Saturday, January 28, 2006

This one's for Jennifer Aniston

The last couple of months ought to be more than enough to prove that just because she's a celebrity doesn't mean she's any different than the rest of us. I wish her luck.

My Old Boyfriend's New Girlfriend

By Deirdre Flint

She looks good in black
She looks good in white
She looks good in lycra or anything tight
She looks good in earth tones
She looks good in red
I think she’d look really good with a spike through her head

She’s my old boyfriend’s new girlfriend
Knows tai chi and her legs are waxed
She’s my old boyfriend’s new girlfriend
I got a funny feeling he won’t be coming back

Well when I first saw them together I was more than surprised
She stood 5 foot 8, blonde hair and blue eyes
I said it figured that he’d rebound with a bimbo after me
They said she’s Harvard educated in biotechnology

Well Ok so she can add and she looks good in a skirt
Bet she’s a selfish little princess who treats him like dirt
They said she just bought him a Volvo, she cooks, she cleans
She spent 2 years digging ditches with the peace corps in Benine

Well OK I’ll give her that but I bet their love life is flat
They said she knows the Karma Sutra like the back of her hand
I said now playing the guitar now there’s something I know she can’t do
I heard someone say, your right but frankly neither can you

She’s my old boyfriend’s new girlfriend
Knows her way ‘round the Red Sox stats
She’s my old boyfriend’s new girlfriend
And female intuition tells me he won’t be coming back

When I dumped his butt a month ago he was supposed to pine away
Well he’s looking pretty healthy in fact each time I see him he gets better looking every day
Whoa ho ho ho yeah

She’s my old boyfriend’s new girlfriend
There’s no hope with a girl like that
She’s my old boyfriend’s new girlfriend
And would you like to bet that he won’t be coming back

Yeah she can parallel park without any hassle
She feng shuied the whole Hearst castle
She runs a 10K in thirty oh five
And all her Shroediger’s cats survive
She stopped a civil war in an Eastern bloc nation
She found a 4th planet in the Virgo constellation
On her lunch break
With a magnifying glass


  1. It's bad enough to have to endure the end of a marriage. I can't imagine having to endure the end of a marriage so utterly publicly. I may not really care one way or the other what "celebrities" do with their lives, but I do have sympathy for them when their private lives become so nakedly public.

    There should be a line between the public persona and the private life. I know that's asking too much, but it doesn't stop me from thinking it should be so.

  2. As crappy as watching your ex having a baby with some chick he, essentially, just met is, I can't help feeling that the baby is at least moving the spotlight even slightly off Ms. Aniston. She's not completely out of it but I'm hoping she's in tiny bit more comfortable place.