Thursday, August 28, 2008

Down And A Little To The Left

Today I had to admit to Kath that I had a plan to kidnap her dog. I was going to put him right back, I promise! I just needed to take him to my house and lay on the couch with him and possibly rub my feet along his flanks for a time. Not in a creepy way. Well, not very creepy at any rate.

It was then that I realized what my thing is. I don't have the baby thing, you know the thing where people (mostly women) just have to see and touch and hold any baby that crosses their path? Don't get me wrong I like babies well enough and kids, that much should be clear if you've hung around here for any length of time. I like to hold them but I'm not going to snatch them from someone's hands or make snarky comments about you "hogging the baby". I am simply not compelled by them as a ... what would you call it ... genre maybe?

It turns out that my thing is dogs. I have a really hard time keeping my hands off other people's dogs. I want to snuggle them and walk them and play with them and feed them illicit treats and invite them up on the furniture and smell their stinky paws. If I see you on the street with your dog I will be compelled to come scritch said dog thoroughly. I will do all manner of things to make your dog like me better. Better than you, better than your spouse, better than the cat, the neighbor or anyone else I can get the jump on. I may not be successful but I will always be trying. I am obsessed with the dogs, I am in love with (almost) all of them.

If you want to leave your baby with me it's perfectly safe I'll take good care of him or her and won't get too attached. You might want to find someone else to sit with your dog, though, because I might cry when you take her home with you.


  1. woof.
    i want one.
    have been talking myself out of going to the pound for about two months now.

  2. Zelda, read this:

    I had no idea you were crushing on Bob. His stinky paws are yours to smell anytime!

  3. Almost every time I see a dog I go, "Oooh, doggie!"