Can't Fight This Feeling

Here I am begging for advice again.

I did something stupid at work. It's not really important what but I made one relatively big (but resolved) mistake in scheduling and it's possible that I made another one as well. I apologized for the for-sure one and we're better but it's a recurring (though infrequent) problem for me with this boss. I won't find out until tomorrow if I made the second mistake and it's killing me. I'm embarrassed and afraid and having all this panic/fight or flight response of the kind where you need to pinch yourself to get your brain out of it and that is making it hard for me to do anything here at home since I'm expending all this energy kicking myself.

I'm having some success with looking at the worst case scenarios like being yelled at or being sanctioned or even being fired (all pretty unlikely). I mean, none of those things is the end of the world. Some are scary as all get out but not world ending. It also helps to remember that there are other people with far worse challenges today than being an idiot. And yet, I fear I'm going to have trouble sleeping, despite being so tired I could sleep for 3 days, and I can't escape the dread over finding out whether I made 2 mistakes or just the one.

How do you guys deal with that? If you're a boss how do you deal with employees who make multiple mistakes like this? Is it completely unrealistic for me to be thinking of running away to join the circus?

In other news I called the vet to check on Pickles and she's doing OK. A tech took her home to watch over her last night and she did well. There was some vomiting but that could be simply because she was starving and probably gorged herself when she was finally fed. She's too young to be tested for FIV and FELV so that's a wait and see thing. Kath is looking into adopting her but there are still some hoops to be jumped before that's decided. We have the OK to visit her, though, so no matter what happens I can probably go take some pics of her.

When I got home last night I found that my cats had broken a glass and somehow sprayed the tiniest bits over the entire living room. I have spent hours on my hands and knees trying to get the shards policed but I know I'll be finding that shit for months. I tell you, they're pretty good at justifying my decision not to keep a third cat, huh?

Re: the second bullet point here should I shoot the guy an e-mail? I'm nerdy and bookish and I have on occasion been classified as cute.

I'm feeling a little beaten tonight. Too much emotion, too much of that which is fucked up, too little space for transitioning and I need space.