Tuesday, January 27, 2009

10 Questionable Things

If it's true that we shouldn't be looking for answers but trying to ask the right questions then I figure the more questions we ask the more likely we are to hit on the right ones.

1. Why does Creme Anglais sound so fancy but English Cream just sounds dirty?

2. I asked this of Facebook yesterday but I think it still applies. If, hypothetically, you were being impeached from your big fancy political job in a very windy state would you attend the proceedings or would you fly to New York and talk to Regis & Kelly about hair products? (I have since learned that there is a certain precariously positioned yet impeccably coiffed governor whose staff carries his hair brush around in a special case and refers to it as "The Football." Yes, like the nuclear launch codes. No, I'm not kidding.)

3. Who invented liquid soap and why?

4. Why has my dog been starving herself for months? She'll eat a certain, very small, amount of food out of her dish and then she'll eat almost twice that amount but only if you feed it to her 2-3 pieces at a time by hand. I don't think it's neck pain because she's contorting herself to do other stuff. I don't think it's other pain (legs, teeth) because she'll still eat the kibble. Perhaps she's simply starved for attention. (Aaaaand, as soon as I wrote that this theory got blown out of the water because she turned up her nose [literally] at kibble from my loving fingers so I'm going to have to assume that it's not zebras she's just not hungry.)

5. How come I got out of bed at the same time today as yesterday, took the same shower, applied the same fancy body creme, put on the same robe, used the same deodorant and wound up getting out of the bathroom almost 10 minutes later than yesterday?

6. How come yodeling is so deliciously funny even when it's being lip synced?

7. How come a lot of people don't understand that the clock on the next terrorist attack on US soil started somewhere around 11am on September 11, 2001 not 2 days ago when the wheels were set in motion to close Guantanamo Bay? You guys know it takes a long time to plan one of these things, right? 1993 - 2001? Long time, and they didn't even have to change targets. Now they'll have to change targets, even if it's only another spot in the same city.

8. How come my DVR keeps changing how it does things? Used to be that when you turned it on it was on the same channel you'd left when last you turned it off. Now it always turns on to channel 1. Still, if you changed the channel and were on, say, channel 12 when you started watching a recorded show it'd still be on channel 12 when you stopped watching the recorded show. Now it's back to channel 1 OR, inexplicably, onto a channel that you're recording something else on. I didn't change any settings, to my knowledge. I am confused.

9. Why did I insert a sort of heavy, controversial item (see #7) into a generally light, funny meme? I'm never going to get a ROFL award this way!

10. Is there anything you'd like to ask me? That's what the comments section is for.


  1. You want dirty? How about "clotted cream"? Who EATS that stuff, anyway?

    The time thing always frustrates me, too. It's getting more fun now that there's a pre-teen girl in the house.

    I've had it with the people who are claiming that closing Gitmo = new terrorist attack. I've stopped listening to them.

    I don't think yodeling is particularly funny. I guess I just never "got" it.

    Why am I having such a terrible time composing Ten Random Things?

  2. My mother eats that stuff. Loves it. Doesn't sound dirty to me, just sounds spoiled and stinky.

    Oh man for years I've found yodeling the most hilarious thing on the planet. Get hold of a sample from the woman who "yodels the classics" and I think you'll see where I'm coming from.

    Probably you need a little structure. Try finding a form (perhaps everything should be a question) and it'll give you function.

  3. I want to know why they canceled Pushing Daisies.

  4. Because since the strike the business end of TV doesn't have enough wiggle room to really back innovations. Most shows, especially ones with explosive first seasons, have a second season slump and unless the pure form of the show carries it they need their backers to stand by them as they work out how to make the show run long term (see also: Veronica Mars). The writers had to strike because caving on the issues in question would have been disastrous but the medium may never recover...or rather the medium will have to change significantly (see also: Quarterlife, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog) in order to to fully recover.

  5. Why is it that I put off writing my papers for school?

  6. Because you're human.

  7. Anonymous9:15 PM

    Who invented liquid soap and why?

    First of all, great movie! I love the old Cusack comedies. I wish he'd go back to making them.

    Second of all, I have no idea who invented it and why.

    Third of all, Dennis Miller quote (from me?! You're kidding! :) ): "Soft soap in a dispenser for 'messy children.' You know, if your kid can't get bar soap together, do me a favor - hold him back a year, all right? What is this, 'Damien IV: The Shithead,' or what? It's SOAP - wet it, wipe it, good night. What do you need, a fucking schematic for this thing? It's not a detonator for christ's sake, its Camay!"

  8. Yodeling is ESPECIALLY funny when it's being lipsynched.

  9. Anonymous5:20 PM

    love john cusack....