Thursday, December 22, 2011

Validated But No Parking

I know I'm not alone in often feeling like I'm not doing enough but even when I feel busy, and it's easy for me to feel busy, I feel like there's an extra foot I should be reaching. If there's any time I feel that more than others it's the holidays. (Please feel free to join in when the chorus comes 'round again on the guitar.)

On the other hand I quit drinking caffeine around 15 years ago and it made me fucking tired. I learned that I need sleep. I love sleep. I would marry sleep but it's a damn tease. I also know that my brain likes to work hard, rest, and process before it'll come to some conclusion or revelation or just some flipping closure. I try to keep this knowledge in the forefront of my mind as I make goals and try to reach them. Trying is the first step.

And then I go to a concert or have a lesson or see a movie or read a blog and decide that I'm wasting my life and I have to do more now! This is usually when things go badly for me.

This week was shaping up to be pretty busy. Not by busy people standards, of course, but by mine. Today, for instance, was going to be an up at 6, work 9-3, get food, do a photo shoot, sing at an open mic, go home, walk dog, pack, clean, write out cat feeding instructions, and finally sleep. (See above re: my deep affection for sleep.)

Then there was that fire. I got to work from home for 2 days and consequently had almost everything I needed to do before I left for the North land tomorrow done before I left for the photo shoot tonight. It's hard not to feel as though someone or something was telling me, "You're right. You need to go slow. You'll get there but on your own time."

I can't stop feeling that I'm missing something, I suppose. Lucky things like this help me keep it at bay, though. From arm's length everything doesn't look quite so ugly and urgent. I'm still going to feel a little inadequate I bet but, damn it, I'm going to do so at a moderate pace.


  1. I've done a little bit every night this week so that I wouldn't be scrambling at the last minute before we head south. I'm in the same place. Moving slow. It's actually working out.

  2. I always do more when I just do something, than when I try to do everything. (But I am a slow learner, so it's a surprise every single time.) My day today was supposed to be hectic, but the big thing in the center got snafu'd, so now I can't remember what I would be doing if I weren't supposed to be doing the thing that isn't happening. I like your idea of moderate pace, though, whatever direction it is I wind up moving in...