Thursday, January 14, 2010

I'll Never Be Your...

If you're looking for linear and coherent these are not the motherfucking droids you're looking for. There's a lot of thought here, though, if you can stand it.


I put my shoes on to go and I was fine. I went to grab some treats out of THE BOX and I burst into tears. I couldn't stop but I put one foot in front of the other and went to NDP's house. We waited for a long while watching Haiti coverage and trying not to cry.

Eventually Maggie showed up. She was nervous but food motivated and sweet, a little drooly but probably from the nerves. She explored some and she put up with Tim being defensive. She's about 45 lbs, her feet have the most exquisite markings. She'd recently had her tail docked. I'm not sure what happened but it had been injured and the injured part had to go. It's not cropped the way a rottie's is, it's more of a half-tail, a club. Her ears pop up all houndy on high alert like pony tails.
 
She's quick, she walks on her back legs. Her mother was a lab-shepherd mix. She was adopted at 6 months in Colorado and moved to NYC when she was around 2. She's about four and half now. She feels like a puppy. She leaped and bounded when we took her back to her boy but she still paid attention to me and NDP because we'd given her treats. Her boy is a personal chef and he travels a lot, at least 2 weekends a month and 2 months in the summer. I think it may be harder for him to let her go than he yet thinks. She's been off leash before in Prospect Park. She's afraid of loud noises. My biggest fear for her has actually been realized so it's something to be super careful of. She was tied to a bench once, got spooked by a loud noise and fled, dragging the bench behind her, many blocks across busy streets and into the park. She spent the night there before she was recovered. I walked her home tonight and Mike said she was being way more pully than she usually is but she was still one of the best dogs I've ever walked. She corrects easily. She doesn't seem to scavenge.
 
I'm insisting that I sleep on it before I decide or do anything. If I were a YES person she'd already be home with me. I'm a yes person, though, and this is a huge deal for me. She's furniture - once she's in place she stays, I can't do that lightly. So part of me is actively not thinking of it. The other part of me is thinking she'll see if Maggie (did I tell you her name is Maggie?) can come to visit on Monday, which is a holiday so I'll be home. The big hurdle is the cats. I'm told that Maggie defers to cats and has made friends with the tough Brooklyn street cat who shares her house now. Elvis taunts out of fear and if a dog engages he fights, which is horrible. So a visit Monday and if that goes well an overnight and if that goes well....Bobby is coming to stay for 4 days the first weekend of February, I think it'd be wise not to commit permanently until after that but...but...visits and if they go well...
 
It hurts to even say it but she feels...familiar, which is conversely comforting and I can't ignore that.

9 comments:

  1. Oh, good, I am not the only one crying.

    You had me at 'familiar'.

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  2. baby girl.....sweet baby girl.
    both of you.
    your hearts are bigger than the sun...she's beautiful. and so are you. whatever your decision, WHATEVER your decision, this was a big big deal and I'm proud of you.
    i love you.

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  3. SERIOUS cuteness. Love the feet. Take your time with this decision my friend, walk slowly into the pool. I can find another arrangement for Bobby if need be, just let me know! I hope I can meet her soon.

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  4. The first guy I dated after Neill's death I chose because he reminded me exactly of Neill. The second guy I chose because he was the exact opposite. And I was only dating them! I didn't have to commit to living together!
    Good luck in finding middle ground that is both familiar enough to be comfortable and foreign enough to be exciting. I look forward!

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  5. What a sweet looking pup! No matter what the final decision, I think this is an important first step. Emily would be proud.

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  6. Yeah... I'm crying, too...

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  7. While we were looking for our new dog, I was both very enthusiastic and very careful. We saw a Goldilocks variety of dogs - one too big and energetic, one too old and tired. When we saw Jack at the Highland Park shelter, I liked him but I was thinking we'd go away and talk about it. But no, my husband said, "We'll take him."

    He says to me, "you found him." I say to him, "But you chose him."

    My husband had the courage to know that Jack was the right dog for us. Maybe if I'd gone and thought about it, I would have come right back to the shelter and adopted him and all would have ended up the same as it has.

    But I think about how certain my husband was.....he was right. Unlike us, who waited 2 years after our dog died, you are jumping right into love again. But you may have the right feelings. Don't be afraid of saying yes.

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  8. Anonymous11:35 PM

    ohh, honey, I think perhaps your new dog just found you. Don't guilt out if you don't fit together so well but from here it seems like you might like each others company a lot.

    For some reason at this late hour, this song won't leave my head.

    Perhaps it' s for you and Maggie.

    Ooh-oo child, things are gonna get easier
    Ooh-oo child, things'll get brighter
    Ooh-oo child, things are gonna get easier
    Ooh-oo child, things'll be brighter

    Some day, yeah
    We'll put it together and we'll get it all done
    Some day
    When your head is much lighter
    Some day, yeah
    We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
    Some day
    When the world is much brighter

    Ooh-oo child, things are gonna be easier
    Ooh-oo child, things'll be brighter
    Ooh-oo child, things are gonna be easier
    Ooh-oo child, things'll be brighter

    I hope that Sunday/Monday are good and happy days for you.

    Laurie B

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