Tuesday, September 21, 2004


These 2 things happened ages ago. I've known about them the whole time. Yet somehow I just noticed that they have certain similarities.

For many reasons my family on my dad's side is very inclusive. So throughout my parents' slow tearing off of the band aid of marriage (it's not quite off but signs point to a possible end) my mother has always been invited to everything; Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, funerals, weddings. My parents started the slow burn when I was around 12 (possibly earlier but actions were taken around my 12th year) and mom tells me that at a family gathering (Christmas I believe) some time after that my grandfather apologized to her. An acknowledgement of the failing of his line I think. I picture it as one of those quiet moments, maybe when mom and I were going one way and dad another with separate bags full of presents in separate cars and when Robbie was hugging my mother goodbye he looked at her and said, "I'm sorry."

A few years later I got a boyfriend, JMaster. Many years later we broke up. It was all civil and pleasant and be the bigger person. I learned well from my parents. Then something happened (whole. other. entry.) that gave me the opportunity to sever ties with the JMaster completely. At some point I was on the phone with my dad and we were talking and I explained that ties had been severed, phone numbers had been erased, photographs has been put in a box and shut in the back of the closet. Many phone calls later my dad asked again about JMaster and I had to re-explain and I probably got a little uppity about it. My father's response was, "He was my friend too." My reaction to that gem was to be pleasant and accomodating and see his side of it and feel bad for my dad. This was almost a decade ago now. Last week this little nugget came up in a conversation with my friend, PonyExpress. She was horrified. I never thought of it like that. But she's right, it's pretty horrifying that my father would give me a tough time about screwing up his friendship with some guy.

OK, now that I write them down I realize that similarities might not have been the right word to use. But there's something about them that speaks in the same voice. The echo of your relationships on other people.

I was recently hanging out with the girl half of one of those couples that you can just see being together in a hundred years. She was frustrated at the boy half and discouraged and she said so. All of a sudden I wanted to get the hell out of there, I didn't want to be talking to her any more and I had no blood in my tongue, could absolutely not get a word out for her. Last night I passed both halves attached at the elbows smiling and chatting and walking down the street and it was like some little knot of tension in me slid out. I learned so well from my parents.

No comments:

Post a Comment