Sunday, September 05, 2010

6 Steps Closer To Paradise

ChemE's dog, Nikki, is a mix of Jack Russell, dachsund and lab. Since it seems clear that Eddie has a generous dollop of JR in his dna we've been comparing notes and trying to determine which traits they share and therefore which are from the JR part of them.

Conclusion? Jack Russells are terrifying.

I think that some people suspect I'm a little paranoid with my studying and controlling and freaking over having a small, smart dog but I present certain evidence that no overreaction is too small. Also, if anyone has a nice canine accounting course I could enroll my dog in it would be much appreciated. Dude needs a job to keep his brain from melting down and/or plotting my elegant demise.

I told ChemE that when I give Eddie a peanut butter and kibble-filled kong before putting him in his crate he's quiet as I leave the house. He never finishes it, though. He waits until I come home and then he prefers to finish cleaning it out while sitting on my lap. Nikki apparently won't finish a raw hide or bone while her people are away, either. She waits until they're home to polish it off.

Nikki also stows treats away in different hiding places. She saves a few in her bed in the basement, under the cushion, for a time when she's made to go in the basement while people are working there. She has a few places upstairs as well, in case the apocalypse comes and all the family members with opposable thumbs are destroyed. Obviously she will survive. She's way too smart to be felled by some stupid apocalypse.

Think it's just weird food behavior? Witness my living room last night.

I have not purchased a bed for the dog. You can call me cruel if you like but my cats tend to pee on anything fabric-related that sits on the floor so I've been reluctant. He's allowed on the furniture, it shouldn't be a big deal. I'm sitting on the couch last night and the dog is doing his normal puttering around thing. We've been playing fetch but he's tired of it. At some point he wanders over to the love seat, selects a throw pillow, grasps the corner in his teeth and drags it onto the floor. I've been thinking about replacing those pillows so I wait to see how this all pans out. He drags it to a couple of places, finally centers it underneath the television and leaves it there. After some more puttering he brings his partially cleaned out kong and places it in the center of the pillow, like a gift for the queen. Once it's settled safely he's off again. After a couple of perimeter checks he's back. He secures the pillow in it's nesting place, moves the kong slightly, climbs onto the pillow and curls up to go to sleep.

That's a multi-step process, no? 1. That bitch won't give me a bed. 2. This would make a good bed. 3. It should go here, where attention is generally focused. 4. I usually have food or drink in my other bed (the crate). 5. I'm tired. 6. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I am so fucked.


  1. Wow. That plotting and planning thing sounds kind of like having a teenager! You're right; you're fucked.

    Good luck with that!

  2. You're still smarter than the dog... but he's certainly got more attention on his favorite plans and goals than you'll ever have! I love that his head-exploding cuteness is interrupted by frightening cleverness.

  3. Sounds like a smart little fellow! I have an 11 year old lab and she has had a dog bed her whole life. More often than not I will walk into the living room and she is sleeping NEXT to her bed with her head on her stuffed goose. Go figure...

  4. Maybe he can do your taxes.

  5. He's perfect! You can train to be on TV and make millions.

  6. per the treats: buddha and stella both do this. individually. and never steal the others' which amazes me because, well, you'd think stella, especially, would just decide "fuck it" and go eat all of buddha's when she happens to feel like it. but she never, ever does. and he is quite respectful of hers, as well.

    they also do not finish off the treats left in their crates, either. they both individually wait until i come home. i think this is because they're not certain i WILL come home and have decided if i do not, well, they should have something to eat for "later" whenever that "later" may be. of course this is me thinking for them. i'm pretty certain they've got complete other thoughts and plans for those treats. like perhaps hiding them in the stash spots, only when i come home that is no longer necessary!? i've no idea. and they're not speaking english yet. damn dogs.

    by the way, i haven't forgotten the food for eddie. poor dog. he'd have STARVED by now if he was waiting on me. gah. it's shipping!


    the bed. brilliant dog. my dogs both do similar things with the DUVETS from my bed. it is curious where i find them, the things i find tucked inside and just how very wrapped up in them i'll discover the dogs depending upon the state of affairs with the weather outside.

    (i think this is because they both secretly wish they were still living in california...this has only started since we landed in utah!).

  7. Willie, my sheltie, neither eats nor drinks while we are gone. Save the trashcan... which he can pillage in less than a minute while we are absent. After a nice scolding from my vet that dogs die more from trash can food poisonings than any other thing... its always on my radar.
    Willie is terribly smart. He knows that he can manipulate Joe and make Joe go running, screaming like a girl across the compound when Joe doesn't leash him... but knows also that kind of shit will not be tolerated with me.
    He also knows that I need love and affection more than any one right now and is giving me lots of it.
    I love the new dog stories Kizz. I do. He is certainly making you think outside the crate.