I Say This With Love

You know I love you. You know that I understand your need to keep everything in your purse and pockets in a very specific order. I know that you're afraid of misplacing things and there's a method to your...m...er...method. I don't think you're crazy. I really don't! I get you.

I want to make a loving suggestion, though. All out of love. All out of a desire to save you pain (and possibly a grisly holiday-themed death).

In this busy season you're going to find yourself in a lot of long lines. They'll be long when you get into them and they'll be long when you get out of them. It's simply the nature of the beast. I want to (lovingly!) suggest that you not, after you have finished your transaction, stand in front of the clerk to put all your things back in your bag and your pockets and tucked safely in your waistband. Especially, just for instance, if you're in the post office. The post office is full of other counters and tables and empty flat surfaces at which no one expects to transact any business.

I know, I know, it's scary to think of moving, even a few feet. I get that you feel as though you could lose something in even that short span of space and time. Let me explain what I do in cases like this. I don't put anything away, even temporarily, in front of the clerk. I hold it all out in front of me. Usually I grip my open bag with one hand and everything else with the other, holding it all about a foot out in front of me so I can see it. Often I don't even manage to stand all the way up so I wind up shuffling toward any available surface like an osteoporosis-suffering supplicant. No matter! This is not about image, it's about safety (and a little bit about courtesy, just sayin'). Keeping it all out in front of me keeps all the bits and pieces (purchases, receipts, money, debit card [I live in terror of misplacing my debit card]) clear not only in my sight but in my mind. When I get to the surface (at the most busy times I have been known to use the floor as a valid surface) I lay it all out just as obviously and there I stand (or sit in the case of those busiest times) putting it all away in the specific pockets and crevices and compartments. I can fold and file and re-package to my heart's content and lose nary a useless coupon for something I don't even want.

And the best part? No one in the line behind me wings the 17lb box of homemade divinity fudge they're sending to grandma at my head. (With love!)