No Matter What The Day

Today is Giving Tuesday, apparently. It's part of the whole Black Friday/Small Business Saturday/Cyber Monday scheme to get people to focus their consuming in different directions as the heavy retail and gifting season begins. Since Tuesdays are also for 10 things I'll toss out 10 places one might give this, or any, time of the year.

1. The Tunnel to Towers Foundation was set up by the family of a firefighter who died in the collapse of the World Trade Center on 9/11. Their organization is instrumental in getting aid to folks who have been harmed by the recent super storm. 

2. I give to The Lung Association every year in memory of Mrs. X. Lung cancer doesn't get as much press as a lot of other varietals but it'll kill you dead just the same. Yes, even if you never smoked.

3. Our JRH has done runs for the Dana Farber Institute. Again, wiping out cancer, not a bad thing.

4. Mrs. X was a big believer in Heifer International. She gave me a flock of chicks once. I gave Mr. X a hive of bees last year, I think. It's a group that works to improve communities and our natural world in one fell swoop. Pretty cool.

5. You can donate money or time to Habitat for Humanity. Auntie Blanche loved them. I don't know how much of that was about the importance of home and how much was about an admiration of Jimmy Carter and I don't care!

6. I talk about Donors Choose a lot. I come from a long line of educators. I'm going to keep talking about it until it's no longer something we need so, you know, don't hold your breath.

7. I've done a few performances over the years at Brooklyn Arts Exchange. I've also mopped the studios, run the lights, sold the tickets, and attended the shows. They are a great community-oriented group bringing arts and education and healing to everyone they touch.

8. I hadn't heard of the National Network of Abortion Funds until today. Perfect timing! From their site, "Nearly all abortion funds are grassroots organizations that work directly with women and families who face obstacles to abortion." Especially in light of what happened to Savita Halappanavar in Ireland this month I think we need to be expanding our outreach to help save women's lives.

9. Since the first step in reducing the need for abortions is reproductive health then let's not overlook Planned Parenthood's need for funds, either.

10. After yesterday's sad dog story I can't choose just one animal rescue organization. I talk all the time about Rescue Ink, Seer Farms, BARC, Sean Casey, the NHSPCA, and plenty of others. They all need your help but you know what? So does your local rescue. Please give of your time, goods, and money as much and as often as you can.

Thank you. I know you're all generous people and I appreciate that.

*See also my posts from earlier this month detailing good places to support people recovering from Superstorm Sandy.

Photo Challenge: LEAP

Leap day dawned gray and has gotten rainy and cold. I feel like crap and I've got too much defending of my honor to do today (I'm looking at you anti-dog park people). I am wildly grateful to have this photo challenge to brighten up the situation. Love these photos.

We've got more new folks and we raised $70 for The American Cancer Society in Chris's memory and honor. These are all good things. Please comment here or on the photog's Flickr streams. Please scroll down for the next challenge.

You should go to Flickr and check out all the entries from mousepower1 because her timing is divine. I chose this one because I fell for the purity of color in motion.

Our Cindy/Elephant Soap/The Widow Maddera has been leaping a lot lately. Figuratively at least. I especially enjoy her face in this literal leap.

Do you recognize this look on Our Janet/fondofsnape's pseudo-grandson's face? If you've ever been told quite the tale by a kid you should. Click through to read the transcript of his important announcement.

A study in contrasts between Our Bethany/herm007's boys. They're always a study in contrasts (and complements) but it's rarely this clear.

Smalltown Mom titled this one Leap for our challenge but I want to call it Triumph. Look at the fist pumping joy on that face!

Not only is my beloved Bob leaping here it was a hell of a leap when they adopted him. Adopting pets always is, I think. It's terrifying and awesome and I think I'm standing on the ledge of adopting another one pretty much every day convincing myself not to jump off.

I can't even think of anything to say about this one by Wasagooze. It speaks for itself.

Now we head into March. Lions and lambs and women and history. It's a big month. It's also the month my mom was born. So let's go with WOMAN as our prompt. You can think of it as woman or womyn or wo-man or chicks or broads or ladies or folks or whatever but we'll call the prompt WOMAN as a catch all. (And now that word means nothing to me because I've written it too much.)

In honor of Mrs. X, who was my mom's friend (and my friend, and Steph's mom) we'll be raising some dollars for the American Lung Association this time around. It's also fitting since my lungs continue to rebel in ways great and small. $10 for every photographer who participates in the challenge.

Please add your photos to our Flickr photo pool by 9am on Tuesday March 13th for posting on Wednesday March 14th. Let me know if you have any questions!

10 Things Mrs. X

Steph posted a photo of her mom on Facebook this morning to mark the 5th anniversary of her death. I would absolutely have stolen it and posted it here but I'm at work and we don't get Facebook here because people are stupid. I combed through my archives and found a few goodies to fill out a list of 10.

1.

2. The last time I saw her Mrs. X took my hand to lead me into the living room so the others would follow us so she could sit down. I think of the way that felt all the time.

3. Every time we eat clementines ChemE and I remember that Mrs. X would painstakingly peel all of the white pith off of them so ChemE would eat them

4.

5. She instituted our Christmas tradition of "Heifer and Homemade" because she didn't want us to spend time and money shopping and worrying and she thought that those two things - donating and giving from the heart - were worthy of us.

6. After she lost much of her hair she wore this bright red beret and when it was broiling hot out she'd soak it in cold water to keep her cool.

7.

8. She made some of the worst chicken I have ever eaten in my whole life.

9. I would give almost anything for the chance to eat that chicken again.

10.

10 Things For Today

What's that line from Rent? No day but today! Yupper.

1. The woman in this picture? She's on the bus on her way toward me.

2. It's fucking pouring rain right now. Her bus probably won't be delayed but the timing is delicate. There aren't a lot of places to hang around inside near the drop off. I fear one of us will get very wet. But we're just headed home after and we're not soluble.

3. I am neck deep in updating addresses. Taking a short break for this list and to stop my eyes from crossing. These are not my addresses. They're someone else's for someone else's holiday cards.

4. My holiday cards are designed (thank you JRH!), ordered, and winging their way toward me.

5. My address list is woefully out of date. I have much work to do.

6. My house is pretty clean for being 3 days before a party. I think someone has to come visit me on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving every year. Hell, you don't have to actually come you just have to say you're coming and make me believe it until about noon on that Tuesday.

7. As I mentioned to Chili this morning my motto for the year's present-giving is "Heifer & Homemade". It was a saying of Mrs. X's and we grew to love it. Heifer can stand specifically for Heifer International or it can be a pleasingly alliterative stand-in for any charitable donation. I suspect this year it will be both.

8. I mention #7 only to say that I had the help of a couple of web sites in turning some things of my own into gifts and a bunch of that stuff arrived yesterday. A big bunch. When you put it all in one place, well, wow I made a lot of stuff! (Not clutter, though, useful stuff.)

9. Even if my eyes weren't crossing I don't think I'm going to get all these addresses fixed today. I'm going to try, though.

10. Tomorrow? We bake!

But Today...Today...She

Little ideas for writing have been dancing through my head all day. So many things to say, so many things going on. Rather than choose anything I just sat on the couch and played with my iPad (engraved with my name!) for a couple of hours.

Mostly I want to write about the amazing lunch I had. My colleague and I had planned to go last week but, you know, snow so we postponed. She'd been on a date to this noodle shop and she was kind enough to share. Spur of the moment we decided to go today. I ordered a miso based noodle soup with shrimp and pork and rice balls and two kinds of tofu and some other things I've forgotten. The noodles were the perfect texture and delicious and the cabbage was fantastic and I could not stop eating it. O had most of the same ingredients but done up in a much spicier broth. It took chopsticks, a big wooden soup spoon and special techniques to eat it all. We got miso on O's glasses and my Blackberry.

The thing is, it's the 3rd of January. It's the day that Mrs. X died. I should write something about her. I want to write that too, but...what?

I don't know if she liked noodles but I'm pretty sure she would have loved to hear about my deep love of my noodly lunch. I know she would have loved that Steph and I rode up north for Christmas together with our dogs. She would have loved Steph's roly poly Charlie and his laid back, sporty traveler attitude. She wouldn't have been mad that I missed our annual breakfast. She would have laughed uproariously at my unparking mishap. She would have liked my caroling story. She would have known all the lyrics to the obscure carols I learned.

I've been thinking about her for about a month, as you do when you know the deathiversary is coming up. Driving around town at Christmas I remembered walking to her funeral. I kept thinking about how she held my hand while we walked into the living room the last time we visited. But I didn't write anything down.

That is, until about 5 minutes ago when I wrote 2 lines and burst into tears. 'Cause I still miss the hell out of her and Christmas, while lovely and calm and truly wonderful this year (you know, until the top speed snow-motivated departure), will never be the same without her.

I love you, Mrs. X, wherever you may be. Thank you for everything.

Halt!

I dreamt last night that I was working for an injured friend. I had two bags of his laundry and was carrying them many blocks between the two apartments he owned in this dream-reality so that another worker could wash them. Somewhere along the way I lost one. From 4:30 to 6 this morning I continued to dream-worry about the second bag while choosing to do other non-essential tasks rather than retrace my steps and find the white, mesh bag full of unmentionables.

Now, as my ex-pseudo-father-in-law used to say, I told you that to tell you this.

I've been ignoring Christmas. First it seemed far away and then it seemed like something I just needed to take a look at and then it was like a bag of laundry lost somewhere on a ten block walk. I can't even fathom the energy to solve this problem much less apply myself to the task. Every time it walks naked out of the bathroom I avert my eyes.

You know?

A large bit of what I've been avoiding is saying something big. I've wanted to say it, I've bandied it about, I've urged others to say it first but I haven't gone jingle balls to the wall and said it. I'm almost 42. It's time to St. Nick Sac up.

If you're reading this and we have exchanged presents in the past let's please not this year. (Even if you're not reading this expect an email soon 'cause I think I've hit the year where I don't just want this change, I need it.) Sure there are things that I want and need but they're not things that you should or probably even can buy for me. Some of them can't be bought at all. That's OK. You don't need to buy me things. If we exchange food gifts I'm sure we'll continue to do that but as for me? Don't get me anything. Please be sure, it's not that I don't appreciate all the gifts you've given me. I'm fortunate to know a bunch of pretty awesome gift givers. But that's stress, time, and money we just don't have. I'd rather we spent those parts of ourselves differently. (Anyone want to go out for dinner in January?)

Now, chances are, if we've exchanged gifts before, I am actually going to give something. But I'm going to give it to someone else. This year I'm going to sit down and make a bunch of donations in the names of all of you. If you absolutely must give something to, on, around or about me then I'd be enormously flattered if you would do the same. I think it's cool to see what charitable entity speaks to you of me.

I see charities I want to support all the time and then I don't have money right then or I plan to do it when I get home or for Christmas and I just...don't. I'm going to highlight them here at 117 Hudson this season. Not every day, not in a formal gift guide way but here and there in case you're inspired to join me on this charitable holiday thing.

First up the ones I know right off my head, that I already give to.

1. ChemE's mom died of ovarian cancer a long time ago. Most years at Christmas and/or her birthday I go to Charity Navigator, pick the best rated ovarian cancer charity and donate in her name.

2. ChemE and I donate to Habitat For Humanity every year as a memorial for Auntie Blanche. I'm not exactly clear why, though I can guess, but this was AB's top organization to support. We used to give her the donation as her gift and she loved it.

3. Again with ChemE, but we've got systems in place, in honor of Mrs. X who passed away in January of 2007 we trade off donating to The American Lung Association (I use Charity Navigator to see which branch is both geographically close and highly rated) and Heifer International. Mrs. X made a "Heifer & Homemade" policy for the holidays a few years before she died of lung cancer so you can understand why we keep this up.

4. For a few years I've supported classroom projects through Donors Choose for Blondie & The Athlete. I try to choose a project that aligns in some ways with their interests. When I miss Auntie Blanche a lot I'll sometimes cruise the Donors Choose projects and just donate to a music project she'd have liked.

5. On the other hand, this year I might donate to the SPCA in the "kids" names (they're so old now!) as they're both hard core animal lovers.

6. My good friend and yours, Mimi Ferraro (first photo above), is having a Breastival to help with the crippling costs of her treatment for breast cancer (yes, she has and had health insurance, yes, the costs are still more than a person can bear). You can get more information about the event, Mimi and how to donate here.

Now, all this being said, I'm still sending the hell out of a bunch of holiday cards. I can't guarantee they'll get there before Christmas but they'll get there. JRH worked hard on the design and I want people to see it. If you've gotten a card from me before (and not moved without telling me) you'll get one this year. If you haven't gotten a card from me before and you'd like to you can email me at isabeau6 (at) hotmail (dot) com and I'll gladly add you to the list.

Happy Holidays y'all. Thanks for helping me to say my piece. I feel lighter already.

Think Pink Panther

Starting today you're likely to be inundated with urgings to think pink, buy pink, drink pink, wear pink, wash pink, eat pink, sit on pink, drive pink, just pink pink pink pink pink. It's for a good cause, so why shouldn't you, right?

Don't get me wrong some of my best friends are breast cancer survivors. To say nothing of my mother. (Cancer free almost 20 years, go mom!) However, as one of those friends, Audio Girl, reminded me today, we need to think before we "pink." A lot of the obvious choices for support aren't actually helping women with breast cancer very much, if at all. I trust Audio Girl to have done the research to find legitimately helpful organizations to support. Here are some that were mentioned in the thread she started on Facebook:

• Barbara Ehrenreich
• 
  
• Think Before You Pink
• 
  
• Young Survival Coalition
• 
  
• Breast Cancer Action
• 
  
• BCRF
• 
  
• I'm Too Young For This
• 
  
• Let's F Cancer

There's another thing you might not know about cancer: women don't just get breast cancer. Women get all kinds of cancer. I could justify using this occasion to plug the support of any form of cancer. Maybe I ought to use it to rant out my real fears about the path that medical research is going down which may be hindering the search for every cure. I'm going to talk about lung cancer, though.

Yesterday, during a routine conversation with ChemE, we touched on Christmas plans. Unsurprisingly it's going to be different this year. I wasn't upset, no more than I usually am about Christmas, it's more anxiety than anything else. After we got off the phone, though, I went under a brief, strong wave of missing Mrs. X.

Mrs. X died of lung cancer almost 4 years ago. Never smoked, lived in a suburban to rural area, didn't cure meat for a living. Her cancer story is not perfectly unique. A lot more people, especially women, who do not have lifestyle markers for lung cancer find themselves blindsided by an aggressive form of it. Research for this type of cancer is funded far less lavishly than breast cancer. The American Lung Association is doing its best to bring positive attention to lung cancer and other respiratory illnesses but there's a challenge to spin doctors with a disease that has automatic blame factors. You'll notice that the first thing I did when I mentioned Mrs. X's disease was to disclaim hard and long for fear you'd think she deserved her cancer. As much as I abhor smoking (people who smoke underneath my window, I'm looking at you) no one deserves this shit.

So this October I do hope that you think about cancer, cancer research, cancer funding, cancer survivors and most especially cancer prevention. But I hope you think beyond the color of a label. I've known you guys a while now, though. I'm sure you will.

10 Good Things

A year ago today Joe the Barber died. Two years ago yesterday (or was it three?) mom's old man friend, Jake, died. Just over half a year ago Auntie Blanche took off for parts unknown. In January I let Mrs. X's passiversary well, pass, without note. OK, without note here on the internet, trust me, it was noted. Grandmother Biddy's 8th year away will come on May 8th, a red letter day of sorts.

Joe sent us a beautiful day today. So I thought it'd be a good Tuesday to do 10 Good Things about some of those people.

1. Joe and my mom and another neighbor used to have "tomato races" to see who could get the first ripe tomato of the season. The subterfuge involved is the stuff of legend.

2. Jake made pot roast that I sometimes still dream about. The guy would once in a great while have one solitary 7 & 7 but he'd deglaze the pot roast pan with PLENTY of sherry. Even Martha Stewart would vouch for this good thing.

3. Auntie Blanche used to bring roses to all the senior citizens in her home town on Christmas Eve.

4. Mrs. X had a really specific laugh for when she was being snarky. She could be Mistress of the Snark, which was very cool.

5. My grandfather, Robbie, (8 years as of Nov. 9th) was revamping a school project at the time of his death. He'd been invited to a local high school to be a sort of "Back in My Day" show and tell item and he felt he hadn't handled it perfectly so he was going to do it right the next year.

6. Mrs. X instituted "Homemade & Heifer" for our Christmas exchanges. Heifer stood for Heifer International but we expanded the definition to include any charity. We give a lot to the Lung Cancer folks now.

7. The gift we gave Auntie Blanche that she liked the most was a donation in her name to Habitat for Humanity. All my life she lived in a rented apartment.

8. After 9/11 Joe worried about me being prepared for another disaster and about how long my walk home was. After the blackout in 2003 he said, "It's not fair. She had to walk home twice!"

9. Robbie & Biddy's house smelled a particular way. It was sort of cool and earthy and delicious. It still exists very faintly on a coat of his that I have. I haven't worn it much because I didn't want to destroy the smell.

10. Joe used to go to the Bee's house to take the dog for a ride just because she liked it.

Do me a favor and enjoy the hell out of this day, willya? Thanks. I knew I could count on you.

Gert Wishes She Was At My House Today

After coming to two parties at my house over the course of two months Bebe called and, hoping I wasn't offended, offered that she had some suggestions about how to make traffic flow and livability better here. I wasn't offended. On some level I was kind of relieved. At her request I drew her the world's most out of scale floor plan, with perfectly accurate measurements, and we set a date.

Today was the day my own private redecorating tornado came to play.

Bebe arrived at 10am. I put her in a car service about 7:45pm. We did take a short walk to the hardware store and to eat a bite at Maggie Brown, oh and we sat down to watch a few questions worth of Jeopardy before she left but aside from that we've been working all day long. I have reduced two SOS pads to nubbins, used up full rolls of two kinds of tape, hammered my first nail into the walls of this apartment (up to now someone has done it for me), run 3 loads through the dishwasher, said "sure!" approximately 72459234302947302420 times, used remarkable few paper towels and scared the crap out of my cats. (Gert, it was while I was SOSing my entire kitchen that I thought of you. I thought, "I bet Gert would find this so satisfying. I bet she'd be getting some sort of kick out of it instead of feeling like she was SOSing off a significant part of her soul.")

I am exhausted. I'm happy, love the new look, but am truly beaten by the process. And I have homework! It's not company-ready yet. I've got instructions and I've made promises and I have lists. I can't even take the photos yet because my homework is all over (and under) the dining room table. However, I'm happily ensconced in my new (seats 8!) living room with my drink on a side table (how grown up!) and I'm feeling pretty lucky that someone would think about me like this and give me the gift of her expertise in this way.

This morning via Facebook Steph, ChemE and I all exchanged a few little words about Mrs. X. She died 2 years ago today. I didn't make the connection until after I sent Bebe off home but this was probably the best way to mark this day. It was tough but good to spend a whole day with one of my Other Mothers. I gave her 2 photos for Christmas presents and they made her cry so I think she really liked them. She talked to me about a visit she made to her family in Calgary in the fall, she giggled at the thrill of spoiling my dog and we solved a cat-related scare together.

Bebe's way is not Mrs. X's way. I can't stress that strongly enough. Their importance to me, though, is comparable. I think of Mrs. X often but, of course, those thoughts are stronger and more frequent around the holidays. It was a tough Christmas and I really, I don't know the word, resented maybe, not being able to hear her laugh and have her hold my hand. While I was thinking of Auntie Blanche I remembered Mrs. X, already ill, coming to the nursing home and participating in an impromptu singalong. In a room of women from the ages of 7 to 96 the one person who knew all the words to to every single song was Mrs. X. I wanted her to teach me all those words.

What I'm saying I guess is thank goodness I have other mothers to ease the loss. I was lucky to have Mrs. X and I'm lucky to have Bebe and that, I suppose, is more than some people even know to ask for.

1 Down, A Lifetime to Go

A year ago today Mrs. X died.

It felt like the big hurdle would be getting past a Christmas without her. We did well. The rest of us (Steph, Bud, Mr. X, ChemE, Mr. ChemE) got together and had breakfast. We didn't have time to go back to the house and see their tree and the changes he's made to the house. Next year I hope we will. Bud had some pictures of the headstone, which is lovely. She's buried in VT and is probably covered in snow right now.

It doesn't feel possible that a year has passed. I know everyone says that but how can everyone be wrong, you know? I...I almost didn't write this because I couldn't make words and form them into sentences. It's still a lot of feelings that aren't completely formed.

I miss her.

I guess that's all that needs to be said.

I Can't Believe I Last Looked At This List in July

I think my #1 goal for 2008 should be "Check in on this list once a month no matter how scary it feels." I'll go through the list one more time now and then work on a list for 2008.

1. Get regular vocal coaching - This has become harder since it involves finding a new coach now that Jay is dead. I might have to split it up into 2 goals now. It sure didn't get done in 2007.

2. Record full-length CD - I have got one more track down on this. And that's as far as it went.

3. Scudder Memorial (Jan) - subbed Mrs. X's service for this. DONE

4. Finish DVD - DONE

5. Night Before Christmas for fam (make a book? buy them?) - Yeah, not done and I'm ambivalent about it since I wasn't even asked to read the story this year on Christmas Eve. Still I might do it. I'd love to see what sort of NBC Robert would illustrate. I did buy them for the kids, though, so DONE.

6. Memorize Night Before Christmas - This seems much less important. I don't think it's going to make the 2008 list.

7. Continue Floor Barre classes - The head cleavage dimmed the wattage on this since Thanksgiving but it's a habit and I'm sure I won't stop it.

8. Add another hour per week of exercise - I've added walking, plenty more than an hour a week. I think I need to add an hour (3 20 minute sessions) of weight training.

9. Teach at NSCC (April) - got canceled, not of my own accord. Sub in "Hold brunch at my house" and it's DONE.

10. See Red Molly in MA (April) - got canceled due to time and budgetary constraints with the wedding and the funeral and stuff. Sub in "Throw dinner party" and its also DONE.

11. Submit play to 20 places - I've done 1.

12. Book Shakespeare 20 places - I'm still on the verge of 1.

13. Go on a date - I feel that my zipperhead makes this a little more challenging for the forseeable future but I do want to change my attitude about the whole process.

14. New Year at the steam pipes - I'm doing that in a few hours after dinner at K&A's pad and I'm really looking forward to it.

15. 2 field trips with Alita - We did one to the aquarium and I think we can count Santaland and Wolves in the Walls so three total, cool!

16. Write 6x/week on blog - I've been writing 3 times a day most days for a few months so this is a habit and I'm pretty sure I'll be sticking with it.

17. See Avenue Q - DONE!

18. Post-Thanksgiving Open House - It was fun, too. DONE.

19. Make 3 cross stitch bibs (Music Baby, ProfDoc kid, Miflohny baby) - I did 2 and the 3rd kid is probably too old for that so I'm letting it slide. What goes in this crafting slot this year? Learn to knit?

20. Find director for Chekhov - I had a meeting with a potential director.

21. Reading of Chekhov

22. Full production of Chekhov

23. Sing live - I sang at the nursing home about a year ago. I'd like to do more of that and I'd like to sing in other venues too, but due to #1 on this list...let's just say it's a challenge.

24. Hang pictures

25. Bathe dog once - DONE! Poorly but done.

26. Perform at Boerum Hill nursing home sing along - DONE!

27. Pick songs for nursing homes show

28. Learn songs for 27 - I did work on this and on 27, clearly it's not a priority.

29. Book 5 nursing home shows

30. Lobsterbake (June) - DONE.

31. Cook Christmas dinner - DONE

32. Do stockings for Christmas - I did other gifts instead and it turned out that other people did stockings so it all worked out.

33. Polish up 3 short stories - I've done a second draft of one and sent it to Wayfarer for more comments.

34. 20 short story submissions

35. Go to Met Museum

36. See an opera

37. Go to MoMA

38. Go to Frick - If I'd looked at this list I might have gotten myself out the door and to a museum on Friday, huh?

39. Buy back-up hard drive - DONE (thanks to Mr. Chili)

40. Get back-up hard drive installed - DONE (see above for the thanks)

41. Install Final Draft

42. Learn how to use Final Draft

43. Eat 3 servings of fruits & veggies/day - DONE my eating habits are tres different despite my slacking this month.

44. Finish work filing - DONE

45. Re-do work files

46. Keep work files current - so not done.

47. Donate mattress & box spring - DONE

48. Clean out closets

49. Set up home filing system

50. Gyn appointment

51. Dentist appointment

52. Buy scanner

53. Scan family photos

54. Pay Kath & Alex back for Emily care - I could do more but they always tell me no so I'm calling it DONE

55. Auntie Blanche's birthday - I have no recollection of what I did for this. I did not go home since I'd been back a month before for the reunion.

56. Trip to beach - technically done with the Aquarium trip, letter of the law but not the spirit really. Still, DONE.

57. Art work for CD - DONE (thanks to Alex & Kath)

58. Post photos to Flickr - DONE, it's a habit.

59. Invest 1/2 savings - My savings is in poor shape. Still exists but I've been having to pirate it for regular expenses.

60. See accountant in person - DONE

61. Re-work investments to maximize return

62. Sort out IRA contribution

63. NaBloPoMo - DONE

64. Brooklyn Museum - DONE

65. See Coast of Utopia - not an option anymore, sub in "Go to 20th HS reunion" and call it DONE.

66. Update address book - I updated my Christmas card spreadsheet but not the address book.

67. Make Christmas cards - DONE

68. Take more photos - Total habit, total love. DONE

69. Go to one Share the Wealth Brunch - DONE

70. Read classic/good-for-me books - I read a good mix this year I think. DONE.

71. Plan birthday celebration - I don't know if this was for Jan 2007 or Jan 2008. DONE on both counts.

72. Go to Aquarium - DONE

73. Set automatic payments for health insurance - Not done and just as well I suppose since I've been urged to switch insurance companies.

74. Bring lunch 3 days/week - Calling this DONE.

75. Give SG1 back to Ulserad - DONE, FINALLY.

76. Get photos framed

77. Eye exam - DONE

78. New lenses - DONE and new frames too.

79. Contact lenses

80. Make out will

81. Inquire about grave plot

82. Renew passport - I got the forms for it.

83. Submit for print audition - Yeeeeah, maybe not just now with my crater face.

84. Submit for commercial audition - Ditto.

85. Write Rena once/month - I wrote a few times and she liked it and we talked on the phone 3 or 5 times so I'm calling it DONE. Again spirit not letter.

86. Write Auntie Blanche once/month - See above.

87. Cook once/month - At least once a month. DONE.

88. Go to Cyclones game - Talked with Kath about this and we'll probably go together this coming summer.

89. Take all vacation days - Why is this so tough, I've got a full week(4 days) left over.

90. Make new cookbook pages - This was something that went out the window after the surgery.

91. God's Love for Thanksgiving - DONE

92. Solve electric meter problem - strides were made but done it's not.

93. Write to The Athlete - DONE/ There is so much despair around this.

94. Write something 15 minutes/day - I still go in and out on this but I'm working on it.

95. Send Christmas thank you notes

96. Read This Is Not Over once/week - This site is now defunct so its not happening. Sub "Attend Father's wedding" and it's DONE.

97. Drink 64 oz. water minimum/day - Totally a habit. DONE

98. Buy rings from Yelle - Sub buy from Queen Bee and I've MORE than accomplished this. DONE

99. Get painting fixed - Pony Express and I jury rigged it since professional services were not available. DONE.

100. Vocal warm-up 5 days/week

101. Physical warm-up 5 days/week

102. Daily vitamin - I stopped doing this because it was stopping me up.

103. Pay extra mortgage payment - I paid some extra over the year but not a full extra payment.

104. Pay off loan from Mom - DONE!

105. Get massage - DONE!

106. Get facial

107. Buy cocktail dress that fits - DONE maybe a couple of times over what with the reunion and the wedding and the weight loss.

It's been interesting to revisit this. Scary but interesting. I'm looking forward to really rethinking my priorities and making a 108 in 2008 list. JRH was instrumental in goosing me along to a 2008 list so perhaps she'll share her list with us here.

Tally: 53 DONE, that's almost half, and since there was progress made on many other things I'm calling it a passing grade since in life showing your work really does count. Really, really.

Click the 107 in 2007 tag below to see all the posts on the subject.

Everybody's Doin' It

You find this list of questions everywhere but I don't know if I've ever answered them before. Linda is always kind enough to print just the questions for easy copying before she posts her answers so I was inspired by her to jump in. It took a long while to do, it's far from easy but it is interesting. I'd love to know what your answers are. If you don't have a blog but would like/allow them to be posted in public I'd be happy to post them here.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Went to my 20th HS reunion...sprained some joints...had facial surgery...went to the wedding of one of my parents...owned a cat with a heart murmur.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I kept some I didn't keep others. I try to think of them as guidelines. I will definitely make some more so stay tuned to this station.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yup.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yeah, Mrs. X, D. Jay, Jake, Jack.

5. What countries did you visit?

I stayed here. Like right here. Didn't even move off the East Coast. This is not so good.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Better health. More kissing. Fame and fortune. A different president/hope for the future.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 3rd when Mrs. X died. November 27 when I had the wacky Mohs surgery. April 27 & 28. On the 27th I was driving north for my father's wedding on the 28th and I got the call that my mother's partner of many years, Jake, had died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Continuing my near 39 year streak of not committing homicide? It was harder to keep this year than you might think. Realistically my answer is plunging into producing an evening of new work, probably. (February 15th & 16th at 8pm in Brooklyn, hope to see you there!)

9. What was your biggest failure?

Staying another year in the j.o.b. without significant progress toward supporting myself doing something I love.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh christ yes. I fell and fractured my radius, sprained my elbow and wrist and messed up my knee. I got my head professionally busted open to remove basal cell carcinoma. I got food poisoning. Even my pets suffered illness, it was ridiculous.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I honestly can't remember a damn thing that I bought this year, though I know I bought stuff. For lack of a better answer I'll say the ticket to my 20th High School Reunion. Though my Weight Watchers subscription might be a tie.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Anyone who put up with me? Gar's did certainly since he helped me immeasurably in his short stay on the East Coast. Pony Express also fits this category what with the coming to watch me get my head cleaved and all.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I'm not super impressed with some family members. I'm still weighing whether to include myself in this category. The Athlete has been making some choices I'm having a lot of trouble with.

14. Where did most of your money go?

You'd think I'd know this since I spent a significant chunk of the year watching my finances. It seems to be going largely to bills but a lot of it went to the different vets who have kept my pets alive and the pet food store as I tried to find the right balance to keep them that way. Also to getting my new glasses and to the downpayment for the show I'm doing in February. (Feb 15 & 16 in Brooklyn, remember?)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I got overly excited about my HS reunion and other people's reactions to it. That's about it, it's been a bit of a downer year.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

I'm so bad at this. Probably White Trash Wedding by the Dixie Chicks. For no particular reason I love the fast picking twanginess of it. It happened to be one of the first songs that shuffled off my iPod after dad announced his wedding date and now I don't enjoy it at all, it sets my teeth on edge. Again, downer year for me, sorry.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?

Sadder. I'm never particularly happy at this time of year and this year has kicked my ass a little. I'm thinner, a lot thinner. I'm poorer and still trying to figure that out.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Traveling. Kissing. Performing.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Working at the j.o.b.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With friends and family in New England.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

Nope.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

So hard to choose (also so hard to link, I'm going to leave you to google for yourselves). Veronica Mars, Class, How I Met Your Mother, Friday Night Lights, The Riches, Weeds, Battlestar Gallactica, Burn Notice, Saving Grace and probably some more that I'm forgetting. I love TV.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

This is dangerous and I really don't think I should answer it. I'd say yes and leave it at that but hate is such a strong word I'm afraid to stick to close to it.

24. What was the best book you read?

I was going to say Time Traveler's Wife but it turns out I read that last year. I'm having trouble remembering anything I read this last year. Oh! Harry Potter, that was awesome and that was definitely this year.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I can still play the piano with both hands...at the same time!

26. What did you want and get?

The rest of the Twilight Trilogy, a sweater handmade specially for me, a Mike Lowell t-shirt, a reprieve from my review, champagne on my birthday, Christmas sheet music, my old camera back, a piano, a superhero necklace

27. What did you want and not get?

Big camera, feather duster, Sandman comics, an upgrade of my Flickr account, a new president, world peace and so many other things I am too embarrassed to list here.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Notes on a Scandal. Can't recommend that enough. I also really enjoyed Stardust and a bunch of things I saw on DVD.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 38 and I didn't do much on the actual day. We usually go bowling with the brunch club on a Sunday near my birthday...no, but we didn't this year. I came home early from Mrs. X's funeral and we had an evening champagne toast at a local wine bar. Alex and I ended up perching Alita between us and making her laugh like a manic sci fi character for hours. Maybe we can do that again, that was fun.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More kissing? Less surgery? Book deal? A job I really love? Fewer days involving the intimate knowledge of cat urine?

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Crap, I need a belt.

32. What kept you sane?

Friends of both the 2 and 4 legged variety and having my own apartment.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

My love for Lee Tergesen has become unavoidable.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The upcoming election so, in some ways, all of them.

35. Who did you miss?

Mrs. X, D. Jay

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This also seems dangerous, also I can't remember who I've met. I enjoyed the 2nd year of NaBloPoMo and meeting some new people and their blogs through that.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

Wear sunscreen (no matter what Gerry says).

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm going to make a lot of money
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on


There's this other meme that a bunch of people are answering as well. I decided not to since a lot of the questions are love/partner/marriage related and since I don't have anything in that category it's too many Not Applicables for my taste. There's this one question on it, though, that's cracking me up the way people are answering.

The questions are about what you'll be doing in the coming year and one is, "Will you go to bars?" So far everyone I've read has answered in the negative in such a vehement way as to imply that they were reaching for the smelling salts with one hand while typing, "Oh heavens to Betsy no!" with the other.

People, they're bars not opium dens. Those big dudes at the door are to bounce rowdies out not to block you in and force feed you Jagermeister. You can go in, enjoy the company of good friends in an adult environment that reminds you there's a world outside your 4 walls and if you want you can even enjoy a (gasp!) NON alcoholic beverage. It's like everyone thinks that married people aren't allowed in bars. Really not the case. I don't mean that in a "cheating bastards" context, either. Happily married people often enjoy the atmosphere of a nice bar with or without their spouse. I saw it with my own two eyes last night.

So, for you of the "Heavens to Betsy no!" crowd may I suggest you put just one ever so brief visit on your to do list. There might be a pleasant surprise in it for you. If you need suggestions of places for beginners to try let me know, I'm happy to do the research.

Here's Something I'd Completely Forgotten About

This was Lesterhead's first NaBloPoMo and she accidentally dropped out of the running as of the 24th. Frankly with all she does with her days I don't know how she managed to stay in it that long but she did and there's always next year! Way back at the beginning of this year's adventure she posted a meme I wanted to do so I marked it to come back to and just now got all the way back there.

1. Do you have a tattoo? No. I would really like one but I have both pain and commitment issues.
2. How old are you? 38 for a very short time longer.
3. Are you single or taken? Single but quite taken with myself.
4. Fish? To eat, sure, though preferably shellfish, but to do, not so much.
5. Do you dream in color? Yes.
6. Ever seen a corpse? Yes. Plenty of times. Not a fan of the open casket thank you.
7. Hipsters or Hillbillies? Hillbillies.
8. How did we meet? You were manning a PUPS table at the greenmarket and I stopped by to say hello to Kath.
9. What's your philosophy on life and death? Life is good but please be fully prepared for your death. Anything less is rude.
10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be? I'd ask you to go shopping with me to get an outfit that's far hipper than the rest of my closet.
11. Do you trust the police? Not much.
12. Do you like musicals? So very much yes!
13. What is your fondest memory of me? I loved how Queen of the Evening you were at your CHB anniversary party.
14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? My complete inability to forgive people who have wronged me.
15. Would you cheat ? Have. I'd like to say I wouldn't again and I really probably wouldn't but...well, never say never.
16. What are you wearing? Oh, I should have read through the meme before I jumped in, shouldn't I? Ankle socks, wool socks, leggings, tank top, old mock neck sweater with too short arms, granny panties. It's what I wore to dance class this morning (with jeans over for the ride there and back) and I haven't quite gotten over it at all.
17. Have you ever peed in a pool? Not that I recall. Rephrase this for other bodies of water, though and...
18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to? Depends on the severity of the crime. Sorry.
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? We don't know each other very well yet, it'd have to be pretty specialized circumstances if we spent your last day together. If we did, though, I can say for sure that we'd do whatever you wanted to do.
20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair? Short.
21. What's your favorite day of the week? Sunday.
22. What's your favorite color? Blue, especially cornflower and midnight.
23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be? Oh good lord this is impossible. Er, god, I can't bring myself to do it. The names that are winging through my mind are my grandfather, an old school friend who killed himself, Shakespeare, Chekhov, Martin Luther King, Jr., the Kennedy brothers, wow, there are no women on that list. Mrs. X. Yeah, if I have to choose just one I choose her. How soon can we make that happen?
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you? My hair is so cowlicky that my hair dresser talks about it almost constantly. She often can't cut my hair exactly the way she wants to because the cowlicks dictate otherwise.
25. What was your first impression of me? Very nice, super hip (but not disdainfully so like a lot of people I call hipster), smart, generous.
26. Have you ever done drugs? Couple of gentle inhales but, honestly, that's it.
27. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? Sure!

Thanks for helping me keep up with the NaBloPoMo, I needed the boost.

Julie Andrews Didn't Sing About These

Mrs. G is sponsoring a day of "Favorite Things" today. Mrs. G is a sweet and proper woman whose lists of favorite things have been nothing but appropriate for the whole family. When I asked, though, she said that my favorite things could be naughty. See how nice she is?

(If you don't want to talk about sex with me - or anyone - this is a post you should skip. If you're not sure and you don't skip it you can't blame me for any residual ick you may retain.)

Do you have a porn drawer? Some people call it a toy drawer or a secret drawer. Some people don't have a drawer because they feel the need to hide the contents somehow deeper when company comes to stay* so they have a box or a suitcase or something. I have a drawer and it's pretty close to full.

Mostly it's full of reading material. I'm a fan of these books edited by Susie Bright. Over the years they've gotten a little more hard core but generally there's always a few stories that...pique my interest.

I have been known to indulge in these books but they're hit or miss. I think I have Book X and it's good but Zelda and I have compared notes and some are not.

The Anais Nin books are, of course, gateway erotica. If you're a little bit interested in what I 'm talking about but this sort of thing makes you hinky (rather than horny; hinky = bad, horny = good) then this is where you should start. Really I probably ought to send you mine, I feel like I've grown out of them. Does that sound weird? It sounds weird to me but it is nonetheless true.

Back along Zelda had a professional discount on "adult items" and she gave me one of my favorite pieces in the drawer. The Rabbit is awesome. It's not subtle in any way but its a treat and you deserve it.

There's other stuff in the drawer but last but not least of the postable items is the Pocket Rocket. This was a a "heart" felt gift from an ex. The drawer really needs that boy back. If you're looking for subtle and delightful this is for you.

Ah, I love my drawer. And it loves me back.

*Here's my feeling about hiding this stuff. No, it shouldn't be out in plain sight because you never know who's coming over or who might steal the good stuff. However, all that hiding it is about is setting up a polite construct. It's not about creating your own personal closet Fort Knox. You want it to be somewhere that the casual visitor shouldn't be looking and can't accidentally stumble across. If they find it they have only themselves to blame and can't really bring it up because they shouldn't have been there in the first place. If they can't bring it up then they can't give you crap about it or change the way they treat you over it because they were the big old snoops and they made their own (naughty naughty) bed so they'll have to lie in it. (All of the above applies to keeping the stuff out of reach to adult visitors not children. Keeping it out of reach of children is a whole different ballgame.)

Start of the Season

As well you all know 2007 has been a stinker for the most part. For me it kicked off with Mrs. X's death on day three of the year and has been a veritable roller coaster of emotions. For you it may have been different. This week has been quite the charmer frankly what with having to figure out this surgery deal, my work computer going toes up with no notice and taking all of the information I use to actually do my job with it, having to justify my choices about the surgery to people who tried to manipulate me and the stupid time change.

However, this week and this year would have had to step it up considerably to be the worst ones of all time. (Note to Fate: this is not a challenge just an observation so there's nothing to see here, feel free to just move along).

Today marks the 6th anniversary of the kick off of the worst 6 month period to date. I got a phone call at work that my grandfather was very sick and that no one could reach my father. (Welcome to the downside of the world of a lineage of only children. It's like being third in line to the throne...sort of.) Before I could track my father down I got the second call and you can guess what that was. The second call is never, "Whoops! Sorry, he's feeling much better now, false alarm, as you were."

I don't know what my grandfather was like as a parent. I suspect he had his strengths and weaknesses because he was human after all. By the time I got to know him, though, he was one of those people who came across as simple, deeply good. The man was on the ethics committee of the state legislature, that's pretty good.

I'm finding it really hard this year to tell you anything about him. It's been a rough year on that side of the family and I don't know that he'd be too terribly proud of any of us. By god I miss him, though. I hadn't finished learning from his example yet.

I recently got scanning capability at work so I'll try to get a picture, they are after all, worth a thousand words. For now I'll just mark the day he left and say that it stinks.

It stinks.

Payday (not the candy bar)

One day many years ago I was gently browsing a B&N with a male friend. It was several years prior to the birth of his lovely daughters but also several years after he had decided that he wanted children and he wanted to stay at home and take care of them himself. It was midafternoon and we were on the second floor. There was a glass partition surrounding the escalator so that you could stand and watch people slowly creeping up to meet you. A young man, about 18 months of age, peeled off from his nanny in the middle of a less-than-riveting Thomas the Tank Engine and pressed his nose against the glass, fascinated by the shiny, moving steps. The nanny levered herself off the floor and not too aggressively but absolutely unwaveringly insisted that the boy sit down and finish the story with her. My friend became incensed. I could feel him quivering under his skin and he said, "I will stand with my kids and watch the escalator if they want to watch the escalator. That is what being a kid is about."

And now, I'm sure that is what he does.

A couple of days ago I started reading a collection of essays called Mommy Wars: Stay-At-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families. ProfDoc sent it to me in a package of books she thought I might be interested in. Don't worry, it's not that I've changed my stance on being a mom, it's just my continuous character research and interest in writing. One of the essays I read today, incidentally the one so far voted most likely to make my head explode, quotes a psychiatrist as saying, "The currency of love is time."

I immediately thought of my friend and I think it fits. It really is.

Think about all the ways that people have spent time on you and you on them lately. Has someone called you? Have they e-mailed you? Have you had dinner with someone? Did you attend someone's concert or play? Did you comment on a blog? Did you walk a dog? Did someone send you a postcard or forward you an article with relevance to you specifically? Did someone pick up dinner for you? Did you bake cookies for someone? Did you stick a post-it in someone's lunch or book a dentist appointment? Did someone stop when they saw you on the street to chat for a bit? Did someone check on you if you were sick? Did you send off a check-in text to someone with a particularly difficult task to complete?

The currency of love is time.

Time is something we don't have a lot of these days. Every instance someone spending even a little of it on you I think should noted as a privilege. Love isn't something that always gets paid back kopek for kopek, franc for franc, or minute for minute. Sometimes it really shouldn't be. It should, however, be appreciated when it is lavished on you in whatever increments.

The second person I thought of when I read that phrase was Mrs. X. ChemE and I first got to know her because of the value she put on time. She hired ChemE, and later me, to babysit her daughters so that she and Mr. X could have a weekly date. They rarely did anything far out of the norm, sometimes they'd just walk long the river in the park but every week they spent time together, just the two of them. For years and years after that ChemE and I made a point to visit her and whatever bits of her family we could corral every time we went home. This was a tradition long before she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Our particular joy was the time we spent at Christmas, despite it also being the busiest and most visit of the year for each of us. Sappy as it sounds the scant hours we carved out each holiday season to sit on her living room floor and laugh were both the cheapest and most expensive gifts we both gave and received. Every time we started the scheduling process Mrs. X would say, "Oh I know you girls are busy, you don't have to visit us if you can't fit it in. We'll see you next time." She knew the value of that time and she didn't require us to spend it on her but when we were there she enjoyed us fully and we her. By giving us the option she also helped us learn to value the time we gave and to prioritize accordingly.

This week a friend has spent time on both cooking and eating with me, friends have e-mailed me and commented on my blog, someone has forwarded me a very funny joke, a friend returned my call and listened to me rant and vent for an hour, a friend is sending me a package, my mother called and put me on the phone with Auntie Blanche. Right now a friend is thinking that she ought to be packing because very soon she'll be traveling a long way in part to spend time on me. This week alone it seems I have been very expensive, time-wise and for that I am supremely grateful. If I can't pay it back I promise I will pay it forward.

Feel free to share in the comments some way in which someone has spent time on you this week.

Ten Nostalgic TV Shows

Here are ten TV shows that I miss. They're probably all out on DVD. You should watch them. You know, if you'd like to become grafted to your couch like me.


Everwood
I suppose many people tuned in for the main story but for me it was all about 2 words, 1 guy and 1 great character arc: Bright Abbott.

Aaron Sorkin x 3 (SportsNight, West Wing - up to his departure after season 4, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip)
If you don't know how I feel about the man by now you need to spend some quality time with my archives. If you don't like the guy and you don't see what the big deal is then I ask you to watch SportsNight. Just watch. If you don't skim through the entire series and feel crushed when it's over then you're not human.

Joss Whedon x 3 (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly)
A male writer with a degree in women's studies who actually puts all his skills to work. He likes women so much he's even willing to indulge our inexplicable desire for the bad boys...to a point.

Dawson's Creek
I don't mean to keep calling your humanity into question but if you weren't in love for at least a moment with either Pacey or Joey then you might be part Vulcan.

Gilmore Girls
Amy Sherman-Palladino can pack more words and more pop culture references into 46 minutes than some writers pack into a whole season. She has to because she's got a lot to tell the world and all we can do is hope we can keep up. If that's not enough for you there's Lauren Graham who not only learned to keep up she taught us all her tricks along the way...and in 3 inch heels to boot.

Veronica Mars
It's not often that someone figures out a way to do something new on TV, I know. Rob Thomas looked at all the trends - crime process shows, mysteries, teen romance shows, long arc deep myth shows - and he combined them into one delicious cauldron of hot teens combatting the forces of evil with $20,000 state of the art listening devices. Edge of my seat, every week.

Joan of Arcadia
Here's another reason to visit the archives: if you don't know how suspicious I am of organized religion. Someone wrote a TV show about it. Then they occasionally dropped my beloved Mrs. Landingham from The West Wing in and when the execs canceled the show I almost wept.

Six Feet Under
It's possible that the series finale of this show is the best series finale ever broadcast. But it won't make any sense to you unless you watch the rest of the show.

Once & Again
I could have made this one of the "All shows by ____" entries. It's created by Marshall Herskowitz & Ed Zwick who also did My So Called Life, Thirtysomething, The Last Samurai among other things. I am a character driven viewer (also character driven in my acting, writing and daily life) and these men have made careers out of crafting brilliantly 3 dimensional characters who can withstand the necessary growth of a series. Then they cast truly stellar performers to bring those characters to life.

Oz
Not just because my boyfriend Lee Tergesen was on it, though that is a factor. Not just because my other boyfriend Dean Winters...or Harold Perrineau...or any of a number of other actors are on it. Because it took a small world and explored every blessed emotional inch of it with unflinching devotion. Also because the series finale left an opening for something more so that hard core fans will always be waiting to see if there's another episode in the pipeline. Bastards.

Visiting My Goals, like they were in jail or something

I cannot recommend enough the practice of regularly checking your to do lists. It seems daunting when you don't feel like you're accomplishing anything but I can almost guarantee that when you check out the list you'll see more progress than you feel.

It's harder to do than I make it sound.

For a couple of months now I've been trying to get myself to look at the original 107 in 2007 list but it's been too scary. I looked at it today, though, and it's not so bad. I'm doing OK. Not great maybe, not maybe halfway through the list, but putting in a good solid effort. So, I thought it would be nice to share and maybe hear back about how you all are doing with your goals for the year.

1. Get regular vocal coaching - this is in a whole new perspective now that Jay is dead. I'll need a plan B. It's both easier and harder to move on Plan B knowing that Jay is not an option.
2. Record full-length CD - I have got one more track down on this.
3. Scudder Memorial (Jan) - subbed Mrs. X's service for this and have spent time talking to Steph and Bud about the whole deal, so it's done and in as good a way as possible.
4. Finish DVD - DONE
5. Night Before Christmas for fam (make a book? buy them?) - I've been thinking about it a lot but I think I need to make some physical tests in order to make headway.
6. Memorize Night Before Christmas - this really shouldn't be as hard as it feels. I could get started on it soon.
7. Continue Floor Barre classes - All over this, trying for once a week and, barring travel, making them. I think I'm getting better, too.
8. Add another hour per week of exercise - certainly this is true with all the walking I'm doing for the activity points.
9. Teach at NSCC (April) - got canceled, not of my own accord. Sub in "Hold brunch at my house" and it's DONE.
10. See Red Molly in MA (April) - got canceled due to time and budgetary constraints with the wedding and the funeral and stuff. Sub in "Throw dinner party" and its also DONE.
11. Submit play to 20 places - I think I've done 1.
12. Book Shakespeare 20 places - I'm on the verge of 1.
13. Go on a date - heh. yeah. right. remind me to tell you about the one person at the reunion who felt the need to save me from my single status.
14. New Year at the steam pipes - obviously can't have done that yet. Still really looking forward to it and thinking about what sort of film I'll need to get good pics.
15. 2 field trips with Alita - We've been to the aquarium once, so that's good. I'm thinking maybe the museum next. Or the botanical gardens. Or both in one outing.
16. Write 6x/week on blog - I must be averaging this still. I'll definitely be hitting it with the new budgeting feature.
17. See Avenue Q - DONE!
18. Post-Thanksgiving Open House
19. Make 3 cross stitch bibs (Music Baby, ProfDoc kid, Miflohny baby) - 2 down one to go and I better freaking step on it, the kid enters the US a week from today!
20. Find director for Chekhov - I had a meeting with a potential director.
21. Reading of Chekhov
22. Full production of Chekhov
23. Sing live - technically done but in spirit I think I'd still like to keep working.
24. Hang pictures
25. Bathe dog once
26. Perform at Boerum Hill nursing home sing along - DONE! And I'd like to do it again.
27. Pick songs for nursing homes show - I've got 3 or 4 that are pretty right.
28. Learn songs for 27 - Almost there.
29. Book 5 nursing home shows
30. Lobsterbake (June) - DONE. My mouth waters just thinking about it.
31. Cook Christmas dinner
32. Do stockings for Christmas
33. Polish up 3 short stories - I've done a second draft of one and sent it to Wayfarer for more comments.
34. 20 short story submissions
35. Go to Met Museum
36. See an opera
37. Go to MoMA
38. Go to Frick
39. Buy back-up hard drive - DONE (thanks to Mr. Chili)
40. Get back-up hard drive installed - DONE (see above for the thanks)
41. Install Final Draft
42. Learn how to use Final Draft
43. Eat 3 servings of fruits & veggies/day - I don't have proof positive but with the whole weight loss thing this is happening for the most part.
44. Finish work filing - DONE god bless it.
45. Re-do work files
46. Keep work files current
47. Donate mattress & box spring - DONE, donated 'em to Pony Express' guest bedroom.
48. Clean out closets
49. Set up home filing system
50. Gyn appointment
51. Dentist appointment
52. Buy scanner
53. Scan family photos
54. Pay Kath & Alex back for Emily care - Am I done here? Sort of.
55. Auntie Blanche's birthday
56. Trip to beach - technically done on Aquarium day but I want to go by myself before summer is out.
57. Art work for CD - DONE (thanks to Alex & Kath)
58. Post photos to Flickr - I'm doing this, it's fun, I'm doing a lot more with all kinds of photography.
59. Invest 1/2 savings - see previous enry about how I'm sort of accidentally spending it instead. HATE.
60. See accountant in person - DONE
61. Re-work investments to maximize return
62. Sort out IRA contribution
63. NaBloPoMo
64. Brooklyn Museum - DONE
65. See Coast of Utopia - not an option anymore, sub in "Go to 20th HS reunion" and call it DONE.
66. Update address book - er, did I really put this on the list. Yick.
67. Make Christmas cards
68. Take more photos - Doing it every day, baby, so happy.
69. Go to one Share the Wealth Brunch - DONE
70. Read classic/good-for-me books - Done? Sort of. Read some more Dunnet, read American Psycho which is a modern classic and deserves its own entry.
71. Plan birthday celebration
72. Go to Aquarium - DONE and it was awesome.
73. Set automatic payments for health insurance - I'd like to make this a priority.
74. Bring lunch 3 days/week - Not this week but most weeks I'm very good with this, especially since the weight watchers. It's become a habit.
75. Give SG1 back to Ulserad - DONE, FINALLY, and, predictably he wasn't even ticked, he just laughed.
76. Get photos framed
77. Eye exam - DONE
78. New lenses - DONE and new frames too, hey that's where a bunch more money went, aha!
79. Contact lenses
80. Make out will
81. Inquire about grave plot
82. Renew passport - I got the forms for it and I got some for Pony Express and Teddy's Girl, too.
83. Submit for print audition
84. Submit for commercial audition
85. Write Rena once/month - Not doing so great lately but can start over
86. Write Auntie Blanche once/month - See above, I have sprung her from the home for at least one meal every time I've been home, though.
87. Cook once/month - I'm sure I'm doing this, though no proof is available. It's almost impossible not to with the weight loss program.
88. Go to Cyclones game
89. Take all vacation days - 6 down (plus my roll overs from last year) 10 to go!
90. Make new cookbook pages
91. God's Love for Thanksgiving
92. Solve eletric meter problem
93. Write to The Athlete - DONE, a couple of times even, will do more.
94. Write something 15 minutes/day - I go in and out on this but I'm working on it.
95. Send Christmas thank you notes
96. Read This Is Not Over once/week - This site is now defunct so its not happening. Sub "Attend Father's wedding" and it's DONE.
97. Drink 64 oz. water minimum/day - Totally a habit.
98. Buy rings from Yelle - Sub buy from Queen Bee and I've MORE than accomplished this.
99. Get painting fixed - I've tried, don't think it's going to be possible. Pissed.
100. Vocal warm-up 5 days/week
101. Physical warm-up 5 days/week
102. Daily vitamin - I stopped doing this because it was stopping me up.
103. Pay extra mortgage payment
104. Pay off loan from Mom - DONE!
105. Get massage - DONE!
106. Get facial
107. Buy cocktail dress that fits - DONE maybe a couple of times over what with the reunion and the wedding and the weight loss.

Totals
All done: 28
Habits in place (separate from All done): 11
Not done but progress has been made: 18

Like I said, it's not half but it's good progress. I don't feel like a slacker now. Though I do feel like I've got a ton of shit to do, what am I doing sitting on my tuckus watching TV right now?

Sing out, Louise!

In case it hasn't been clear, mom's Old Man Friend, Jake, died a week ago yesterday. Within a 48 hour period mom's current "companion" of over 20 years died and her ex got married. If you're a vibey, prayery sort of a person feel free to vibe my mom with something good 'cause holy jeebus she's having a shitty week.

There's a lot more to it but we're not going into it tonight. Tonight I tell you the story mom told me yesterday.

She was at Jake's house on the day she describes as being the first night she slept alone there even though she'd spent a couple of nights alone there since he'd been in the hospital. She stepped out the door to throw some garbage away or something and she noticed a woman she'd never seen before walking her dog along the rural byway. Mom blurted out, "Jake's dead." Just thinking about her standing there with her sad little bag of garbage looking for someone to tell makes me so sad. Poor mommy.

She'd never even seen this woman before, there's no reason to believe that this woman would know who in blue hell Jake was but mom just let her know. Which is a little weird but would be a ton weirder if it weren't my mom.

Turns out that this woman was a professor at a local college and used to teach a course on death and dying. Talk about an ask and ye shall receive situation. Don't even have to ask, just go about your business and someone will send help. She spent a little time with mom and recommended a grief group and told her about a tool to use. She suggested mom write a letter to Jake to put in his casket.

Fucking brilliant.

I don't know that I'd have a lot to say to Jake but I sure wish someone had told me that before Mrs. X had died. And my grandmothers. And my grandfather. And my cat.

I don't know if mom finally finished her letter but I think she did. Now the funeral is over and the calling hours and the illness and the hospital stay.

In other words now the real hard part begins.

I cooked!

I think I'm doing OK with the 107 in 2007.

#3 turned into going to Mrs. X's memorial but it was accomplished. You can really only be in one place at one time.

#7 I went back 2 weeks ago. I'd forgotten that I left my last class in Dec citing illness. The teacher thought I'd been laid up all this time. Apparently the one thing I needed to make me love Floor Barre was that shitty yoga class.

#8 Thanks to Kath's suggestion I think it's possible that I'll get this by using FitTV. I'm working on it and that's all I can promise.

#23 I have technically accomplished by singing at the nursing home a few weeks ago but I think I'm not going to cross it off until I've done a public venue gig. Because...

#26 was the nursing home thing. Totally crossed off but totally going to do it again.

#43 is all about what you buy and about cooking. I'm doing really pretty good. I might even being going so far as getting 4 a day. It also helps that Kath keeps inviting me to dinner and she always serves at least 2 veggies.

#64 Done! Loved it. Will go back again now that I feel comfortable getting there and all.

#69 Done and thank goodness. It was much rougher than usual and the crowd was odd. I felt very out of place and it was a lot different than it's been before. It felt, and I hate to say this because it sounds crazy, less genuine.

#71 Done and fun. Champagne and friends and cake!

#74 Like the veggies it's going well. And I've rarely spent money on my lunch since I've been treated a few times or scavenged from meeting lunches. This week I'm buying lunch twice but I'm still pretty sure my average is bringing lunch 3 times a week or at least not paying for lunch 3 times a week.

#85 & 86 I got in under the wire for January so I'm on track.

#87 I did it almost accidentally last Sunday. Crockpotted some chicken in a jar of Korma sauce I had and did up some more brussels sprouts then sauteed some broccoli too. Oh, OK, and I made pudding. YUM!

#105 My first massage is scheduled for today.

How are you doing on your plans for this year?