Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Can't Fight This Feeling

Here I am begging for advice again.

I did something stupid at work. It's not really important what but I made one relatively big (but resolved) mistake in scheduling and it's possible that I made another one as well. I apologized for the for-sure one and we're better but it's a recurring (though infrequent) problem for me with this boss. I won't find out until tomorrow if I made the second mistake and it's killing me. I'm embarrassed and afraid and having all this panic/fight or flight response of the kind where you need to pinch yourself to get your brain out of it and that is making it hard for me to do anything here at home since I'm expending all this energy kicking myself.

I'm having some success with looking at the worst case scenarios like being yelled at or being sanctioned or even being fired (all pretty unlikely). I mean, none of those things is the end of the world. Some are scary as all get out but not world ending. It also helps to remember that there are other people with far worse challenges today than being an idiot. And yet, I fear I'm going to have trouble sleeping, despite being so tired I could sleep for 3 days, and I can't escape the dread over finding out whether I made 2 mistakes or just the one.

How do you guys deal with that? If you're a boss how do you deal with employees who make multiple mistakes like this? Is it completely unrealistic for me to be thinking of running away to join the circus?

In other news I called the vet to check on Pickles and she's doing OK. A tech took her home to watch over her last night and she did well. There was some vomiting but that could be simply because she was starving and probably gorged herself when she was finally fed. She's too young to be tested for FIV and FELV so that's a wait and see thing. Kath is looking into adopting her but there are still some hoops to be jumped before that's decided. We have the OK to visit her, though, so no matter what happens I can probably go take some pics of her.

When I got home last night I found that my cats had broken a glass and somehow sprayed the tiniest bits over the entire living room. I have spent hours on my hands and knees trying to get the shards policed but I know I'll be finding that shit for months. I tell you, they're pretty good at justifying my decision not to keep a third cat, huh?

Re: the second bullet point here should I shoot the guy an e-mail? I'm nerdy and bookish and I have on occasion been classified as cute.

I'm feeling a little beaten tonight. Too much emotion, too much of that which is fucked up, too little space for transitioning and I need space.


  1. wait, are you serious about sending the guy an email, sight unseen? I'd say no, based on the premise that men should have the initial interest. It just goes better that way in my experience. I'd like to see what others say.

    As for the work stuff, don't beat yourself up for it. Not worth it. It's work. Take it as a learning lesson.

    Be up front with whatever happened. It's the best way. Take a positive 'I'd like to solve this problem' approach so it can be a conversation you initiate, rather than a problem someone else needs to deal with.

    I know the economy makes everyone shaky but truthfully, good people are hard to find. If you are dedicated and you care about what you're doing (as it sounds you are) then you're valuable.

    My solution for shards of glass - slowly and carefully mopping up the site with a damp towel.

  2. work...i think you are fine. people are people, not perfect. you are a great employee that stands on it's own. if you get your ass chewed, well ok. you can deal with that. you are from NH for craps sake, you can look directly at the sun!! It will be fine. You have probably put yourself thru more than you will probably get..but if not...i think you will be ok. You can handle it. it sucks. But you are stronger than sucks.
    and I would totally shoot off an email to the second bullet.

    leap...and the net will appear.

    or some shit like that.

    i heart you and all that is you!

  3. Shoot off the email... if for no other reason than to take your mind off work...

  4. Anonymous5:50 AM

    I'm with Kitty on the work thing. I will add that if I were your boss, I would try to find out if you had a bad day or if there is something bigger going on.
    Email the boy.

  5. I'm here to back up what (nearly) everyone else has said (just call me a Pip!). You said yourself that the worst case scenario at work won't be tragic. Zelda's right - everyone makes mistakes - and Auntie's right - everyone has bad days. Hopefully, your boss is enlightened enough to recognize that s/he's not perfect, either.

    I say email the boy. Use the isabeau email address and stay anonymous for a while. Do you know where he works? Can you do a little clandestine stalking?

    I love you, you know.

  6. Kizz my friend, everyone makes mistakes. Rarely, if ever, are the consequences as bad as we think they're going to be.

    EMAIL HIM! You are not cute,'re HOT.

  7. OH MY GOD, Grammar Snob wins. You are Totally Hot. . . I suck for not pointing that out first thing. It's a brand new day sister. Grab a maypole and dance a little. Sending you fresh thoughts at work today. xoxoxo

  8. You've isolated the worst case scenarios, now you've just gotta grin and bear it, I guess. Oh, but I hate that feeling of knowing you screwed up, though. {hugs}

    And email the dude! What could it hurt? :)

  9. I will agonize over mistakes I make as well. I cannot stand to have an unresolved issue hanging over me, so I can empathize with you. I would just confront it to get done with whatever "it" happens to be.

  10. Better late than never:

    I think the best approach to mistakes made - and possibly made - is to be totally up front about it. This would include being preemptive about correcting (or at least verifying the existence of) the second mistake.

    In re: the dude. Go for it. If anything, you'll make his day. If you DON'T make his day, he's not really a dude.

  11. Kitty, he's a properly published author as well as a middling well-known blogger so I'm pretty sure he's not an axe murderer and in the unlikely event that he wants to meet I promise to do it in a public place. I have been mopping the floor with wet paper towels. I think that some shards slide under furniture and then work themselves out later. It's just EVIL!

    I don't think I can do any stalking. I'm not even sure he's single. I'm crafting my e-mail now, though.

    Thanks for being so strongly behind me!