Friday, April 03, 2020

The Poetry of Leaving the Home

Dog needs to pee

Fill coat pockets with dog treats and poop bags
Put phone in coat pocket
Take off "inside" pants and shirt
Leash and harness on that dog
Put on "outside" pants, shirt, fleece
Put on shoes (don't sit down!)
Put on hat
Put on mask
Put on coat

A Scarf Before Masks
Zip it up and make sure it doesn't dislodge the mask
Pick up leash
Grab keys from door hook
Leave the apartment
Lock the door
Poke the elevator button with a key
(No stairs for you! Too many points of contact.)
Bump door open with hip.
Out in the air

On the way back in

Hold the bottom of the door handle
(Most people grab the top, right?)
Elevator button with keys again
Open door
Take off leash & harness
Take off mask
Kick off shoes
Take off "outside" clothes
Take off watch
Lay it on the floor
Get out phone
Lay it on the floor
Walk to bathroom
(There's a nightlight there, you don't have to touch the light switch)
Turn on faucet (I know!)
Wet hands
Soap up faucet handles
Soap hands
[insert instructions here]
Rinse hands
Rinse faucet handles
Wash face
Dry all
Walk back to phone and watch
Spritz them with the special sanitizer
Dry them off
Put on "inside" clothes

Resume life on the inside