Wanting

I wrote this in a moment of stream of consciousness a couple of months ago and keep meaning to post it. I think it still holds up.

I want APOLOGIES!!! Great, fat apologies for every single moment of bad behavior. I want to be Lymond. I want to wander the earth making it better and making people pay for the indignities they inflict on others. I want to be smart and capable enough to do that. I want to own a real hammer. I want to go to Africa and help Jen Lemen. I could, I suppose, do that. I want to run away, or more accurately drive away. Road trip to nowhere, sitting on a curb watching the world go by while the sun beats down on me. I want to sit on a beach without fear. I want to see Crash and have him see me and want me and then I want to walk away. I want to be thin and I want that to be easy. I want to write a blog post of I wants. I want to continue writing mean things on the internet about everyone who has ever wronged me. I want to have a beer with MB and his parents. I want that not to be a bad idea. I want to go to the Middle East and visit friends just because it's a good/cheaper way to see that part of the world. I don't want to be all worried about whether or not that would be using them. IT WOULD. End of story. But I still want to do it. I want to stand on stage and tell my story and fuck everyone else. I want to scream YOU'RE STUPID! at everyone who didn't "get" my Alice Sits piece.

And then my time was up.

Try it sometime. Set a time limit don't take your pen off the paper and just fill in the blank: I want ______. You may be surprised by what comes out of you.