see the worst in me, and that is why he is my ex.

  2. Sueb0b, I remain baffled about how you stayed with this guy. This story, though, takes the cake. Did he at least think he was joking while he was sneering and belittling? I only know you online and I'd feel compelled to ask at the outset where you were planning to go because you seem exactly like the sort of person who would go to 2 places to get someone what they wanted.

  3. Oh, my God. I think about this ALL THE TIME. Well, not so as it takes up all my brain, but often enough that reading this post made me nod sagely...

    My life over the last four months has been nothing if not surreal. I'm just now starting to take a step back and have a good look at it, and I'm still doing the proverbial autopsy; I'm not certain HOW I feel about any of it.

    It is interesting, though, to hear people talk about how they've perceived the last four months of my life. I'm still working on debriefing that, too...

  4. I have no idea how anyone else sees me. I see myself as a size five. the mirror a lying bitch that I break up with daily.

    I see myself as brash and loud and scared and coy and terrified and annoying and intimidating and fake and surreal and honest and genuine.

    what others see?

    who the hell knows. we can only hope it's a size five.

  5. I hide my incessant worrying from most people. I worry about too many things, most of which are far out of my control.

    I like to think I'm seen pretty much as who I am.

    Like Zelda, I see myself physically much different than the mirror projects. The mirror is a lying bitch!!!