Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Gotta do what you gotta do

I wrote the bulk of this post a couple of days ago but kept coming up with reasons not to post it yet. Did I word it right? Had I said everything I wanted to say? Was I being too much of a downer too often? Turns out the universe wanted me to read a couple of other posts on the subject. Bitch PhD happens to have written twice in the past week on the subject of anonymyity in blogging and the rights and responsibilities therein. She makes good points, not all of them support me, but most of them do. You'd be well served to read her posts before you read the rest of mine.

Somehow I didn't think I would have to write this post. I've been reading blogs for a few years now and it seems as though everyone has to write this post. I don't know why I thought I'd be exempt. Perhaps I thought my friends were...different. Perhaps I thought my writing wouldn't be worthy. It doesn't matter. It's become necessary so here it is.

Short version:
This is my space, my thoughts, my feelings. You don't have to read them. If you're upset by something you read here, or you don't agree or you're just plain bored you can go elsewhere. They don't call it the WORLD WIDE Web for nothing. There's plenty of other amusing stuff out there, don't let me slow you down.

Long version:
My dad doesn't read this site. I told him about it. A couple of times actually, usually when there was something specific in it that I thought he'd enjoy. The last time we talked about it something made me add a warning. I told him, in a nicer, more roundabout way, that if he didn't like what he saw then he should keep quiet about it. A few weeks later when the blog came up he mentioned that he doesn't read because he's afraid (essentially) of what he'll read.

This is OK with me. We both know where we stand and that's fine. I don't feel the need to censor myself to protect him and he doesn't need to feel awkward.

I do, however, wish I'd phrased it in a way that was more...well, a way that suggested more of an open door policy. I don't want him to just sit down and shut up, and I'd hope that he might learn something about what I think and feel from reading the blog.

Because that's what this blog is, a place for an individual's opinions, ideas and feelings to be shared. One's own little corner of the interweb to say what's pertinent to one's own mind and heart.

Back in the day when JAMaster and I went to weddings together we had a mantra, "It's not about me, it's not about me, it's not about me." Things get tense at a wedding, it's just the way of the world, and if you're not the bride or groom then you just need to roll with the punches and remember, "It's not about me."

The wedding mantra can be easily transferred to the blogosphere. While it's not my intention to hurt anyone's feelings or to offend anyone's sensibilities or to out anyone's inner secrets if you think you see yourself here, even a part of yourself, or an account of an event you attended, whatever I'm saying about those things is not, at the core, about you.

Here's a little guideline you can use if you're still not clear about what I'm saying. If you're reading something that hurts or offends or unnerves you then ask yourself this question, "What does this tell me about how Kizz feels and thinks?" Because that's why it's here, that's what it's about, (say it with me) it's not about you.

I'll give you that there's a line to be walked. All I can promise is that I'm trying to walk it. I'm trying not to censor myself while respecting the boundaries and feelings of the people in my life. Sometimes I'm going to do it well and sometimes not so much. I'll try to preserve a certain amount of anonymity regardless.

The entry from a few days ago about my unnerving subway experience is a good example of what usually makes the cut here. Something happened to me that I couldn't get out of my head. Pre-blog it would have been stuck in my head and I'd have been waiting for an unsuspecting conversation with someone to bring it out. Now, with the blog, I can set it down, and feed it into the interweb and know that someone, at some point, will read it, it's not stuck inside me and it's not forced on anyone else. It is, for me, the perfect solution.

If it's not the perfect solution for you I can understand that. I certainly hope to foster dialogue but I can't turn myself into an Aesop's Fable (the one about the father, the son and the donkey where everyone knows what's best for them and they realize they have to make their own decision).

So, if you're down with the mantra (as the kids say) and you're enjoying yourself then welcome and thank you for reading. If you can't make peace with my point of view, either due to my writing or your reading, then it's best that you move along. I hope you find something that suits you better, thanks for trying 117 Hudson.


  1. BRAVO, Girlfriend!!!

    I've been yelling at you in capital letters for quite some time now; THIS IS YOUR SPACE!! We're just along for the ride and are welcome to get off at any time. We're all (I would hope) grown-ups and are capable (I would hope) of knowing when we've had enough. It is NOT your job to decide that for us, so quit stressing about it.

    I've been loving the ride so far, though I reserve my right to respectfully disagree with you or to engage you in conversation about things that you've said that intrigue me (or to make wise-ass comments about stuff), because that's also how I understand spacees like this to work. Right?

    I look forward to new posts - you've become part of my web-routine. Keep it up.

  2. I share your pain as well. My Father read my blog Flaccid Penis and he about died.
    He has no read between the lines creativity.
    And in my attempt to share one of my nice blogs with a boy I was dating once... I also gave him access to my not so nice blogs about him.
    I am not about to ever, ever try and defend my writer voice.
    Its not that it’s so different from my everyday voice... its just that my writer voice has NO boundaries. No tact. Grace and dignity be damned.
    Blog away Sister!
    By the way, do you have a flag for your space here?
    It’s the first step as to claiming your actual space... all the other countries are doing it... its a charming custom really.
    And when you are through charging and pillaging over the top of the freaks who want to verbally challenge you about that... a flag looks nice planted in their fat ass.