Thursday, February 28, 2008

In Context

So I watched a short version of the Colin Farrell sex tape.*

I know, what was I thinking, right? And how creepy is it to say, watch an actor announce an award or do an interview, and be able to think, "Huh, you can't even tell his penis is all wacky upcurved when he's wearing pants."

Anyway, it got me to thinking that there are some things that happen when 2 (or more) people are naked that just don't translate to, er, the performance arena. OK, SPOILER ALERT, there's a part where he's getting his licks in, so to speak (btw, he even looks like he gives good head), and he's looking her in the eye (major points for that) and he says, "Oh yeah, here it is, breakfast, lunch and dinner all right here."

I'm going to give you a minute to finish giggling.

Take your time.

Ridiculous, right? I know!

Take a moment, though, to close your eyes and put yourself in this girl's place. (Guys, just try it, I'm sure Colin could do right by you, too, he's nothing if not versatile.) Now look right into those beautiful eyes and hear him sing those praises to you. Don't forget to use the Irish accent.

Kind of strangely hot, no?

I know. It's all about the context. This, my friends, is why homemade sex tapes should be largely silent. Unless you're, well, cooking the meal let's say, that stuff just sounds ridiculous. Keep that in mind next time a celebrity asks you to get naked in front of the handicam.

*I'm not going to link to it here. There seem to be a lot of versions out there and I'm not video savvy enough (or freaking patient enough) to find the definitive one. Googling the basic terms will get you the goods.


  1. Oh Bugger, I think I've just come.

  2. I can't find any links to any videos. What's wrong with me?


    4th choice down is a message board with a link to the full length (so to speak) version. I am at work. I have not clicked the link.

  4. I'm a whore and really want to watch the video, though I'm a bit nervous the spammers will enter my laptop and screw it. (Oh, yes, pun so intended.)

    Is it worth it?

  5. Sorry, Kizz, but I'd much prefer to be Colin Farrell than the girl in that scenario, because that's just good stuff! I can do the Irish accent, too (as well as several others). Whew knew all those languages had a practical use in the bedroom?

    And say it true, now: You wouldn't keep anything in mind if Colin Farrell asked you to get naked in front of a handicam! Your hands would have moved to the buttons on their own. : ]

  6. Snob, it's worth it. I don't think anyone is going to come crawling into your computer after you for it. Most of what I saw was sort of cheesy and odd but there was at least one moment where I thought, "Wow, he probably is as good as the rumors claim."

    Wayfarer, I'm sure you would PREFER to replace him but for the purposes of my example I needed you to switch hit. Dude, if CF gave me the nod and the wink for a buck naked picture party I'd have a cinematographer on the phone so fast your head would spin! I'm pretty sure he could ask me to just about anything and I'd agree.

  7. Anonymous7:48 AM

    Who is Colin Farrell?