Tuesday, July 07, 2009

10 Philosophical Forays

The other day I alluded to some elaborate dramas I may once have, um, erected in the service of spicing up a relationship with a student of philosophy. Grammar Snob has asked, nay demanded, that I elaborate for today's 10 Things. Against my better judgment I plan to comply.

1. To begin at the beginning there is, of course, Plato. A toga always did nicely for that, plain and simple.

2. Aristotle, not surprisingly, also a toga. This one had to be a lot more elaborate, though, and there was a wreath of laurels, too, all in service of the striptease portion of the evening. Aristotle is a lot more dramatic than Plato.

3. Chrome asked to borrow my Heidegger mustache. She's more than welcome to it but she ought to know that it was...strategically placed.

4. We don't always think of Ben Franklin as a philosopher but he was. I had an extensive rig for that involving a kite and a key and a lot of string. Went through batteries like a mother but totally worth it.

5. I have to say that the Thoreau get up just wasn't my favorite. I didn't so much mind the scratchy grasses and leaves but the endless jokes having to do with the state of "Walden Pond" got tiresome and I inevitably wound up with "ants all over my picnic," if you will.

6. Descartes was a lifesaver. That whole "I think therefore I am" thing was my philosophical answer to "Honey, I've got a headache." The man in question would counter that our Rene would have been more of a tantric kind of a guy but I stood my ground. That generally led to a rousing discussion which served my purpose by getting the man's mind on some actual philosophy and getting me my much-needed rest.

7. At some point we strayed from the hard line of our purpose, if you'll pardon the expression. We decided we could delve into some modern day "philosophers." Some of you might have gone with Lennon or Presley or even Cobain. Being children of the 80s we got a lot of mileage out of The Material Girl. The Madonna get-up worked every time. I think it had something to do with all that crinoline.

8. As I alluded to before there was a John Locke phase. It wasn't so much an exploration of his philosophy as it was a series of puns about locks, keys and the limiting of each other's basic social liberties. 4 stars, I highly recommend.

9. Near the end we devolved into an unofficial homage to Sun Tzu. I would have preferred a little Marxism because I was certainly not seeing any "from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs" going on. I will give The Art of War it's due, though, I prefer to go out with a bang than a whimper.

10. Oh, and I'm sure you're wondering about the most obvious one. For Freud, just a cigar. 'Cause sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and that's a very good thing.


  1. Oh. My. God.

    You are hilarious. THANK you for this; I needed the giggles!

  2. Now I don't have to read that philosophy text that's been sitting on my desk for the last three weeks. Thanks!

  3. You could publish this.
    Vera clever.

  4. Second favorite post EVER. (RDJ hot people still #1, sorry :-)

    I LOVE that you did this and I can't even tell you how much I needed the giggles this morning.

    You are the bomb diggity, my friend! And with that....I'm off to follow some of those links and learn something!

    (oh, and I think Cobain would be too easy...flannel and a heart shaped box is all you'd need!)

  5. That was delightful. Thanks, Ma'am.

    Don't overlook the wondrous philosophy of Mrs. Monty and Python: "Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?"