117 Hudson

Preview

2012-02-02T15:10:00.000-05:00

Today in this space you're supposed to be reading a heartfelt ode to Our Janet. (That's what I'm going to be calling her from now on, not Janet, not fondofsnape, only Our Janet as though she were a slightly fragile yet beloved 12-year-old circa 1947.) (She's not.) (No, I don't know why I'm doing it but as of today she's ours and I'm claiming her!) The thing is I got her to send me some links yesterday to some posts I wanted to include and, being the super de dooper researchy type that I am (heh) I read them all. Didn't cry until the second to last one but once I got started...

In the meantime I stewed and boiled over the fact that The Komen Foundation has yanked it's funding from Planned Parenthood in a move I'm sure is designed to bolster their anti-choice cred. Lisa Stone, one of the luminous founders of Blogher, blog-checked me in a post about that and I have managed to go waist-deep into the surprisingly hostile comments section conversation that sparked. To my credit I have continued to wear my big girl panties and say things super politely but my tongue is shredded from all the unsexy biting it's been getting.

I can't write about Our Janet (all ur Janets iz belong to us!) today. I can't say what I want to say...yet. I'm going to say it tomorrow. I'll be home waiting for the water to be turned back on, cleaning, and worrying over the piano lesson I'm teaching in the evening. (Yeah, you're right, there's a story there.) I'll take breaks and I'll write and the things I want to say will become blogging reality.

For today go read the article about dog poop where I was name dropped by Sars and gaze upon this audition photo my dog will be sending to the Powers That Be at Mad Men. Good thing, too, those marrow bones don't come cheap. That dude needs a freaking job!

*For each photographer that enters photographs into the FUCK CANCER photo challenge by Tuesday February 14 I will donate $5 to Planned Parenthood and $5 to Think Before You Pink/Breast Cancer Action. Simply upload your photo to Flickr (you can get a free account if you need one), join our Photo Group, add your shot and your donation has been made! If you want a gold star please tag the photo with PhotoChallenge and FUCKCANCER (or CANCER if you're not thrilled about the language).

Photo Challenge: ARRR!

2012-02-01T10:10:00.000-05:00

I should be more careful about my prompts. I managed only to manifest more ARRR! in my life. Woof, what a couple of weeks. Let's see what pictures we got out of it. Important, specific, community-building prompt at the bottom of this post so please scroll down.

Many of my conversations with Lisa center on our preparedness for the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. I find it comforting that she's raising her boys to be warriors. I'm going to hide behind them when the time comes.

According to the caption Janet put on this over at Flickr this is a zombie pirate. I'm going to assume he's tongue in cheek (heh, see what I did there?) about the homophobia.

I am completely unprepared for the Zombie Apocalypse. I won't even eat burnt marshmallows.

If we're going to manifest something let's manifest some fighting spirit, shall we? Next prompt is FUCK CANCER. I bet we've all been touched by it, some more closely than others. Additionally let's dedicate this to the Powers That Be at The Susan G. Komen Foundation who, after pressure from anti-choice groups, pulled all their mammogram funding from Planned Parenthood. I know we've all got photos that speak to the fight against cancer. I can't wait to see them. Additionally, I will donate $5 to Planned Parenthood and $5 to Think Before You Pink for every photographer who enters something in this challenge. Tell your friends and neighbors, a Flickr account is free so it won't cost you anything at all to do this small thing for good causes.

Please add your photos to our Flickr photo pool by 9am on Tuesday February 14th (not only Valentines Day but the fake birthday I chose for both of my dogs) for posting on Wednesday February 15th. Let me know if you have any questions.

10 Light Things

2012-01-31T13:55:00.000-05:00

1. I was talking to NDP this morning and we were speculating that rabbits are stupid. Later what do I find in my inbox? Proof that rabbits might simply be planning for world domination. Sheep, though? Complete dumbasses.

2. Antonia's daughter made a pirate hat and she decorated it for extra piratey power. I think you will enjoy her explanation.

3. This year an African American woman is Best Director at Sundance. This is a first. We love progress!

4. Schmutzie did a pretty hilarious round up of animated GIFs for Aiming Low. Can't decide if the panda with attitude or penguin falling over is my favorite.

5. Here is my favorite joke from my younger years (yeah, right, still pretty much my favorite):
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You 'neak up on it!

6. And in second place:
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
You paint its toenails red. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
No.
See? It works!

7. This particular light thing may not work for everyone...but it's sure workin' for me!

8. Awesome Joolie hangs out with parents who let their kid fingerpaint with his whole body. They should be in the parenting hall of fame!

9. This video of the boxer puppy being greeted by a herd of cows has been all over the internet but I can only locate it within a post of mimi smartypants' so enjoy them both!

10. On her birthday earlier this month Eden Kennedy posted a link to this great timeline of 101 white women from birth to 100. It's pretty fabulous. There's one for white men, too. (Fingers crossed for other skin color sets to appear.)

Now, if you've been inspired by all this lightness and brightness you may be ready to spread the sunshine. With one small gesture you can perk up three close friends of 117 Hudson. You may know that Cindy's husband, Chris, has been diagnosed with cancer and they met with hospice representatives last week. Sueb0b has repeatedly asked her social media community to give them the boost of comment love while we're waiting to hear what else we can do to help. She is extremely displeased at the rate of return she's getting on those requests. So, if you are able to take just a moment to say howdy and we're thinking of you to Cindy & Chris you would spread cheer in a number of directions.

*Photos from this set.

Choice, Not Necessarily Good

2012-01-31T09:54:00.000-05:00

I'm working on a list for today. The plan is for more cheerful things. In the mean time, I wound up watching a lot of movies this weekend so I updated at Please Pass the Popcorn. You know, for posterity.

Double Fister

2012-01-30T21:43:00.000-05:00

You guys, 2012 is not only a bitch she's a relentless one. I'm kind of frightened about what she's going to do next.

My schoolmate, Mia, lost her other cat, Lucy, today. Less than a week. I can't even imagine. I gave all my pets pizza crust tonight, I lavished treats on Ed and Bu, we went on a long walk, and it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. Losing two of your foot warmers in one week is heart wrenching.

Sending all my love both North and Westward.

Let's Do This Properly

2012-01-30T11:32:00.000-05:00

I have avoided this long enough.

Mallow the deaf chihuahua was diagnosed with some complications months ago. We didn't know how things would go for her but she hung in here for a good while. She loved the heck out of her people and she was uber tolerant of even a complex costume. She was mistress of a thousand expressions and took no shit from her larger companions. Recently she died and is greatly missed.

Meanwhile on another coast entirely a cat named Loki threw in the towel after 16 years of companionship to an old schoolmate of mine. Mia sent him off to Valhalla with a heavy heart but knowing it was time. (Sorry, no photo available. You'll have to take my word for it that he was a looker.)

In honor of Mallow and Loki please observe the tradition. My dog will probably be getting treats for jumping around and barking like a fool. It's what comes naturally to him and, as much as we need to get a handle on it, I know I'll miss it when it's gone.

Refuting Fleetwood Mac

2012-01-27T18:44:00.000-05:00

The grapevine in our smaller-than-it-looks neighborhood has been churning. It is, in fact, giving that old Faberge Organics commercial a run for its money. Sadly, as with most games of Telephone, the information has lost something in the translation.

He has lost a surprising amount of weight. He has lost not even an ounce of his personal brand of bounce and boogie. He is surprised and delighted by the marrow and ice cream and cheese that rains down upon him unrequested.

He lives!

And the people rejoice.

*All photos taken on 1/26/2012, 1 day after his release from VERG.

Not Quite Out Of The Sty

2012-01-26T16:47:00.000-05:00

I remain just wrung out. I'm a wallower, I admit it. I think there's value in a short wallow. Didn't Lorelei Gilmore say that?

I have a Treats for Everyone post to do but I simply can't. It's not for Bu. All reports say he is "surprisingly chipper." I'm going to go lay eyes on him this evening and have secured permission to take his photo for proof of his survival and general wellness. I am sure that I will feel better after kissing his big, boney head again. When I saw him last the vet tech said, "Do you need more time with him?" That's the phrase you're supposed to use only when someone is holding a dead body. Didn't they teach her that in her orientation? So, yeah, going to hand a marrow bone to the superhuman dog and get right with his recovery.

How about a few links today, maybe you need something to read and clearly I can't write it.

1. Here's something that's just so ding dang cute, can you stand it? Does it mean I'll have to get a big dog to carry my little dog when he gets old?

2. Feministing did an interesting round up of ways in which other politicians have fielded the declaration that President Obama is a muslim. Even some of the ones I thought were pretty good or at least inoffensive they're showing me are reinforcing the erroneous belief. Interesting.

3. I love a lot of the photos in the White House's Flickr stream but this one I wanted to share. Tough election year, tough speech, and his reward was to give good news to the family of a service member. That's even better than a bowl of ice cream.

4. For a while I've had my heart set on my dog taking the therapy dog training. He's already been in similar situations and done very well. The one thing I think he will suck at is taking the test and some recent escalations in questionable behavior have given me a small case of the despairs. Now that I know this kind of therapy is possible, though, my efforts are redoubled!

5. I, like a lot of people, still have really mixed feelings about Joe Paterno. It probably is too soon for a joke about him but I got caught up in the intelligence of this joke so I'm going to link to it. If it's too soon for you then please don't click the link.

6. Let's move right on to another joke. This one from a Canadian blog and it's ragging on some fucking dumbass recent legislative efforts here in the US. I'll say one thing for congress, it's good for late night talk show hosts!

7. Who likes books? Here's some library porn. A personal library, too. The personal library of a famous author but still. Green with envy!

8. This link is not a joke but I bet you will laugh and laugh and laugh.

9. I don't know if I asked it here, might have just been on Facebook, but I'm working on a plan to make a sort of warming coat for my dog. He suffers, pauvre puppy. He suffers so much he becomes French when the chips are down. Anyway, here's the idea, dog backpack (small, not red) with some warming device in the saddle bags. Do you think these things would work as the warmers? Theory is that if the rice is dry enough it won't smell like food and make him a portable dinner for passing dogs when he's on a walk.

OK, now tell me something I don't know.

Just Like A Country Tune

2012-01-25T22:29:00.000-05:00

Still managing to keep up with my goals from the turning of the year. Crazy Heart made me squirmy. Not in the good, Colin Farrell way.

UPDATED: Anatomy Lesson of Terror

2012-01-25T11:31:00.001-05:00

Update: As of noon today he's home!

To be clear at the beginning, this is not a Treats for Everyone post.

Yesterday our beloved Bucephalus was badly injured in a...kerfuffle in the park. After a very long day of waiting yesterday the word is that he will recover, albeit slowly. Since I wasn't able to get so listy yesterday here's a few of the things we learned.

The boy scouts teach you to put pressure on a wound. They do not clearly articulate how much pressure is required to stop a pumping chest wound.

Related to the above: Kayaking turns out to be an excellent muscle builder for putting pressure on a terrible wound. While we can definitively recommend kayaking we cannot so much recommend the other.

Our neighborhood is fabulous. From friends to strangers people come through in an emergency with a swiftness and commitment that I admire enormously.

Parents who value their ability to help save a dog's life above the question of how they will present the situation to their kids are golden. Though it may sound hyperbolic I believe that those parents are raising stronger, braver, smarter citizens who will be valuable contributors to their community in the long run.

Related to the above: Kids bring a much-needed levity to horrible situations. "You know what's good about this? I've been having a lot of trouble with my creative writing. Now I've got something to write about!"

Related to that: A kid who is interested in sharks, even a young kid, will have a basic understanding of the principles of a tourniquet.

The crash after a rush of adrenaline will make you feel pukey.

We live near one of the rockingest emergency veterinary clinics I've ever been to and, sadly, I've been to a few.

Traffic on Atlantic in rush hour sucks donkey dick.

Medical dramas and war movies are surprisingly realistic in their portrayal of the horrifying, blood-pumping-out-of-the-body emergencies. There is really that much blood and it stains your hands and your clothes and it smells in a way that makes your cats' noses perk up.

Related to the above: "Cold water and swift action" is a good motto for both blood stains and kayaking. Maybe a lot of other things, too.

The biggest, and perhaps most joyful, lesson learned yesterday is that a dog's body will find a work around if the jugular vein is severed. (Not so for the carotid artery, just the jugular vein.) That body will be bruised and swollen and will take time and effort to heal but with care it will make the necessary adjustments. Obviously that's not a course of action one wants to endorse but it's good to know that, in a pinch, your dog can spare the thing.

While, I repeat, it's not a Treats for Everyone post (thank fucking everything I can think of) I wouldn't call you crazy if you gave your pets an extra snuggle, walk, or juicy t-bone.

10 Thin...Ah Fuck It

2012-01-24T11:38:00.000-05:00

It's list day and you know how much I love a good list. This morning I was planning all the lists I could give you. A few short hours later and this is how any list I make is going to look:

1. Fuck cancer

2. Fuck stupid people

3. Fuck fate

4. Fuck 2012

5. Fuck lists!

6. Lather

7. Rinse

8. Fucking repeat

So, let's just agree that this is not a good day for me to be making lists in a productive way. I can ask questions, though. I'm equipped for that. Here's one for you:

To what would you like to give a hearty 2 fingered salute? (Answer as often as you like.)

*The dog does not have cancer.

In Memoriam: Lord Diggleston of Upper Parksbury

2012-01-23T16:09:00.000-05:00

Recently I was trying to explain the Treats For Everyone tradition here to Wendi Aarons so she wouldn't think I was weird(er) for posting about her cat's death on my blog. It's a touchy subject. I often feel as though I talk about death more than is comfortable for a lot of people. I think that people who get to know me realize it's just part of who I am and I hope they realize that it can be pretty useful to have one of those people around. For the uninitiated, though, I fear coming across as a (bigger) nutbag. So I scrolled through the posts under the Treats for Everyone tag to check and see if it represented me well before I sent the link to a writer I like and admire. I wound up in a spiral of remembrance. I realized that Pinto had died a year and a day after Emily. Now I will fear October with all my pets. When I got to Diego's short entry I had to stop.

I never wrote about his death. It was too complicated and emotional and at the time I posted I hadn't had a chance to talk to much of anyone about it. I thought I'd go back to it later. By now, of course, our whole canine clique has talked about it. A lot. We speak of him fondly and, if not often, certainly regularly. I could go back again and write about his life and death but I don't know...I just might not be ready to do that. It's kind of a you-had-to-know-him situation and I have to admit being reluctant to open him up to scrutiny. After Emily died I would occasionally go over to walk Diego. Ostensibly it was to help out his family because they were having trouble giving him enough exercise safely since his brain was broken and his reactions could be unpredictable. Really, though, it was because I was afraid to get out of the habit of walking a dog and he was a fucking dream on a leash 99% of the time. So we would walk a carefully planned route and I would talk to him and pretend I was doing him a favor when I'm sure he knew it was the other way around.

And now I'm crying.

A few days after I sent the link to Wendi Amy sent me a photo of Diggy that she'd come across (below). The subject line of the email was, "Why am I doing this to you?" and the only text was "Because I can't suffer alone." And I wouldn't want her to. I wanted to see the picture. I wanted to see more pictures and it took me about four days to get up the guts to tell her so. As I told Amy, I have a few of them but when you think about the fact that they're all we're ever going to have they just aren't enough. I think I am in possession of all the photos anyone has ever taken of Emily. I can't ever get any more of her. But Diego, not so much.

Today we emailed back and forth about Lord Diggleston's best and worst qualities and she sent me a bunch of photos. Some of them I had seen and loved before and a few I never had. Some day I'll probably tell his whole story (subject to permission of course) but today I just wanted to share some pictures, to have them saved for posterity in searchable format on the almighty internet.

He's a gorgeous boy, don't you think?

Struck By...Something

2012-01-22T18:08:00.000-05:00

OK, internet, we all know I'm crazy but mostly the affable Zooey-Deschanel-without-cleavage kind of crazy. I tread pretty close to the line, though, but at least I know it. At least I'm aware that I need to check in periodically to make sure I haven't turned the corner to Grey-Gardens-with-the-decorating-scheme kind of crazy.

This is one of those times.

It's cold out, that's no surprise, it's winter in New York. The dog gets cold, which is also not a surprise. This is an animal that seeks out a patch of sun to nap in when it's 90 degrees out. He likes to get in under the bed where it's really hot when the temps go over 80, just to get himself comfortable. My apartment is routinely over 85F in the winter and he likes to sleep under the comforter down near my feet. He's a hot temp dog is what I'm saying. He has quality outerwear bought and handmade for him by friends and family. He hates putting these things on but I force it, dragging him out from under the dining room table and from behind chairs to zap him with the relentless static of a sweater and coat. Still it's 18F with a whipping wind and we wind up staying outside for an hour at a stretch a lot of mornings. I'm starting to worry that the cumulative effect of so much time outside is hurting him.

I've wanted to get the dog a backpack. This is not crazy. This might be self-preservation on some level. Need to make him carry his own weight and so he gets tired reliably. I've held off because I haven't seen one in the wild and I'm never confident about what things will fit my oddly proportioned dog. Today, while buying cat food, I saw that the local pet food store had my first choice backpack (small, preferably not red) available. So I checked out how it would look on him and I think it'd be a good fit. I think I might be able to get it slightly cheaper online so I'm holding out for that.

As I walked out of the store I had an inspiration. This is where it might be turning the corner so please keep your hands and arms inside the car at all times. What if I got him the backpack and he wore that instead of the coat, maybe on top of the sweater still, and then I put chemical hand warmers or small reheateable rice bags or, I don't know, baked potatoes in the backpack to keep him warm? On a scale of Queen Elizabeth to George III exactly how crazy is that?

Anyone? Why are you backing away like that? It's just a question, I haven't done it yet! Guys? Guys! Guys?

Little Plastic Cars

2012-01-21T23:03:00.000-05:00

There have been some sad doings in some of the annexes of 117 Hudson these last weeks. They aren't my stories to tell but I've been spending some energy trying to help people make themselves big enough to hold* their challenges. In the end, though, there isn't a ton I can do to help. I try to honor their philosophies by making forward motion. Yesterday alone I had a vocal coaching session, an hour with an accompanist, and I taught myself how to shoot in manual mode on my camera (hence these photos). That's quite enough self-improvement for one day, thanks.

The other thing I'm trying to do is laugh every day. Today, of course, it snowed and we went to the park. Dogs in snow is always good for at least one laugh, usually more. Seeing Ben's pure joy undiluted even when Mr. Smith took him out at the knees kept me going for a good, long time. There weren't any belly laughs, though, maybe the snow was in my eyes. Sometimes perhaps you need an element of surprise to light a fire under your cackler.

Tonight I did laundry**. When I got to the laundry room there was a father-son pair in there. At least I think it was a father and a son, they were so tightly bundled against the cold I could only guess. The father was sorting laundry and the son was playing with some plastic cars. As I loaded up a washer I could hear the little guy talking through his play but he was so muffled up I couldn't hear what he was saying except for the occasionally repeated, "Wahoo!" mumble mumble mumble mumble "Wahoo!" mumble mumble mumble "Wahoo!" mumble "Wahoo!" etc. I had to cover my giggles in a dirty sweater so as not to embarrass anyone. It was a great laugh, even when suppressed. Thanks, kid.

"Wahoo!"

*Remind me to tell you about that phrase some time.
**I know. Laundry on a Saturday night. I didn't want to make you jealous but it was integral to the story.

Sending Good JuJu

2012-01-20T08:11:00.000-05:00

Do me a favor today, will you? Meditate a bit on this picture today. One of these ladies could use the good thoughts.

Always, Except For Now

2012-01-19T16:43:00.000-05:00

I am generally all for handing kids dark, difficult material and letting them work out what they can about it. Stupid, probably, given that I was a child scarred by an accidental partial viewing of a black and white version of Moby Dick. Still, if they're interested I figure let's have at it! I'm currently deciding whether 10 is too young an age for Godspell or Porgy & Bess.

Twice, though, in recent memory I have been knocked back. The first was when someone passed The Book Thief along to me. I read it, didn't love it, felt it was disturbing in a creeping, cold way and wondered why so many people were talking about it. Then someone, Chili maybe, described it as a Young Adult book. That I did find disturbing. I don't think it's inappropriate at all in terms of subject matter, it just doesn't feel like YA lit to me. Something about the way the story was told felt too adult and not young enough.

Earlier this month a children's librarian I love and trust sent me a book call The White Darkness. There's no confusion here. It's an award-winning YA book with a style and feel of books in that vein. The plot, though, the subject matter, well, I....I just don't know.

It's about the Antarctic. It's about taking an unexpected trip there. It's about family and trust and knowledge and self-esteem. It's a coming-of-age story, sure, but it's a coming-of-age against all odds story that's much more visceral than any C. S. Lewis concoction that's for sure. I didn't laugh or cry so I thought at first that the harrowing tale hadn't made me feel anything. Then I realized it had made me feel cold, hollow, and not a little despairing.

I'm glad I read it. It's sure as shit sticking with me. I can't stop talking about it. I just don't know that I'd recommend it to any young adults. I'm particularly wary of suggesting it to anyone who mirrors the protagonist; smart, sensitive, a little out of step with the in-crowd. I think those kinds of kids might find this story earth shaking.

Or maybe that's just me.

Photo Challenge: Resolved

2012-01-18T20:01:00.000-05:00

If you're a casual internet user you may not know that today was a day of action for people who oppose two bills in Congress. The bills are meant to fight internet piracy but instead will...you know, just click over to The Oatmeal which is the simplest and nicest way to learn about something that will likely affect you, the casual internet user, more than it will the average internet pirate.

The action that most people took was to black out their sites or not to post. The time frame wasn't strictly defined but for most it was 8am to 8pm. Which is all to explain why the photo challenge is late today. Please enjoy the photos and then join the fight against SOPA and PIPA.

It's only me and lshykula in the challenge this time around so I put in two for each of us. Scroll down for the next prompt.

Lisa has been taking just amazing photos of the mountains in her home state. Purple mountains majesty indeed.

I don't actually know if this chord was resolving or not. Sounded good, though.

At this point we both got all tech geeky and started playing with apps to make composite photos.

Terriers have a wicked sense of resolve when they're on task. Buce is no exception.

In honor of the internet pirates who started this legislative snowball the next prompt is ARRRRR! Which is also kind of in honor of how growly I feel now that we're solidly in winter.

Please add your photos to our Flickr photo pool by 9am on Tuesday January 31st for posting on Wednesday February 1st. (ARRR! February already!) Let me know if you have any questions.

Chancing It

2012-01-17T21:45:00.000-05:00

I watched an HBO film about military escorts for bodies returning from combat death. I wrote about it over at Please Pass the Popcorn.

Five By Five* Weekend

2012-01-17T10:37:00.000-05:00

2. Had dinner with Kath to celebrate my birthday. That's when we took all these photos.

4. Impersonated The Tooth Fairy via phone to help someone remember to leave his tooth for pick up. If I had it to do all over again I'd refine the character.

6. Got a brand new cable box/DVR that's top of the line and has never been used by another home before. Fancy.

8. Worked on my Angry Birds technique. I'm not a lot better but I think I'm getting a feel for it.

10. Finished The White Darkness and began The Name of This Book is Secret.

*Name the fictional character who helped bring this expression into the popular lexicon.

And One More Thing For Your Birthday

2012-01-15T19:22:00.000-05:00

Chili celebrates her appearance on the planet today.

We've texted and Facebooked over the course of the day.

Wouldn't be the same if I didn't gather a few hot folks for her, though.

This is a hodge podge of delicious beauties.

I don't even know if she knows them all.

For instance Chris Hemsworth (below) I found on an Outlander fantasy casting blog post. (Check out who they chose for Claire. SO AGREE.)

Oh, and these guys are the best vampires with souls (most of the time) that I ever did see.

Hope you like all these pretties.

I do it 'cause I like you.

Happy Birthday!

And many more.

Popcorn With Pina

2012-01-13T23:15:00.000-05:00

I used my writing energy over at Please Pass The Popcorn today. I couldn't put limits on my feelings about Pina.

Living With Yogi Bear

2012-01-12T16:35:00.000-05:00

Every year Pony Express makes me a birthday cake. It's extremely generous of and time consuming for her, especially when I refuse to pick a cake but specify a work-intensive frosting. I like German Chocolate Cake frosting a lot. A whole lot. Once she's done all that work she carries the cake to wherever we happen to be celebrating in her fancy pie basket that looks basically like this.

We celebrated on Sunday and I have been hoarding the cake ever since. We did a good job on it at my brunch gathering, ate more than half, so I was eating it a piece at a time, knowing that I wanted to finish it before the last slice was more cracker than cake. It was a close brush but last night I was going to eat the last piece and I was sure that at least half of it would still be in prime condition. Also, frosting!

Imagine my surprise when I lifted the hinged lid of the pie basket, looked inside, and discovered a massacre! Someone, and I honestly can't be sure who, had licked almost all the frosting off the last healthy-sized chunk of cake.

Let's go over the crime scene. Time of death had to be during the day yesterday because I had a bite of cake before I left for work. While I was away someone had to have gotten up onto the dining room table, sniffed out the cake, lifted the lid of the basket, licked all the frosting off the top of the cake, flipped the top layer of cake off the bottom layer, licked almost all the frosting off the bottom layer of cake, closed the lid of the basket, gotten off the table, and fallen into a sugar coma. It's possible they flipped the lid up and did the work while the lid rested uncomfortably on the back of his or her neck then slipped out so the lid gently slapped back into place. How did they know not to eat the cake, which was chocolate and therefore toxic?

Actually that last leads me to believe it was the work of the dog. The cats, who are not above grand larceny when the opportunity arises, tend to just start with the first irresistible thing they encounter and eat until they hit bottom. I have had to extract them from cereal box jails and dog food bag paradise. The bungee cord that holds my pantry doors shut isn't an earthquake safety measure. There's no finesse to their work. The dog, though, cracked into a box of holiday cookies and spread them all over the living room but only actually tasted about three things and none of those were the things that could have killed him. He didn't damage the box or the plastic wrap used in the packing. Also, he was pretty amped when I got home last night.

There is never a dull moment when you live with a miniature Yogi Bear. Perhaps I have finally learned not to let him near my pickinick basket.

Sticking Our Tongues Out At It

2012-01-11T19:02:00.000-05:00

Good friend to 117 Hudson and to me, Cindy of Elephant Soap, got some shitty news yesterday. She and her beloved, Chris, could use some good thoughts if you've got any to spare.

Nearly Wordless Wednesday: Catching Up

2012-01-11T15:40:00.000-05:00

I've made the decision to get a new computer. I'm waiting to actually purchase it until my bonus comes in. Not sure when that will happen. Unavoidable delays have piled up. Decision made, though, and signed off on with questions answered by a lovely geek at the new Apple Store, I am chomping at the bit for a new precious partner.

One of the most irksome things is that the computer I have is slow. Think about how slow dial up felt when you'd tried a T-1 line for the first time. It feels (and nearly is) that slow. This is more frustrating somehow even than working around the things that the old machine cannot do at all. Working on anything complex, say for instance photos, is a Herculean task.

It's a first world problem. I know that. I'll be all the happier to get it for the anticipation, too. Since I don't have it yet I can just be super proud of myself that I overcame this terrible adversity to bring my Flickr up to date.

You should go over there if you like pictures. You might find something you like.

For Fun

2012-01-11T11:34:00.000-05:00

Some of you have seen this already but I felt my boy deserved a wider audience. Auntie served as videographer. Make note that he'll do this for a carrot. With something more tempting the possibilities are endless!

Sounds Like Dissolved

2012-01-10T13:48:00.000-05:00

10 Resolution-like Items

1. Complete my 365 project

2. See how far I can go on my 50 days of sit ups. So far I'm still doing them, usually in the morning, and doing them all in a row. Might not sound like much to some but to me....

3. Write more (terrible to be so amorphous about it but I've already cleared a space on my desk and used it for writing so perhaps it'll work, perhaps)

4. Take that ever-loving trip to Italy with my mom (Sept/Oct)

5. Pin my dad down for a destination for a trip with him in 2013

6. Do at least one set of performances of my cabaret show (this is riddled with little steps like finding an accompanist and a venue)

7. Modify my website to reflect all the things I do with an eye to being able to properly market myself as a photographer

8. Keep up with my short reviews on Please Pass the Popcorn

9. Post once a week on Kizz & Tell, making it a place I feel good about

10. Use the languishing gift certificate for a massage

*Don't forget that the RESOLVED photo challenge is active. Submissions close next Tuesday at 9am.

**Photos are me before bed at age 42 and the next day me after a shower at age 43.

That Thing About That Year

2012-01-09T12:31:00.000-05:00

Years ago the lovely Linda started posting this meme. It's one of my favorite of the year end wrap-ups. Yes, the year has ended but today is my birthday so it's a year ending of a different sort.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Traveled to China which included being on a plane for almost double the time I'd ever been on a plane before. Traveled to California. Walked out of my job, packed my shit, and got on a plane to go to a funeral on 30 minutes notice. I've done all those things except get on a plane before. Usually my end-of-life duties are within driving distance. Took a tricks class for dogs and continued to use that information to make my dog a party animal. Sang, in performance, I song I barely knew in a group I'd met the day before and had a whale of a time! Attended and participated in a Canadian wedding.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
I can't find what I resolved last year. Figure I wished I'd done more singing, writing, acting etc. So I did do a lot more singing and, through that, acting. It was a huge step to get a new vocal coach and have that relationship continue to work for me. I also revamped and worked on my Life List. I was a pretty good friend. I tried a bunch of new things. I think I did OK. I will make a few for the coming year. Probably this week as I recover from the holiday to birthday slip-n-slide.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 
Who fucking didn't? (A lot of you, I know.) A friend upstate, the dogwalking couple, one kid of each of my bosses, a college friend, and my cousin's wife is due in April. Oh and a friend's wife overseas.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yup, Queen Bee's sister and Moody.

5. What countries did you visit?
China, Canada

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A venue for my cabaret show. An accompanist. A travel plan for the trip to Italy in the fall. A new computer. A grip.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 4. I don't know if it's the date that Cyndi died or of one of her memorial services but it's the one I somehow associate with the events. June 10, when Moody died. June 11, when I took a stand I didn't think I was capable of.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? 
I shot pictures that were used on a singer's CD materials. We came up with the concept, scouted locations and brought the whole thing to fruition. Teaching my dog to ride a skateboard was pretty cool, too. Also not losing my shit on a long airplane ride.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not doing more for my career. I have a hard time being proactive and I do need a lot of down time for my brain but not as much as I take.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I've taken more sick days from work. A series of low level blah days but haven't had any big illnesses, thankfully. I have had a few fillings. Those suck.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The classes for my dog. The tour of Beijing. Every lesson with my vocal coach. The trips to Canada and California.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Fuck if I know. Mortgage, maintenance, lessons for me and the dog, travel.

13. What did you get really excited about?
I know I'm a broken record but, seriously, I went to CHINA. I'm pretty sure you don't get more excited about anything else in the year that happens unless you already live in China. I'm still talking about it all the time.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
It's a late entry but it sure made this question easier for me this year. It's called Time Between Trains by an extremely cool woman, Susan Werner, who I was lucky enough to see live. I'll put in a video of her singing it but she's a phenomenal live performer so it won't be the same. It'll be good, though. Very good.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you: 
– happier or sadder? I think about the same.
– thinner or fatter? Right now about the same. I went down then back up for the holidays.
– richer or poorer? A bit poorer partly due to travel and partly due to investing in appliances I wanted/needed. I bought well in hopes they'll last. However, as soon as my bonus comes in I'll be spending most of it on a new computer.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of? 
Way more writing. Way more letting shit go. More sleeping (peppy dog cuts into sleep time).

17. What do you wish you’d done less of? 
Worrying about stuff I am never going to fucking change. Taking care of people who didn't deserve or appreciate it. (Perfectly ok with the time I spent taking care of people who deserved and appreciated it. Could have done more of that.) Contemplating without action the things that make me nervous.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
In NH with people I love. I have some pics of Christmas Day but the Christmas Eve shots were taken on my cousin's enviable Canon and I'm still waiting for him to send them my way. No regrets from me and no pressure on him, though. I loved playing with the high end toy.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
God I will never be able to choose just one. I unexpectedly loved the US version of Prime Suspect. It was no surprise to love Downton Abbey. Sons of Anarchy was back on its game. Parenthood remains one of the most painfully great shows. I'm not ashamed to say I love Burn Notice, too.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Tina Fey's Bossypants for sure. I kept wanting to tweet excerpts but I would have been tweeting the whole thing. The two House of Niccolo books I read. Interesting, though, looking over the books I read this year those are the only 3 I really loved. I liked a bunch more but I only jumped up and down about these.

21. What was your favorite music from this year? 
The music I sang. Some October Project, some Cy Coleman, some show tunes, some Susan Werner.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Oy, I just started that thing on Please Pass the Popcorn because I can't remember the movies I've seen this year. I liked The Town an awful lot. Dangerous Method was fun. I'll try to keep better track next year. I did go back and look on PPP and the one movie I spent the time to talk about was Winter's Bone. It was almost a year ago. Wonderful movie, truly amazing. If you haven't seen it I hope it's on your list.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 42 and it seems that we went to brunch and the plans went a little awry but I'm damned if I can remember how.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Performing. I did a couple of open mics but I wanted more.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Abysmal. It always is. I managed to look cute in the clutch but the photos of me from China are cringeworthy.

26. What kept you sane?
The pets, which is good 'cause they're the same ones that make me insane. Writing. Since I did so little writing I think we've hit on why I might have been a little nutso this year.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. 
Aren't they always lessons you've been trying to learn forever? I learned, "It's never as bad as you think it is." 14 hours on a plane? Weird and icky but not brain melting! "Just keep showing up" made an appearance, too. I may not have made leaps and bounds but I kept showing up and forward motion was had.

Asking & Receiving aka The Internet Can Be Cool

2012-01-08T22:01:00.000-05:00

I took a couple of pictures of a fun dog name Archie in proximity to Buce's tail. Then I turned it into this ditych with the Diptic app for my iPad.

Then I posted it to Flickr and said that I really wished I had an animated gif of the two shots because that's how I saw them when I first flipped through the shots on my camera. Awesome Joolie, whose blog is here, stepped right in and made this.

She is now Super Awesome Joolie to me.

It's a Marathon Not a Sprint

2012-01-05T10:15:00.000-05:00

Chili and I have kicked off the new year with a realization. It's simple but significant. It's better to write a little bit about all the movies we see than to write nothing at all about any of them. Sure, it's only January 5, but I think we're onto something sustainable. Here's hoping it will revitalize Please Pass the Popcorn as well. If you like movies and you like short sentences I think you're going to like the 4 posts we put up over the last two days.

*That's Michael Fassbender. We're going to be seeing a lot of him this awards season. I'm excited for that.

Another One Down

2012-01-04T14:25:00.000-05:00

Friend of 117 Hudson, Wendi Aarons, said goodbye to her cat of 19 years, Dickens, just before Christmas. I am still catching up on my blog reading so I just found out today. Go over here and read about her lucky rescue and subsequent fancy life. Then make sure that there are treats for everyone, for all the pets you have sway over.

Tonight the shopping bag claimant above and her two partners in crime will be getting some liver broth, a by product of the beloved Scooter Snacks. Some called it spoiled, we call it The Goldilocks Principle, 'cause it's just right.

Photo Challenge: DONE/BEGUN

2012-01-04T06:23:00.000-05:00

Here we go, kicking off a brandy new year of photo challenges. I love this tradition and thank you to everyone who encourages it.

To recap, these are the results of the DONE/BEGUN challenge and if you scroll down, enjoying the photos while you do, you'll see the next challenge. I hope you'll join us.

I've been doing a 365 project, taking photos of my hands. This shot is part of year 3 of Elephant Soap's photo a day of herself. I am inspired by her creativity and bravery in setting up shots. I hope to learn from it.

I wanted to see the recent lunar eclipse but I did not get my ass out of the house to do so. Lshykula is always ready to jump at a chance to do and see things. So I watched the eclipse through her lens. Thanks, Lisa!

My neighborhood has a fantastic tradition of blowing off steam (pipes) at midnight on New Year's Eve. On the way there this year I ran into herm007 and her clan. This shot of her youngest during the loudest portion of the evening perfectly communicates how crazy it feels when it's so loud your innards are vibrating and all that does is make you smile.

Fondofsnape was the first person I knew to regularly make composite photos to get her point across. I love it when she does one specially for the challenge like this one. Now that I've gotten an iPad app to help me make them I hope to follow in her footsteps.

One of my other favorite neighborhood traditions is caroling. Along the route we always go down into a local subway station to sing in the wonderful tunnel acoustics. I snapped this as we headed back to street level to surprise some more neighbors with our lusty voices.

I like picking prompts that have a number of meanings but, for me at least, resonate with current events. Therefore behold the next challenge: RESOLVED. What do you think?

Please add your photos to our Flickr photo pool by 9am on Tuesday January 17th for posting on Wednesday January 18th . Let me know if you have any questions.

10 Things Mrs. X

2012-01-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

Steph posted a photo of her mom on Facebook this morning to mark the 5th anniversary of her death. I would absolutely have stolen it and posted it here but I'm at work and we don't get Facebook here because people are stupid. I combed through my archives and found a few goodies to fill out a list of 10.

1.

2. The last time I saw her Mrs. X took my hand to lead me into the living room so the others would follow us so she could sit down. I think of the way that felt all the time.

3. Every time we eat clementines ChemE and I remember that Mrs. X would painstakingly peel all of the white pith off of them so ChemE would eat them

4.

5. She instituted our Christmas tradition of "Heifer and Homemade" because she didn't want us to spend time and money shopping and worrying and she thought that those two things - donating and giving from the heart - were worthy of us.

6. After she lost much of her hair she wore this bright red beret and when it was broiling hot out she'd soak it in cold water to keep her cool.

7.

8. She made some of the worst chicken I have ever eaten in my whole life.

9. I would give almost anything for the chance to eat that chicken again.

10.

How Far?

2012-01-02T21:59:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow I head back to the grind...sort of. I won't do a full week at work for another 2 weeks. Still, it's more days per week than I've done since the middle of December so, hey, feels a little grindy, right? I'm still thinking on plans and resolutions and lists.

I have, however, made one tiny step in the right direction. Since I've only made one step I guess that's the one I'm going to have to share with you. Inspired by lshykula's 100 days of burpees I decided to do 50 days of sit ups. You do 1 on the day 1, 2 on day 2, and so on. So far so good, except when I accidentally smacked my head into the floor this afternoon. I have no idea if I'm going to be able to do this. I've never done 50 sit ups in one day in my life. I just decided I wanted to see how far I could go.

How far do you want to go this year?

Day 1

2012-01-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

For day 1 of the new year I decided to relax like it was my job. If only, right? I feel as though I used to do this more often, though I think that's not accurate. I think I used to absolve myself of the guilt of it more often. Food for thought in 2012.

What are your thoughts and deeds for the first day of our new year?

Catching It

2011-12-31T22:08:00.000-05:00

I won't nearly catch up on my photos by the end of 2011 but I did put a dent in the backlog today. They're here. I haven't added anything to the DONE/BEGUN photo challenge yet but I'm going to work on that tomorrow.

Hope you're having a happy new year!

*Can anyone identify the book in that photo? I can't!

List of the Year

2011-12-31T10:34:00.000-05:00

Today I make a to do list for the rest of the year. Of course I also have to finish it before the end of the year which, in case you're living under a rock, is the end of the day. One of the things I've wanted to do for days is the end of year meme. If you haven't seen it before I'm linking to the first post of every month using the first sentence in that post.

Also, I'm watching Homeland.

January: Steaming Into 2011

February: Last week Chili was kind enough to include me in a list of bloggers of whom she is fond.

March: We're eating some toast and getting ready for our last day in China.

April: At least someone got their nap on today.

May: Sara and I bought my friend, Noah's, book, 365: Make Something Every Day And Change Your Life .

June: I had plans and dreams for the holiday weekend.

July: It would be cheaper (and quieter) to have this cat plated in platinum.

August: I put up a new little piece of fiction at Kizz & Tell .

September: I'm a waiter.

October: Sometimes you have a ton of stuff to do and you wind up just doing the one thing you feel like doing.

November: Today's the first day of NaBloPoMo and there ain't nothing like "having" to post to make me drag my heels.

December: As a personal assistant you tend to live in the future.

Happy New Year! I hope you're doing something fun tonight and for the whole of 2012.

Brooklyn Royalty

2011-12-30T21:57:00.000-05:00

Sir Robert of Lower Snaggletoothington and Lord Edison of Upper Strungley are in the manor, bitches!

(You can think of this as either the only slang I'm really comfortable with or preparation for the US premiere of the 2nd season of Downton Abbey.)

*Photos courtesy of Pony Express

Rolling Downhill

2011-12-29T22:06:00.000-05:00

Once you get into relaxation mode it's hard to get out again. I made some pretty pictures, though. You like pretty pictures. Don't you?

Most But Never All

2011-12-28T10:02:00.000-05:00

I had a great Christmas. If you know me at all you know that it's a rare thing for me to say. It's true, though, cross my blackened heart.

However, nothing is perfect. On the one hand perfect is boring and who wants perfect? On the other hand it wasn't perfect* because I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to see and that sucks. (I believe you know who you are.) That happened last year, too, many visits were canceled or cut short due to the blizzard. This year it was a blizzard of the mind. Equally devastating but generally won't require a snowblower.

Maybe next year will be perfect. I doubt it. I can guarandamntee it'll be imperfect in different ways, though. I appreciate the love, support, and patience of everyone I saw and didn't see. Hope you all had happily memorable holidays**.

*Also because the drive home sucked donkey balls. Could have been worse but I'm pretty sure it couldn't have been more boring. Next year one of you needs to come to Christmas with me just so I'll have company for the drive home.

**No, I won't say Merry Christmas*** because a lot of people who read here don't celebrate it. Also, I'm not what you'd call a "good Christian" but I'm pretty sure that Jesus doesn't give a donkey-riding fuck about a holiday made popular by Montgomery Ward (or whoever).

***Take a deep breath. The "war on Christmas" is something made up to keep you from noticing other things that might be wrong on our home soil. Don't be snowed.

Validated But No Parking

2011-12-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

I know I'm not alone in often feeling like I'm not doing enough but even when I feel busy, and it's easy for me to feel busy, I feel like there's an extra foot I should be reaching. If there's any time I feel that more than others it's the holidays. (Please feel free to join in when the chorus comes 'round again on the guitar.)

On the other hand I quit drinking caffeine around 15 years ago and it made me fucking tired. I learned that I need sleep. I love sleep. I would marry sleep but it's a damn tease. I also know that my brain likes to work hard, rest, and process before it'll come to some conclusion or revelation or just some flipping closure. I try to keep this knowledge in the forefront of my mind as I make goals and try to reach them. Trying is the first step.

And then I go to a concert or have a lesson or see a movie or read a blog and decide that I'm wasting my life and I have to do more now! This is usually when things go badly for me.

This week was shaping up to be pretty busy. Not by busy people standards, of course, but by mine. Today, for instance, was going to be an up at 6, work 9-3, get food, do a photo shoot, sing at an open mic, go home, walk dog, pack, clean, write out cat feeding instructions, and finally sleep. (See above re: my deep affection for sleep.)

Then there was that fire. I got to work from home for 2 days and consequently had almost everything I needed to do before I left for the North land tomorrow done before I left for the photo shoot tonight. It's hard not to feel as though someone or something was telling me, "You're right. You need to go slow. You'll get there but on your own time."

I can't stop feeling that I'm missing something, I suppose. Lucky things like this help me keep it at bay, though. From arm's length everything doesn't look quite so ugly and urgent. I'm still going to feel a little inadequate I bet but, damn it, I'm going to do so at a moderate pace.

London Bridge

2011-12-21T21:56:00.000-05:00

It's only fair that I admit that I was late to work this morning. I count on the MTA to make up for the inability I seem to have to take myself seriously when I say, "We're leaving at 8." On this day, however, it kind of worked in my favor.

It's also probably right for me to admit that I was amusing myself by reading Twitter while I walked. I never run into people, I always pay attention, I've never fallen down an open manhole so please keep the reading and walking lectures for later. I did, though, jump about a foot when the phone rang and interrupted me. I was only a block from the train, I was on my way! I felt caught.

After the usual pleasantries my boss said, "The building caught on fire. It's closed today and maybe tomorrow, too."

While we're admitting stuff I may as well tell you that I laughed. I couldn't help it. So absurd, right? This close to Christmas and in the middle of Hannukah it was just too too perfect.

To the best of my knowledge no one was hurt. I turned tail and worked from home. I napped on my lunch hour, hit the PO, did some laundry and hung out with my pooch and my kitty cats. It was a good day. I know that it's not possible that we'll have another day off.

A girl can dream, though, can't she?

Photo Challenge: JINGLE (Dammit!)

2011-12-21T10:10:00.000-05:00

Here we are celebrating the final challenge of the year. Er, photo challenge, that is. I'm sure the year will find a way to be challenging for the next week and a half, hopefully in small, inconsequential ways.

This was an especially fun challenge and I think you're going to like the results. Please tell the snappers what you think and scroll down for the next challenge. The year may be over but we're going to keep doing this because it's fun (dammit)!

I always look at the themed Christmas trees and think they're beautiful but I could never have one in my home. I'd have to have them be like lshykula's here, full of ornaments that reflect the folks that live there. No one wants a store display in their living room. Well, no one I like.

Last minute entry by fondofsnape! She had this photo op in the lobby of her office building. We do not have anything nearly as cool where I work. Envy!

This is the money shot from a great, though apparently slightly frustrating, homemade ornament tutorial by herm007. I think it's clear what everyone on my list will be getting next year!

Buce's male grown up was standing behind me holding Buce's ball above the camera. If the authorities are alerted I fear we may be jailed for torturing an innocent. Picture turned out pretty good, though, eh?

I really want Elephant Soap to meet Kath because, though they both would have taken this fun shot, Kath would have stolen the ornament after to put on her own tree.

Easy peasy, the next challenge is DONE/BEGUN to celebrate the way the next fortnight will straddle the new year.

Please add your photos to our Flickr photo pool by 9am on Tuesday January 3, 2012 (AUGH!) for posting on Wednesday January 4th . Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks as always for loving this feature.

10 Things I've Seen & Heard In The Big Bad City Recently

2011-12-20T15:36:00.000-05:00

1. Child (7ish years of age) wandering haphazardly along the sidewalk while her parents repeatedly urge her to keep walking, "I just burped!"

2. Man in festive, if varied, holiday clothes standing dead center of a sidewalk screaming after a woman, "Skinny bitch! Stupid bitch! That's an example of a stupid, skinny bitch!"

3. The longest conversation ever conducted on the relative merits of the automated postal machine vs. the teller window.

4. Floor manager at the PO, "Who needed the pen to send the package to [insert country I can't remember]?" Someone raises hand. "I remembered the package but not the face."

5. Dog wearing 2 coats and a light up collar with an owner encased in a sleeping bag coat, hat, and 2 pairs of mittens in 47F weather. (Confession: this was me and Ed. I misread the temperature before I left the house. Also, I don't like to be cold.)

6. Couple standing outside an Irish Pub at lunch time. She is red faced and crying, wiping her eyes on the lapel of her pea coat. He is murmuring things that I chose to believe were comforting. They are not touching at all.

7. Posters for a new reality show on A&E, Shipping Wars. A show about mailing packages? For real? This is a thing? I would so win that.

8. Some of my awesome friends gathered at Cowgirl from 3 countries and 2 states. Best Saturday night in a long time. (Pictured)

9. The remains of a box of delicious Christmas cookies strewn about my living room floor. Thanks, dog.

10. An older lady behind me in the PO line, talking on her cell phone about a party she'd recently thrown, clearly delighted with her bad self, "When I saw it was 3am I said, 'Do you people know how old I am? You have to leave right now!'"

10 Walls To Bump Into

2011-12-20T13:15:00.000-05:00

I'm sure I've told you this before but at some point in preparing for anything I wind up completely unable to prioritize and simply start doing one thing until I bump into the next thing and doing that until I bump into a third. Once I made a wildly organized trip to the PO yesterday, came back to the office and realized that I'd forgotten two things I knew I'd reached the bumping point. So here's a list of 10 things I might bump into.

1. I had such an awesome time taking pictures of dogs on Saturday. I haven't even begun to fight on processing them but holy hell there was fun to be had.

2. This is not a thing I have to do but it deserves its own spot on the list even though I've been telling everyone within earshot about it for 3 days now. My dog was so good on Saturday morning. It's nearly impossible to explain how stellar his behavior was. I was mostly paying attention to other dogs since I had limited time to take photos but I was trying to keep tabs on him. I didn't hardly need to. He kept checking back in with me regularly and was never so far away I couldn't see him. Conclusion: I need to ignore that dog more often.

3. Process other photos. I've been to concerts and caroling and seeing Santa and all of those photos are trapped on the computer. I need to unleash them onto the internet. I want to!

4. Laundry is mostly done but for the putting away. Yesterday I wore that last thing in the tiny piece of the Venn Diagram that was both weather and work appropriate.

5. I'm about ready to get out the suitcases and just leave them open in the living room so that any time I see something that needs to come on the trip I can just toss it in the bag. It's not an elegant system but it's one that works for me.

6. First, though, I need to clear away the upended 5 gallon bucket. During the dishwasher repair a bucket was required. (Having the dishwasher leak and be difficult to repair sucked but my floors have never been so clean!) The only bucket I really have is a 5 gallon one that I used to move stuff to this apartment over 9 years ago. I had chucked more stuff into the bucket but not taken any out in all that time. That stuff is now in a pile on the dining room floor and needs some attention. Anyone need a potentially lethal extension cord? Dusty length of rope? Half a dowel?

7. Also not a bumpintoable thing but did you know that Sunday marked my 9th anniversary of home ownership. 9 years ago that night I was sitting on the floor staring at a neon orange wall and clutching a bottle of dishwasher liquid. This past Sunday I celebrated by ordering in Chinese food for me and Pony Express. Lest you think that's a lame way to celebrate such a milestone I will paraphrase Mare Winningham, "it was my apartment... and it was the BEST [crab rangoon] that I have had in my entire life."

8. Must make cranberry bread. I don't think that I need to give it to anyone at this point but I already bought the oranges and the cranberries and I don't want them to go to waste.

9. Distribute rum balls to good neighbors.

10. Secure cat care for the 24th and 25th. Holy hell I haven't secured cat care! Shit. OK, gotta go.

Whoa What?

2011-12-19T22:34:00.001-05:00

I had pictures for you and a little story to tell and then I had to find an envelope to fit an outsized card and I got tired and and and...

So, yeah, perhaps tomorrow I'll have a minute to blog without guilt.

That's gonna be the title of my autobiography, "Blogging Without Guilt." Or should it be gilt?

Oh for the love...clearly time for sleep.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Turns Out To Be A Wash

2011-12-16T22:10:00.000-05:00

I procrastinate a lot. I'm a big waiter. I'm good at that. Sometimes it works out pretty well.

I may have told you that my dishwasher was leaking. It teamed up with a bunch of leaks in my kitchen and it was the least intrusive so it took a while to get some attention. Attention it got on Monday, though. Unfortunately that attention involved an unavoidable accident that rendered it more floody than leaky and therefore unusable. Dude, I hate to do dishes. So much. We had to wait for a part to be ordered so I knew I'd have to do some dishes but not right away. In fact, though, I managed to put off doing any dishes for so long that the part came in and now my dishwasher is fixed and never a rubber glove did I have to don! Whoo!

Other times, however, not so much. There's caroling in my neighborhood every year. A group of folks have been doing it for over 40 years. The general rule is "the Friday before Christmas" but it's flexible. I really hoped that this year it would be this weekend and not next but I didn't know for sure. Sometimes I run into the organizers around the neighborhood but it's not something I can schedule so I crossed my fingers that it would be tonight and planned to just go and see. It finally occurred to me about 45 minutes before the usual start time that I could go to the garden we use as a gathering place and see if there was a sign.

45 minutes before the start time.

Weeks of waffling and wishing and worrying and I could have walked 3 blocks and read a sign.

It's amazing I've survived this long under my own power, no? I did have a great time caroling, though. It's one of my favorite events of the season. I offer to carry a lantern and the basket for the lyric books because I want to worm my way into the good graces of the organizers. It seems to be working. I hope they schedule it on the early weekend next year, too.

It Never Rests

2011-12-15T16:42:00.000-05:00

"It" being my starred file. I just can't stop starring things even though Google has tried to make the star as hard to find as the rest of the site is hard to read. People, y'all need to quit redesigning shit that works fine. I don't use y'all lightly. It conveys deep disappointment in your commitment to the greater good. Also gravy. Y'all is all about gravy.

(OK, I'll say it, "and good gravy does your new look for reader and mail suck!")

The Awesome Amber, who I had dinner with just a short time ago, made a very cool gift guide. Items 2, 7, & 9 would certainly look as good on me as they will on her!

Amber also linked to Lisa Congdon's blog and I starred that entry for 2 reasons. 1. Lisa was celebrating 4 years with her rescued chill chihuahua and 2. I really enjoy Lisa's art.

If you're looking for gifts that also give back Chookooloonks, aka Karen Walrond, made a gift guide for that.

Ari at Advanced Style explained how he responds when he stops a stylish subject for a photo and she replies, "But I'm an Old Lady." Just look at the woman's eyes in that post. Gorgeous!

I defy you to look at the top photo of these dogs who need to be adopted together and not promptly melt.

I probably tell you to go read Seth's blog a lot but it's only because you're not commenting on the blog so I can't prove that you're reading. I want you to read so you can laugh. You like laughing, don't you? In this recent entry I want you to note the bit about the Perry-Romney bet. Better to laugh than to cry. Right? Right?!

If you lived in DC and took the metro you had a chance to hear a world famous violinist play for free. Most people didn't think it was all that or a bag of chips. Or maybe they just didn't notice. On the flip side a pay-what-you-can restaurant in NYC opened as a one month experiment and is doing well enough to continue. So, I don't know how people operate.

Former TV star and recovering anorexic Tracy Gold is apparently hosting a reality show called Starving Secrets. Blogher ran a post asking whether readers thought the show was helping or hurting the participants and eating disordered viewers. I think the same question might be posed for any of the reality shows from HGTV to NBC and everywhere in between. What do you think?

I don't know if you caught this but this week the FDA approved emergency contraceptive Plan B for sale without a prescription. In an unprecedented move HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius overruled the FDA scientists so it will not be available without prescription. Both Sebelius announcement of the decision and President Obama's endorsement of it took a paternalistic approach using a mythical 11-year-old consumer as the basis for the decision. On the plus side 14 senators, including my own state's Kirsten Gillibrand, are demanding that Sebelius explain what medical and scientific evidence she is using for this decision. Good on all 14 of them and anyone else using one set of rules for all genders.

And on that same topic from my newest blog crush, Lindsay, please read this concise rundown of what the ruling seems to be telling us. It's along the lines of "we'll support you in keeping that baby right up until the time you birth it" but it's even more pointed.

Also from Lindsay are a couple of short paragraphs from a ceremony presided over by Rick Perry where he handed down the first posthumous pardon of a death penalty inmate. I'm sure that inmate is grateful, wherever the afterlife took him.*

Brokelyn is doing a gift guide for things under $25. Did you know they make a kit for ice cube Titanics and icebergs? Now you do!

Another reason I have trouble psyching myself up for the nightlife and dating scene is that people are insane and I tend to attract them. I feel fortunate that I wasn't the one who told this guy to please leave me alone. Usually I don't say please. I can only imagine how he would have reacted to that.

On a disturbingly similar note it seems that Michele Bachmann's daughters aren't allowed to ask boys out. They can go out with them, they just can't do the asking. But she wants to break a big old stereotype and be president of the United States.

Whew! I had to scroll a looooong way down to come to an entry that would allow us to end on an upbeat note. Check out these beautifully stylish yet practical canes. Eventually we're all going to need one, if only for a short time, it'd be nice to get one that made us feel good about using it. I have toted plenty of necessary but unnecessarily ugly canes for friends and loved ones. It's good to know there's an alternative now.

*Oh my god the death penalty system does not fucking work you godforsaken MORONS!

Don't Stop (Stop!)

2011-12-15T10:15:00.000-05:00

I feel about the same, which is to say that if I could sleep from now until 2012 I wouldn't be upset about that.

The concert last night was great. I thought it was at 6:30 and I was 15 minutes early. It was at 6. Whoops! But I got there in time for the holiday medley and saw enough to catch the theme of the show, Believe. When they sang Journey's Don't Stop Believing (oh yes they did) I wept. She's only 10 and she looks like she's 10 feet tall and she'll be in middle school next year and I can't fathom that. So I spent the evening telling her stories about what she was like when she was a baby.

At least it made one of us feel better.

Asleep

2011-12-14T16:14:00.000-05:00

Where have I been? Asleep mostly. I've been sick. Not deathly ill, not even completely miserable every minute of the day, but miserable enough that doing things, things like walking, drinking, and speaking have been tiresome at best. If you have spoken to me in the last week I'm sure you've noticed. I live tweeted the annual shareholders meeting for my co-op that I felt compelled to attend on Monday night. My enthusiasm for the democratic process was clearly at a low ebb.

I am at work today for the first time this week. I've been here all day and I plan to go to Alita's holiday concert this evening. I will not, for the good of the collective, be going out for our usual diner celebration afterwards. I dread telling the guest of honor but hope she'll understand the circumstances and be distracted by the fact that I managed to have her Christmas presents bought and wrapped.

Given that I've been sick and not done much other than sip tea and burn parts of my body with it (Lip, tongue, stomach. Yes, stomach.) I don't have much to say. Mostly just wanted to tell you where I was and that I hope you're not sick. If you are sick I hope you have Showtime on demand. Their half hour dramadies are the perfect distraction between naps.

Things You Say

2011-12-11T19:11:00.000-05:00

There's a saying, perhaps you've heard it, "I feel like hammered shit." Sometimes it's an exaggeration used for comic effect.

Sometimes it's not.

*You're right I can't say this definitively. I have not actually hammered shit and interviewed it about it pwecious widdle feewings.

Quit Saying That!

2011-12-10T11:02:00.000-05:00

"I got a Jack Russell."

"Wow. They need a lot of exercise. And they're smart. That's a lot of work."

"But he's so cute!"

If I could possibly prevent this conversation, and ones like it, from ever happening I would. I would write a book and have the audio version (narrated by Morgan Freeman, natch) would play in every public area where dogs and potential dog people abound. The first line of that book would be, "The dog that leapt out of that car was everything I'd sworn I'd never have in a dog; a small, smart terrier. My life would never be the same."

I know that I bust on my dog a lot in this space but that's honestly because there's so much more comedy in failure. He is, by and large, a fabulous dog. I credit that with luck, hard work, and more luck.

Dogs are hard work. Even the coolest, most chill dog on earth requires feeding and walking and vetting and walking and loving and walking and attention. And walking. Most dogs are not the very best of everything. Do you think I'd get up at 6am on weekdays and go directly into the cold, hot, wet, dry, dark, bright, muggy, buggy, crowded, deserted, whatever park if I didn't have a really good reason? Do you think I'd endure the love, hate, indifference, disdain, curiosity, whatever of everyone I pass by on the street if it wasn't worth it? I wouldn't. I really wouldn't. Hell, even now I'd try to get away without it. Guess what, though? My dog needs that time in the park. He needs to meet people and dogs and encounter new situations. So we go out there and we interact and we train every single day. Some people think I do more of that than I strictly need to and they might be right but, for now, I'm going to stick to what works. If I'd had the choice, sure, I'd have gotten a big, lazy dog who loved every sentient being it met. Preferably a dog who also liked to carry my bag, never shed, and hated both rain and cold.

No, I don't know what kind of dog that is, either.

I know we've got a lot of pets out there who need homes but if I'm going to dream I'd like to dream big. I'd love it if everyone who got a pet understood what was going to be involved. 'Cause a Jack Russell needs a shitton of exercise for both mind and body. I only have part of one and he kicks my ass on a regular basis. Thank goodness another part of him is a lazy-ass pug.

*The dogs pictured above are inveterate cat chasers. Alone in their own homes they have moderated their behavior. When together they team hunt the cats and are punished severely. Both families are working hard to curb the behavior. It may take years but we're going to keep trying.

I Love You Too

2011-12-09T19:07:00.000-05:00

This morning I met a woman walking in the park without a dog. She liked Eddie so she struck up a conversation with me. She was, essentially, shopping for the dog she would get for herself when she retired. Just before we parted she told me about a show she'd seen on Animal Planet that said that when a dog lies down with you and lays its head on your chest, over your heart, it means, "I love you."

I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd figured that out on my own. She'll understand soon enough.

Doing. Jobs.

2011-12-08T15:26:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, the year I turned 30 I worked out of Saginaw, MI as a traveling player, basically. Me and two people I'd never met before driving around the midwest in a van, singing ditties for schoolchildren with varying levels of give a shit (both ours and the children's). Then we would drive back "home" to Saginaw to live with 5 or 6 or 11 other vans full of other people who hadn't known each other until they showed up on Eddy Street with less than a dollar but more than a dream. We had a saying back then.

"Just do your job."

Generally this was muttered under the breath with some level of ire. We loved each other but we didn't always like each other very much. You try living in a van with someone for 9 months and tell me how that goes for you. As you got rubbed increasingly the wrong way eventually you wished for a moment of silence, a moment away, a moment not to have to negotiate the eggshell politics of half-chosen family. At that point all you wanted to do was have every single person just do their job so you could do your job and we could all shut up about it.

It seems I reached that point in the holiday season at about 4pm yesterday. I am coming down with some sort of light bug and I scheduled myself into a bunch of little things I wouldn't normally do. I thought it would be wise to take a different approach to the season. It seemed as though having plenty to do, especially things where I was expected to be merry and bright, would carry me forward on a wave of holiday jollity that would last right into the new year.

I blame the failure of this plan on the aforementioned bug. Fucking bugs. Except they are just doing their jobs.

Photo Challenge: KICK OFF

2011-12-07T07:17:00.000-05:00

Here we are BANG on time with photo challenge results. Whew! I am glad to be back on track. Thank you for your patience.

You know the drill. View. Love. Comment. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Also Scroll Down for the next prompt.

I love the contrast of stillness and motion in this shot by lshykula. Her son has really planted himself the better to KICK OFF (dammit).

I cannot get enough of this puppy. I believe that if fondofsnape could have captured dog language in this she'd have heard "Ready to kick off a new adventure, lady, so ready. Ready ready ready. Just get me out of here and I'm ready!"

I also believe that with these boots Elephant Soap can kick off anything she wants to, anything at all, in high style.

If I was putting even half as much energy into kicking off the holidays as these ladies are putting into kicking off mile 9 of their marathon I would be much closer to the finish line.

New prompt is JINGLE. Putting (dammit!) after it is optional. I know you love options.

Please add your photos to our Flickr photo pool by 9am on Tuesday December 20th for posting on Wednesday December 21st . Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks again for loving this feature.

Putting the Shit in Shitheads

2011-12-06T19:52:00.000-05:00

Dear Punk Ass Shitheads,

First off I want to make sure that you know this is not an apology letter. I'm not at all sorry that when you stole the package from the hall in front of my door you were disappointed to find the replacement part for my dishwasher instead of an iPhone or a tablet computer or $500 in cash or whatever you thought the universe would reward your lazy dickheaded ways with.

I want to be doubly sure that you know this isn't a thank you letter. Sure, the part seems to be intact and was left in an open area, ripe for discovery but I'm not going to thank you for that. I'm not a dishwasher expert. I don't know if the part is damaged now or if you took out any fasteners or dropped a connector or anything else vital to getting my dishes washed without having to mop my floor at the same time...for an hour. Even if you'd taped it back up and hand delivered it to me I wouldn't be thanking you. I know you don't care but I feel it bears repeating; you were wrong. Wrong sucks.

Lastly I think it's fair to point some things out. You remember a couple of years ago when you stole the package from in front of the first floor apartment and it turned out to be handmade books of that woman's poetry and photography that you also didn't find interesting? I found that, too. It was in exactly the same place as my dishwasher part. I returned it to her and I don't care that she thought I was the lying, scumbag thief. We all knew she wasn't staying long. I, however, plan to stay until they drag my cold, dead, 105-year-old body from the apartment. Eventually I'll be the one who sees you scooping up a package or abandoning one and when I do I'll have my iPhone at the ready (getting it in January, having it delivered to work, don't hold your fetid breath [now go look up fetid, surely you've stolen something with internet access]) and I'll take your picture with its superhero of a camera and I will post that fucker everywhere. I will send it to the listserv, I'll post it on this blog, I'll tweet it and Facebook it, I'll print copies for every floor in every building, I'll put it on coffee mugs to gift to the security guards, I might even invest in a sandwich board and wear it while I walk my dog in the neighborhood.

Go ahead, laugh, it's funny as long as you think I'm not really going to do it.

Sincerely*,
The Angry Weird Chick on The 2nd Floor

P.S. You don't know me.

*You ought to look that one up, too. Let the proper definition sink in.

10 Things Round The Internet

2011-12-06T11:16:00.000-05:00

1. This article from Sara explains why I want to kick a lot of dog owners in their pink parts. Why can people not read body language, have common sense, and/or know it's not all about them?

2. TA sent me this link to the top 25 funniest autocorrects from Damn You, Autocorrect's first year. I really did burst out laughing uncontrollably with some of them. Dear Phone, You don't know me!

3. Have you bought your caramel for Christmas yet? You won't regret it!

4. The woman who started funny blog, Regretsy, tried to make sure that some families had a happy holiday season and Paypal smacked her down for it. I'm baffled by the whole exchange. If someone can figure out how to get Paypal to both fix this travesty of justice and explain themselves I would be one of many who would be grateful.

5. MasterCard tweeted to me to send a note to their fraud department about that call I got. Sent it last night. I'll let you know if anything comes of it.

6. Via Neil Gaiman, a NC county tried to adopt breed legislation against pits, neopolitans, chows, rotties, etc. They were, thankfully, roundly faced down. I read this catch phrase the other day and expect to use if often, "Blame the deed, not the breed."

7. Chili posted this and I saw it around Facebook. People of all ages, health conditions, sexual orientations, and nationalities might do well to check out this example. In sickness and in health y'all.

8. This was making its way around Tumblr. It's a short article about what was possibly our country's first interracial gang. It's kind of interesting in general and very interesting in light of this season of Sons of Anarchy.

9. I don't want anything for Christmas. Except that I really, really, REALLY want a rubber stamp of my dog's head. Time to deposit those 2 jars of coins I've got at home!

10. I had successfully avoided any exposure at all to Angry Birds until Sunday's fateful trip to Santaland. The child has hooked me and you may not see me again, maybe ever. It's going to take me a long time. As the girl was all too happy to point out, I'm not very good at this.

*Speaking of Bully Breeds, the photo is of Buce and a gentleman he threatened to adopt in the absence of his boy, who was on assignment in Costa Rica.

Call Him Reckless

2011-12-05T18:27:00.000-05:00

I worked from home today so I got to go out for a walk with the dog in the afternoon. My timing was a little off so we hit the bricks just as school was letting out. We ran into a lot of loud, unpredictable teens who were twisting off a little after being cooped up for hours. The last group we ran into was the calmest of them all. They were talking but in an organized, plain conversation. The weren't walking fast but they sort of enveloped us as they came up on the curb. One of them must have looked at Eddie because as soon as they got close he opened up his full freak out. As I said, these guys were fully chill, one or two of them maybe twitched a little but no one sped up or wigged out. They did laugh and talk about him. Out of the chatter came, "He reckless."

"He reckless."

I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone say anything about my dog I've loved more. That is exactly what he is. It explains almost every single thing about him.

That's my dog, he reckless.

The photo was taken by Lilybainne during my post-Thanksgiving party. He'd had enough of being polite for company and needed a break.

Asked and Answered!

2011-12-03T19:58:00.000-05:00

I felt as though the information I got today was worth its own post. Please excuse any inconsistencies or typos. As I write this a cat is alternating between walking around on the keyboard and blowing her stank breath up my nose. I may pass out.

Anyway, turns out this whole bank putting a security hold on your card thing is a relatively well known scam! According to a reliable source (my father) people were doing this with phone numbers in Eastern Massachusetts for a while. One night around 11pm they dialed a number that turned out to belong to a State Police officer who was just getting off shift. He followed the prompts to some extent while getting technical support from his department and managed to trace the perpetrators and shut them down.

Unsurprisingly they, or people like them, have moved on to other states. Of course the way to avoid being taken in is not to respond in any way to the call but, from the comments I got on yesterday's post, you guys are plenty savvy about this sort of thing. I'm a little perturbed that I wasn't able to find an alert about this on Snopes and that the fraud department for HSBC claimed never to have heard of it. Of course perhaps I didn't search Snopes well and it's possible that news of this scam hasn't had time to reach India yet.

I like the image of a state trooper getting out his can of cyber whup ass. Wish I had his phone number.

Many Hands Light

2011-12-02T21:05:00.000-05:00

Something weird happened tonight and I don't think there's any more I can or should do but maybe there is. Do you know?

The irrelevant part is that I was downstairs in the laundry room switching my clothes from the washer to the dryer. Now you can start paying attention again.

My phone rang with a Private Number designation. It was a robocall saying that my HSBC MasterCard was being suspended for security reasons and I could press one to stop that action. I do not have nor have I ever even applied for either a MasterCard or a credit card from HSBC. I didn't press anything and there didn't seem to be other options so I hung up. When I was finished with my chore I got the customer service number and called HSBC to spin them my pretty little yarn and ask who had my phone number on a credit card. One guy said he'd look up my account by phone number and put me on hold. It was a silent hold and about 10 minutes long then there were a couple of beeps and some hold music and the fraud department picked up. That lady asked for my social security number which I declined to provide. I asked if she could look me up by phone number. She could and did in short order and didn't come up with any account using my number nor did she have any idea what sort of scam might approach me this way. Frankly, I think she was a little put out that I asked.

I checked my bank account and there's nothing untoward happening there. Seems like it was a scam I didn't fall prey to. Oh, maybe I should check Snopes. Wait here.

Don't see anything there. So, any reason to worry here? And even if there is can you think of anything I should do? Can I just pretend this was a transcription error on someone's part and be done with it?

You know what I want to hear.

Future Tense

2011-12-01T14:01:00.000-05:00

As a personal assistant you tend to live in the future. You think a little about what's going on today but you have to be focused on the dinner tomorrow, the meeting next week, how soon the car needs to be inspected. While most people are dealing with this week and next there comes a time when the assistant quits dealing with the month she's in. It's full. Time to move on to the next one, or perhaps the one after that. The assistant will put the correct year on checks long before you do because she's been wading around in the shallow end of that year for at least a month before it arrives.

Today I've been working on my own calendar and it's starting to freak me out. Chances to do things in December are dwindling. My most planning averse friend asked what my travel schedule was going to be like. I'm suddenly planning both a Santaland visit this Sunday (9am!) and whether or not I'll buy a couple of appliances in tax free NH before I come back to NYC on the 26th. The calendar is nearly covered in green blocks.

I'm frightened.

How far in advance are you planning right now?

NaBloStella

2011-11-30T20:14:00.000-05:00

I want to note that, as of this morning's post, I successfully completed another NaBloPoMo. It being November 30 you probably figured that out on your own. But I wanted to mark it and I wanted an excuse to show you these two shots of one of my new park friends, Stella. This particular trick is called, "Be A Bear."

The Electronic Age

2011-11-30T16:23:00.000-05:00

One of the cool yet funny things about the electronic age is that, if you have a long enough party, you might get thank you notes before the party has even concluded. I got two before the end of last Friday's festivities. I couldn't have been more surprised!

In one of those notes it was relayed that I'd gotten an enormous compliment from one of my young friends. On the trip home he insisted that I must me a mom. When confronted with the truth he responded that I was "just like a mom." Whether this is because we had a nice talk after something a little shocking happened or because I rationed his orange juice due to a cup that was too "tippy" in my estimation we may never know.

What we do know, though, is that's about the nicest thing anybody's said about me all week. Thanks, dude, I like you, too.

Yesterday Not So Far Away

2011-11-30T10:23:00.000-05:00

In my quest to learn new stuff I finally got the Diptic app for my iPad (Thanks for the rec, Cindy!) and have been playing with it. Don't know if I'm doing it wrong or my photos just suck but it's not so clear. I was motivated, though, by the number of you who didn't know the "You must pay the rent" spiel.

Please follow along with this simple tutorial:

First, you fold a piece of paper back and forth until you have an accordion kind of a deal and pinch it in the middle.

Second, you hold it under your nose (top) and say in your most sinister, melodramatic villain voice, "You must pay the rent!"

Third, you hold the accordion bow to the side of your head like a hair decoration (middle) and say in your highest, most hilarious, melodramatic girly voice, "I can't pay the rent!"

Fourth, you repeat steps Two and Three until it is no longer funny to you. This may take some time.

Fifth, you hold the bow to your neck like a tie (bottom) and do your best Dudley Do-Right impression to say, "I'll pay the rent!"

Sixth, you go back to the middle photo and the girly voice for, "My hero!"

Seventh & last, you go right back to the top photo and the villainous voice for, "Curses, foiled again."

Ridiculous, of course, but a huge hit with certain audiences. I urge you to try it out at parties.

Tell Him About It

2011-11-29T19:42:00.000-05:00

The past couple of days I've been struggling with some minor disappointments. I've had to make some recalibrations, if you will. It's common and painful for someone like me who does things like agonize over where her furniture should go because she's never going to move it again. Period.

You know how I soothe the savage beast when I'm doing such things? I think of the happy shiny people who stand firm like good furniture. They move out of the way easily when you have to vacuum but they always slide right back into place where you need them to cover that stain on your soul...I mean, carpet. Which is all a nice way of saying I've been looking at photos of a lot of you lately.

You're pretty.

See that guy in the photo up there? The one who is in focus? It's his birthday today. If you want to make him happy you could listen to some of his music. If you want to make him ecstatic you could even buy some.

10 Not 20

2011-11-29T14:39:00.000-05:00

Questions. Why not?

1. If you could add an 8th deadly sin what would it be? I think I choose obliviousness. It needs to be punishable by death.

2. How cool is my new computer at work? (I'll give you a hint: SUPER COOL!)

3. If someone has ever asked to marry you what was your answer and why? (Show your work.)

4. What is your favorite holiday meal item? Though I wouldn't point to it as my fave I did make sure I had enough ingredients to make another green bean casserole after the party because I knew I would want more.

5. If I told you I was eating cranberries and turning into Magenta Beauregard would you get the joke?

6. Have you already finished your holiday shopping?

7. What book(s) are you reading? I'm in the middle of the 2nd Game of Thrones but I also just got the heads up from the library to come pick up David Sedaris's Me Talk Pretty One Day.

8. Do kids these days still play that "You must pay the rent!" "I can't pay the rent" game?

9. What's one thing you wish for Christmakwanzafestikah this year? (It doesn't pay to be sappy here.)

10. Do you have any questions?

Photo Challenge: PICK ONE

2011-11-28T11:47:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for excusing my tardiness. Here, at long last, are the results for the PICK ONE photo challenge. As ever, please scroll down for the new prompt, click through to see the many other choices on our Flickr Pool, and give tons of love to our photogs.

If you have ever had the privilege of meeting herm007's boys you'll be instantly struck by how exactly this photo represents them. If you haven't met them, well, here you go!

Leave it to ChromePlatedGirl to go for the thinker/groaner of a joke. I love those jokes. PICK ONE, get it? GET IT?

I brag a lot about what awesome spectators the NYC Marathon has but check out lshykula's personal cheering section in CO. Doesn't get any better than that.

This young gentleman makes frequent appearances in fondofsnape's photostream and he's always good for a laugh. After the downer that was giving this prompt I couldn't help but cheer up the moment I saw him. Long live the belly laugh!

Is there a braver photographer in our midst than Elephant Soap? I don't think so. She tagged it as SHAME but I don't see it that way at all, there is no shame in this. Brilliant!

Some might think that the annual tradition I participate in of marching with Alita in the Coney Island Mermaid Parade is inappropriate for a kid of her age. I hope they can look at this shot and understand that this is a representation of a completely appropriate relationship between an adult and a child not her own. Weird, sure, but completely on the level.

I am finally unable to hide from the fact that the Christmakwanzafestikah holiday is upon us. Therefore I choose KICK OFF for our next prompt. You can let it be in conjunction with the holiday or not, it's up to you.

Please submit your entries to our Flickr Pool by 9am on Tuesday December 6 (NEXT TUESDAY!) for posting on Wednesday December 7 (NEXT WEDNESDAY, also Pearl Harbor Day). Any questions just toss them out at me and I'll do my best to help.

Phoning It In

2011-11-27T22:02:00.001-05:00

There's a trend in theatre called "post-show letdown." It exists everywhere, though, in any kind of project work. Whatever you want to call it I have it. I've had company since Tuesday, a big party on Friday, Thanksgiving leftovers still to be nibbled. Tomorrow it's back to the grind. In preparation I have done dishes, packed lunch, laid out clothes, and napped. There was a lot of napping. I got home from the park around 10am, must have fallen asleep about 11, and didn't get up again until almost 2. I just don't have the gumption and I do have the dread of the Christmas season since Thanksgiving is over so Christmas can no longer be ignored. Tomorrow I trust I will be back in the game. For now, though, I have to eat this last piece of pie because there's no room for it in the fridge.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Before The Month Is Over

2011-11-26T22:11:00.000-05:00

You know how when you're a kid and your mom prompts you to thank someone and it sucks all the meaning out of the gesture? My mom will still occasionally do that to me if she doesn't think I'm thanking fast enough and it's all I can do not to refuse just so I can wait until enough time has passed that the thanks is actually coming from me even if it is late.

For the last 26 days the internet has been full of thanks for this and thanks for that and thanks be to all and every one. It's a great thing and I don't disagree with it at all, let's be clear on that. However, I haven't been able to write about being thankful at all because everyone is doing it and what am I? A lemming? No I am not.

Ask me if I'm petty and childish, you might get a different answer.

Seems as though today, two days after Thanksgiving, I can probably eke out a few thanks be to whoevers. Actually, I don't see how I can avoid it.

I've been thinking a lot today about how lucky I've been with friends. Pretty much all my life I've had friends who will do anything for me. Clean the bathroom? Sure! Invent a way to keep my kitchen sinkn from leaking at 10pm on Thanksgiving after cooking all day? Try and stop her. Diagnose the sink and the dishwasher during a party and schedule a time to fix it properly? Why wouldn't he? Grab shoes, paper towels, dustpan, garbage bag, and clean the entire living room floor the second that cocktail glass hit the ground? Everybody raise their hands!

They're little things and they're only a smattering of what I've been treated to but I think they're indicative of my general great good fortune. I try to be a good friend but, let's face it, my talents are limited and not always what's required. Also, often I'm unable to use my inside voice. Whereas, 9 times out of 10 when I find I'm in need of help there's someone in my life who not only can fix it but they are more than willing to do so. It's easy to forget not only how rare that is but how wonderful.

Thanks everyone. Thank you today and every other day. If there's something I can do for you please let me know.

Vodka, Cherries, Happy Feet

2011-11-25T22:53:00.000-05:00

To say that I don't throw parties often would be a gigantic understatement. When I do, though, I've gotten in the habit of picking a date and throwing them annually. Today was one of those and man, this was a rip snorter of a year! I think we had 17 people in the house at one time and if you've seen my apartment you know that's a lot of excitement. I hope I got to talk to everyone enough but I can't say for certain. I'll do better next time.

What I can say for certain is that I had a whole apartment full of fun. I wandered into a ton of fantastic conversations, I got to cook for people, I finally opened up that copy of Happy Feet for an appreciative audience.

Now I'm afraid I must sleep because Cat brought her patented vodka steeped cherries and I might have had juuuuuuust a few too many.

And I'm not sorry, not even a little bit.

Which Of These?

2011-11-24T15:13:00.000-05:00

Question: Which of these two men did Queen Bee & I see live and in person this morning?

Answer: Both!

Supplemental information: Only on of them was riding a float.

Huge Apology!

2011-11-23T23:06:00.000-05:00

Holy Moly you guys, I just realized I forgot to post the results of the PICK ONE photo challenge! Once the pipe burst I kind of lost my train of thought. So sorry. SO sorry.

Also, I hear dripping again, I have to fix that before I go to bed.

I will post the challenge ASAP but not tonight.

My deepest apologies.

Holiday Prep Turned Sideways

2011-11-23T16:52:00.000-05:00

You want to know what's cool? Having someone clean while you cook, that's what. Sign of a good friend, y'all.

We would be so far ahead of the game if the pipe under the kitchen sink hadn't started leaking badly all over everything. It's not going to stop us but it might just slow us down. Have to rewash everything that was stored under there but have to watch the drip bucket while we do it!

Could be much, much worse.

How's your holiday prep going? Are you in traffic? Covered in flour? Already sipping your cocktail? Inquiring minds want to know.

Challenging Conversations

2011-11-22T17:43:00.000-05:00

I don't think I mentioned here that I put up a conversation post at Kizz & Tell on Sunday. It's about body image but good body image and apparently it's a tough question for some to answer. One brave soul has chimed in and I'd love for her to have company. If you're so inclined please tell us what you think.

10 Things For Today

2011-11-22T15:33:00.000-05:00

What's that line from Rent? No day but today! Yupper.

1. The woman in this picture? She's on the bus on her way toward me.

2. It's fucking pouring rain right now. Her bus probably won't be delayed but the timing is delicate. There aren't a lot of places to hang around inside near the drop off. I fear one of us will get very wet. But we're just headed home after and we're not soluble.

3. I am neck deep in updating addresses. Taking a short break for this list and to stop my eyes from crossing. These are not my addresses. They're someone else's for someone else's holiday cards.

4. My holiday cards are designed (thank you JRH!), ordered, and winging their way toward me.

5. My address list is woefully out of date. I have much work to do.

6. My house is pretty clean for being 3 days before a party. I think someone has to come visit me on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving every year. Hell, you don't have to actually come you just have to say you're coming and make me believe it until about noon on that Tuesday.

7. As I mentioned to Chili this morning my motto for the year's present-giving is "Heifer & Homemade". It was a saying of Mrs. X's and we grew to love it. Heifer can stand specifically for Heifer International or it can be a pleasingly alliterative stand-in for any charitable donation. I suspect this year it will be both.

8. I mention #7 only to say that I had the help of a couple of web sites in turning some things of my own into gifts and a bunch of that stuff arrived yesterday. A big bunch. When you put it all in one place, well, wow I made a lot of stuff! (Not clutter, though, useful stuff.)

9. Even if my eyes weren't crossing I don't think I'm going to get all these addresses fixed today. I'm going to try, though.

10. Tomorrow? We bake!

As Good As It's Gonna Get

2011-11-21T15:14:00.000-05:00

As predicted I received a response from Ms. James's office less than four hours after I sent my email. I appreciate the truthful, sympathetic response even though the destruction still makes me seethe.

Hello Ms. [Real Last Name],

Thank you so much for reaching out to Council Member Letitia James. Many of the events that took place during and after the evacuation proceedings are indeed regrettable. Unfortunately, many of the items confiscated were in fact destroyed. I do suggest that your friend and her acquaintances contact 1 Police Plaza or the Downtown Police Precinct to see if they are still holding on to their belongings.

On behalf of Council Member James, please extend her heartfelt apologies for the loss of their instruments and any other personal items. I do hope she can retrieve them.

Best,

SCH

-- --
Simone Hawkins
Budget Director
Education Policy Analyst
NYC Council Member Letitia James

It took me a couple of hours to find a way to respond. I wanted them to know that, while I appreciated that it wasn't their choice, I am still appalled and want the whole world to know it. This is what I finally came up with:

Dear Ms. Hawkins,

Thank you so much for a response that was both prompt and sympathetic.

As I said before I'm deeply disturbed by the unnecessary destruction of property during the eviction. I cannot stop considering what good those instruments could have done even if they'd been sold at police auction or used in our school system. While I trust your office to pass on my feelings if there is a better way for me to communicate my displeasure to the people who organized the eviction and allowed this shameful waste to occur please let me know what that way is.

Best,
[My Real Name]

No Music Here

2011-11-21T10:29:00.000-05:00

I have been in conversation with a friend over the weekend. It prompted me to write this note to my City Council Member this morning. I hope to hear from her soon, she's extremely responsive in my experience, and I'll let you know what I find out.

Dear Ms. James,

I live in your district and am coming to you because you've always been so responsive to our community. I don't know where else I might find an answer to my question.

I have a friend who is a minister in Vermont. A few of his parishioners have been here in New York protesting with Occupy Wall Street and were there during the evacuation proceedings. One young lady went over to retrieve her confiscated belongings and was told that her banjo had been destroyed along with all the other confiscated musical instruments.

As a musician and a teacher I find this deeply disturbing on a number of levels. Part of me hopes that whoever the young lady spoke to was having a bad day, didn't want to go through the hassle of helping this woman, and told her something to ensure that she wouldn't return. Another part of me knows that this very well could have been a decision by the authorities or the boots on the ground at the evacuation. I'm just hoping and guessing, though, and I need to know the truth. Ideally this young woman and her companions would be reunited with their instruments or assisted in the replacement of them. Whether or not either of those things is possible knowing the reasoning behind the destruction would help me decide how to proceed on their behalf.

Thank you for all you do and for any help you can give me in getting to the bottom of this.

[My Full Given Name]

Creeping Forward

2011-11-20T20:09:00.000-05:00

A while ago (a long while) blogger made it possible for us to have up to 20 other pages on our blog. I made my first one tonight! I've been wanting to have a stand alone place to keep my Life List and I finally have it. You should see two tabs below the header now, one says Home and one says In My Life. If you don't, refresh the screen and they should show up. They did for me. Stay tuned in the coming months (years?) for an About Me page and who knows what else!

If you've got time to check out the newly updated list I'd be grateful!

P.S. Hurray for NaBloPoMo for inspiring me to keep developing my blog!

Deserving

2011-11-20T16:11:00.000-05:00

My Great Grandmother was a fantastic gardener. Good thing, too, since she traveled across the US in a covered wagon and lived in a sod hut and practically gave birth in a buggy on Christmas Eve. She had wonderful garden on a couple of levels behind the home I knew as hers. Parts of it were covered in succulents she called Hens & Chickens.

I am a terrible gardener. I can kill anything. Well, me and my cactus-consuming cat. I have scaled my growing dreams down from flowering pretties. All I want at this point is to grow some Hens & Chickens. So far I've killed 5. The last one I burned to death by watering it in the shower. Apparently I take showers so hot they broil plants.

So I saw a pair of these decorative chairs today and I fell in love but I know they don't deserve to be punished like that.

Or Should I Say IF

2011-11-19T18:53:00.000-05:00

I'm so bad when my schedule gets thrown off. Today's schedule was pushed back because the dog had to be bathed. Why? I'm sure you ask, since I'm not exactly a fastidious dog washer. Well, my dog likes to hump pugs and this morning he went to town on Winston, one of his favorites. Unfortunately Winston's ass was smeared in poo. So my dog's entire undercarriage needed a swabbing.

Blick.

While I was gathering the necessary items to torture/bathe my dog/tormenter my mom called and told me, among other things, this story:

She, one of the developmentally disabled adults she helps, and her best friend, SoDivine, have been enjoying going to church suppers together. It's only $8-10 for a full dinner and, at the right churches, all the pie you can eat. Well, apparently they went to one a little while ago and the pies weren't homemade they were store bought. (Scandal!) There's one on the schedule for this week but SoDivine said she wasn't going to go if there weren't going to be homemade pies. Store bought ones just weren't worth it. So my mom called up the minister and asked if the pies would be bought or hand made.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. You might think I'm laughing at my mom or at SoDivine but I assure you I'm not. I'm laughing at myself. No, really, because when I grow up I'm going to be that woman. If there's a church supper we're thinking of going to and you say you won't go because last time there were store bought pies and that's not worth it, I'm totally going to call the minister and find out. I don't care where the pies come from, I prefer the homemade but, frankly, if someone else is making dinner and cleaning up my give a shit about the origins of the meal goes way, way down. I'll call the minister and find out what kind of pies there are going to be, though, just so you'll be quiet and keep me company.

In case you're wondering the minister promised high quality pie so they're going.

Quick Question

2011-11-18T10:41:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who reflexively says, "Excuse me" when I burp, even when there's no one around to say it to?

Watch And Learn

2011-11-17T17:19:00.000-05:00

Today has been sort of a clusterfuck protest-wise. No, that's not true, it's been a clusterfuck in terms of quelling protest which, to me, is pretty cool. What's not cool is that it's been tense and a little violent and chaotic.

It's no surprise to me that the act of restricting access to the home base of the camp has inspired larger protests at more locations. It's also no surprise that there's more anger among the participants. Having had personal and community property destroyed, confiscated, and mistreated the game now has a new set of disrespectful rules for both sides. I would love to know if this is all a big well-how-did-that-happen to city officials or if they just don't care. What anyone knew or suspected or prepared for doesn't matter now, though. The snowball has started down the hill and it's going to be bigger before it reaches the bottom. How much bigger we'll just have to wait to see. I thought today would be a good day to speak up about why I think this movement is valuable.

It's long been known in peaceful protest that one of the most valuable tools is observation. Sometimes a protestor can't physically or legally intervene when they see something objectionable happening. The act of standing and watching it proceed, though, can be quite powerful because it makes it difficult for the perpetrators to deny or put a spin on their actions. When I think of this type of protest I always think of a picture I saw of a Aryeh Neier in, I think, Washington Square Park watching protestors being beaten by police. He's wearing a tweed jacket and and dress shoes and standing just outside the barricade but leaning toward the confrontation and watching it intently. You can tell just by looking that he's going to remember every detail and pass the message on.

I don't know that anybody who decided to carry a sign or march downtown or pitch a tent in a park thought that their signs, feet, or tents were going to make political and financial titans quaver and submit. If they did I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be the types to have the fortitude to continue to camp and speak and drum and march for two straight months. They have, though. They have occupied one really tiny corner of New York City and continued to catch the eyes and hearts of people across the world. They sit under the construction of the new world trade center and barely a block away from the Ground Zero visitor's center. They can't throw a stone and hit the stock exchange but they could run a zip line from the top of it right down to their drum circle without too much trouble.

As you know, I've been down to Zuccotti Park and I've walked through the Boston camp. They don't smell, they aren't dirty, and when I've been there they haven't been especially loud. Louder than your average afternoon in a largely business-oriented neighborhood but not loud enough that I could hear them for blocks before I arrived. Or even a block. I think some of the local business owners probably do have legitimate beefs with disrespectful factions of protestors. Their shops are in an area where they don't get a lot of non-suit business. Some tourist business maybe but not a lot of middle to lower-middle class folks and hardly any people who are trying to pinch a penny. With a group as diverse as the OWS campers you can't escape having some assholes and part of the burden of those assholes has been shouldered by local merchants. Residents who complain about crowding and sanitation and noise I have less belief in. The park doesn't smell any different than the rest of New York and it isn't any dirtier than the rest of the city. There is as much crowding or more from the Ground Zero "attractions" as there is for OWS. The traffic patterns created by the NYPD to contain the camp and regulate campers are much more disruptive than just having the camp there. Once regulations were made to restrict drum circle hours what exactly are the legitimate complaints? What inspired city officials and the land owners to suddenly employ shady tactics to clear out the park and implement new rules?

I think they, and others like them, were uncomfortable being watched. I think the clearing of Zuccotti Park and the other encampments across the country happened because the protests are working on a somewhat subtle level. People in the banking and finance industries see these protestors every day either in person or in the media. They don't agree with them, I'm sure, but they can't get away from the watchful eyes. So frankly I'm OK with the fact that the movement doesn't have one targeted message or leader. I'm going to consider it a small contribution to the movement to navigate the city-wide disruptions that are bound to occur now that the camp has been dispersed because I think we're seeing that the mere act of observing is making some of the 1% pay attention to their own actions. I don't know how far that will take us but I think it's an important step.

Missing Point

2011-11-17T10:34:00.000-05:00

The other day I was telling some folks about the photos I'd taken of the Occupy Wall Street and Occupy Boston camps. I said, "If money were no object I'd hop into a car and go around the country taking pictures at all the camps."

The table was quiet for a moment but in a contemplative way.

Finally someone got brave. "Kizz, isn't that kind of the point?"

Whoops. Yeah, the point is that money is an object and it's being mishandled so people are taking the time to protest. Guess I couldn't see the forest for the trees.

There are a lot of marches and protests planned in the city today, the 2 monthiversary of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Stay tuned to all your new outlets for more information.

Finito!

2011-11-16T22:45:00.000-05:00

I finished my 2011 NYC Marathon set on Flickr if you want to see some cool running...so to speak.

Hold On To Your Hats!

2011-11-16T19:10:00.000-05:00

Are you sitting down? I posted over at Kizz & Tell. I know. I'm as surprised as you are. Man, I miss being over there. Have to make it a priority.

As always, if you're squicked by thinking about me and sex in close proximity you should pretend your browser blocks the site.

Who Cares What Day It Is?

2011-11-16T11:48:00.000-05:00

I have had the weirdest dreams the last two mornings. Let me treat you to a sampling of the events (10 things, even though it's not Tuesday, 'cause I'm a rebel) contained within my funhouse brain.

1. I was the photographer at a wedding in a ramshackle house in the middle of nowhere. I don't think I knew the bride and groom.

2. I was trying to seduce the first boy I ever fell in love with (5th grade). Didn't sleep long enough to find out if I was successful.

3. I had only brought one lens to the wedding and kept calling someone (my father?) to bring me the other lens from my hotel room but for some reason my phone calls were never completed.

4. Something about a dress that kept tangling around my ankles so I kept walking in circles on the gravel driveway. It was white with flowers and a ruffle around the bottom so perhaps 7-year-old me was the one taking the pictures.

5. It's possible I wasn't hired to be the photographer but there I was. Sort of like an actor's nightmare situation where someone didn't show up and I was there so I said, sure.

6. I couldn't find my dog. I can never find my dog in dreams. This is not a mysterious sign. It's also not about Eddie.

7. I can't remember the situation for Monday night's dream where the first love showed up. I remember it was important, like TV murder mystery kind of important, but I can't get the details. It's really frustrating.

8. Yesterday I did my normal thing and woke up about 45 minutes before the alarm because I had to pee. This morning I slept right through to the alarm which almost never happens. Pretty sure even my DNA is afraid of oversleeping.

9. I couldn't get any of the members of the wedding party to gather and let me take the shots I wanted to take. Every time I got them set up I had to change a setting on my camera and before I could they'd have moved. I imagine this is not unlike reality. I hope one day to find out for sure, though.

10. I still remember a dream I had when we were camping when I was three or four. It involved three gorillas that were taller than the evergreen trees at the place where were were camped. It still scares me to think about but it also proves that I've always been afraid of big things.

But In What Sense Of The Word?

2011-11-15T22:44:00.000-05:00

Turns out sometimes funny comes over and taps you on the shoulder.

I was on my way home from the train furiously retweeting Occupy Wall Street information and imagining all the haters reading and recanting because I am a fully formed adult with a clear picture of her place and power in the world. As I crossed a street I saw an older (older than what I do not know) Eastern Asian woman standing on the opposite corner talking on her phone. As I mounted the curb she reached out and touched my arm while handing me her phone.

I didn't want her phone. It was old and a flip phone and I already have a phone that lets me pretend I am conquering the world's evils. I don't need her phone. As she held it out, though, she said, "I don't speak English."

Aha.

So I tried to scoot out of the way on the sidewalk as I took the phone. "Hello?"

The woman on the other end of the line spoke in perfectly fluent, somewhat accented English over a truly terrible connection. She was the direct sort. "I don't know where my mother is." OK, her sentence construction could be more nuanced but fortunately she got me and not some smartass.

I explained where her mother was.

Then I explained in a different way.

Then I explained in both of those ways but with some added details and emphasis.

Pretty sure the young woman still didn't know where her mother was but I'm also pretty sure that I gave her the tools to get to her. After a lot of repeating ourselves we decided that I would hand the phone back to her mother, she would explain where her mother needed to go, and I would point in the right direction.

I did it kind of out of order. I didn't want to be pointing while the woman was listening because that wasn't going to work. The poor lady was clearly already confused and frightened (and not a little brave, I have to say, we don't even use her alphabet for fuck's sake). So I handed the phone over but before she could engage I pointed strongly and repeatedly in one direction. And, yeah, I was kind of loud when I said, "That way! That. Way!" Because if you're loud enough the words sound the same in English and Chinese (I think).

At this point, not wanting to confuse the mother by hovering I left. Sadly I was many blocks away before I thought it through and realized there were a few things I might have done instead.

1. Waited patiently anyway and made sure the mother headed in the right direction.
2. Walked the mother the whopping 2 blocks to the corner where she was going to have to wait for rescue.
3. Not backed up into a pregnant lady when I started home again.

Well, next time I guess I'll know enough to do better.

Yeah, next time.

Oy

2011-11-15T11:44:00.000-05:00

I know. I promised levity. I'll get to it.

I hope.

In the mean time please enjoy this photo of a grateful man running the New York City Marathon and consider checking me out on Twitter today where I am retweeting pretty much every little scrap of information I can find about the eviction at the Occupy Wall Street Camp last night.

In the event you find yourself in a conversation with someone who believes what they're hearing from the government about the camp please feel free to say that you know someone who has been there (me) and she says that the camp was no more or less sanitary than any other park or plaza in New York City.

Also, if anyone can find reliable information on what happened to the camp's library I'd really like to know.

I'll try to be funny later. You have my word.

Bear With Me A Moment

2011-11-14T16:44:00.000-05:00

I know this seems relentless but I've found some other things that are must-read re: Penn State. I promise that tomorrow we'll talk about something different, something light and airy. Perhaps Angel Food Cake*.

I tell you what, here's a couple of pictures of cute puppies before I hit you with the heavy stuff again. This guy I feel as though I should adopt because then I'd have a set, a black and tan if you will. His name is Paul, for cripes sake, how awesome would it be to have Eddie & Paul. It'd be like a dog radio show. These guys are just...I don't know...the opposite of Eddie and so much what I thought I'd be adopting before I met him. Also I always want to take in the ones who shouldn't be separated because I hate to think that they'll be separated and mourning after already being abandoned.

Better? OK, now on to the harder stuff.

KDiddy is a resident of PA, a football fan, and an all around smart woman so her short post addressing Penn State is worth reading.

Sars, digs deep with the question, "Are We Penn State?" She explores how we might all have made a mistake when confronted with the view of an authority figure committing an intimate crime. Don't think she's defending anyone who failed to report these crimes, though. She gets into the meat of the matter. It's a point that Aunt Snow also brought up in comments yesterday so I wanted to make sure to highlight it here.

Via Twitter I was sent to this piece about how a group prayer won't begin to solve the problems in Happy Valley, nor should it.

Lizz Winstead posted a link to an interview with Sandusky in 1987. Full disclosure, I haven't watched it. I don't think I can and Winstead was pretty clear about how awful it is.

@SPORTSbyBROOKS tweeted this, "Sandusky Grand Jury presentment: 20 people mentioned. 19 men. 1 woman. Guess who called the police?" with this link. I haven't had time to read the article yet.

LOD wrote about how his sons' involvement in scouting has helped open the door to talking about Penn State and keeping themselves safe. I don't entirely agree. He doesn't address the more complicated socioeconomic factors about whether Sandusky's victims would have had access to scouting but I appreciate him highlighting the fact that the scouts are taking steps to keep kids safe.

I can't say that this is the last you'll hear from me on Penn State and Sandusky et. al. but I do think it'll be smart for us to take a short break. Thanks for sticking with me.

*It won't be Angel Food Cake because I hate Angel Food Cake because it's all tough and almost stringy in your mouth but I'll think of something.

What If Other People Wrote About Penn State

2011-11-14T12:18:00.000-05:00

I collected a bunch of links to other people writing about the Penn State rape scandal last week. I thought I would include them with yesterday's post but in the end it didn't seem right so I saved them for today.

Blogher featured a post by berekkah on the grieving that's been going on at the college.

Also from Blogher, a post on the scandal by MinnesotaJoY who is a childhood sex abuse survivor.

A quick account from Gothamist of the way Ashton Kutcher made a Twittering mistake during the breaking of the news. I agree with folks who say that his turning over his tweeting to his management company is a mistake.

Prompted by a clip from ESPN, Aaryn Belfer covers some tough territory about how we work to keep our kids safe these days.

Feministing's coverage of the campus riots.

A quick blurb from Gothamist on the riots. I might not even have included it but it's what I kept going back to as I prepped and wrote yesterday's piece.

Scalzi put in his extremely valuable two cents and even tied it in to some classic sci fi writing.

Again from Blogher, a Penn State alumna speaks on the rape scandal. This one I found both heartening and sad.

Feministing broke news of Joe Paterno's resignation early. We know now that he was fired before Saturday's final game of the season and that firing led to the aforementioned riots. To the best of my knowledge Mr. McQueary is still employed. I have heard a rumor that his job is protected under whistle blower regulations but I have no confirmation of that.

What If, Just What...If

2011-11-13T20:03:00.000-05:00

What I would really like is to have an audience with the supporters of Coach Paterno who rioted last week. And this is what I'd say:
"Hi, everyone. I know this has been a wildly emotional week across the country but nowhere more than here in Happy Valley. I appreciate you giving me a little of your time. I'm going to ask you to do a couple of short visualization exercises with me. I know that sounds fruity, bizarre, and irrelevant so I'm going to thank you in advance for humoring me. One, or maybe both, of these exercises could be difficult and triggering for you. I have faith, though, having seen the depth of your passion this week, that you can work with your emotions.

Enough preamble, let's jump right in. First just close your eyes. I want you to picture a child, about 10 years old, but you don't need to be exact. Now imagine that you are that child. You are in a room in a big, important building with a teacher or coach who you've been told is a trusted adult. It is quiet and dim because it is after hours. That coach is hurting you. You know he shouldn't but you're very small in stature and in power and he is very large in both. The one thing you feel you can do is hope and wish as hard as you can for someone to save you. It should be an adult so they have enough power to make this stop.

After some time you hear footsteps. When you open your eyes you see another adult, perhaps it's Mike McQueary, perhaps it isn't. Your wish was granted! He sees you. He sees your coach. He looks shocked. You're sure the next thing he'll do is move or speak and make this hurting stop.

He walks away.

Anything he does after that is unknown to you. As far as you know he does nothing to stop the immediate pain or any future instances of it. Nothing happens to tell you that you're worthy of being saved and that this kind of thing isn't supposed to happen and isn't your fault. Nothing ever does happen to change those feelings.

OK, open your eyes when you're ready. Take a moment to feel your feelings and breathe through them. Thanks for doing that. One more quick one. It's not similar at all, I promise. I don't know how familiar you might be with fan fiction, when writers create their own stories for characters from beloved TV shows or movies? There's a device called Alternate Universe that some of these writers use where they change a few facts of the world the characters live in to suit your story. We're going to use it now.

Go ahead and close your eyes again. Let's pretend we're all right here as we are now but it's years ago when Mr. McQueary first saw the incident we used in the first exercise. So technically it wouldn't be you here it would be your counterparts from that time but let's make it easier on ourselves and say it's us. It's not me up here talking to you, it's Coach Paterno and he has the following to say to you, "Thank you all for coming today. As I'm sure you've heard there was an incident on campus a couple of days ago that is deeply disturbing to all of us. Charges are being made against Coach Sandusky regarding the harm of a young man. I'm not here to spread rumors so I'm not going to get into details. I'm sure those will come out in the days to come. I do have a couple of rumors I can lay to rest, though. I have heard people say that this incident will tarnish the reputation of our team, our school, and our community. Let me assure you that is not the case. Ideally this would never have happened here in Happy Valley but we're all adults and we know that no place is perfect. We are judged by how we handle adversity and so far I think we're handling it pretty well. The minute Coach Sandusky's behavior was discovered we investigated. We took steps to make sure he was removed from campus and urged him to get help. We provided counseling and assistance to the young man and, as we go forward we plan to assist and encourage all the students who have been involved in any similar incidents that may be discovered. I have always strived to run not just a winning football program but an ethical one. I don't just teach a playbook, I teach life, a good life, where we take responsibility for our neighbors and work hard to make sure we don't just look good we do good. I am proud of all of you for staying the course, for supporting our community through this difficult time, and I have no doubt you will continue. It is those actions that will assure that we will come out of this not just fine but better and stronger than ever. Thank you and God bless."

Don't open your eyes. Picture yourselves giving him a standing ovation. Picture yourselves standing and cheering and whooping for your coach as long, as loud, and as passionately as you did this week when you heard that he'd been fired. Now picture what happens next. Does someone else come to the podium? Can anyone follow that? Would anyone dare to penalize the team, the school, or the man in the face of such decisive action and such a devoted following?

OK, open your eyes. I know what my answers to those questions are but I trust you as adults to come to your own conclusions. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me pose them.

Goodnight."

Let's Try This By Phone

2011-11-13T09:59:00.001-05:00

Scintillating blogging, I know, but important research. Thanks for bearing with me.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Maybe It's A Photo Thing

2011-11-13T09:53:00.000-05:00

Doing some scientific investigation to try and discover why my mobile blogging suddenly cut off.

Ed & Buce

2011-11-12T10:40:00.000-05:00

Waiting by the bread stand in the greenmarket in case you need some carbs when you finish.

And that concludes our fun with this particular event. Hope Lisa had a brilliant race and HUGE thanks to everyone who humored my whim.

(Another) Stella

2011-11-12T10:38:00.000-05:00

Would like to cheer but that lady has treats. (For the record, this particular lady belongs to Stella.)

Bob Awaits Your Arrival

2011-11-12T10:36:00.002-05:00

Sheba Says, Run For The Ball!

2011-11-12T10:35:00.000-05:00

Buce

2011-11-12T10:34:00.000-05:00

Doesn't stop chewing his ball, even to cheer.

2 for 1

2011-11-12T10:32:00.002-05:00

Carli & Chula

Lelu

2011-11-12T10:31:00.002-05:00

Lelu wishes you would run so she can get her treat.

Run, says Stella

2011-11-12T10:30:00.002-05:00