Saturday, June 30, 2007

Gotta be Me

I have a little problem. (So many.)

I have trouble responding appropriately when people announce their impending (or, as often happens to me, recent) marriages. I know that most people are very excited and they want a hearty "Congratulations!" or "Oh my god, that's so awesome you're going to be so happy!" or for me to pull out my enormous wedding scrapbook but...I just can't.

Considering how much money my family has spent to make me a great actress it's unforgivable that I can't fake it.

Here's the thing, isn't expecting to have all this hoopla over getting married like having a huge party on the first day of a job? I'm all about a special dinner or buying yourself a little gift to celebrate getting your dream job and all but...

OK, this is going to sound bad but you've got to be used to that from me by now. Sometimes marriage turns out really well. Sometimes not so much. Sometimes it's both. I would like to be able to treat a marriage announcement similarly to finding a lump in your breast. I'd like to take a wait and see attitude. "OK, when's the procedure?" "Keep me posted." "What can I do to help?" Say on your 5th anniversary I'll send a gift because that seems like enough time to tell whether things are going well, don't you think? By then it'll be clear if it's OK to buy you the chainsaw you registered for or whether, say, pillows are more appropriate. Or duct tape.

Did you feel that breeze? That was hundreds of scrapbook pages being turned so their owners could cross me off the Engagement Announcement Phone Tree.


  1. So for me (and you know I am married so you can discount my opinion if you wish), the "I am dating someone new and it's going really well" anouncement is the one that's analogous to the breast lump. I figure that, for my *friends* anyway (Jason Alexander and Britney are a completely different story), by the time they're announcing an engagement, or a wedding, they've had the biopsy, talked to a specialist, gotten a second opinion, perhaps had a lumpectomy, and have a clean bill of health. Or at least that's what I am hoping anyway...

  2. Clearly your friends are much more grown up than mine. :)

    Sure, sometimes it looks like a good idea but more often than not one has no idea whatsoever.

  3. bleagh.
    that's the sound Snoopy makes when he is spitting something out of his mouth, or just has had it with life.
    That's my comment on marriage, on THAT marriage, on all of it.

  4. Best wishes to the Bride remember.
    Congratulations to the Groom.
    Straight from the mouth of Emily Gilmore!

    Although Zelda's Snoopy comment warrents consideration as well.