Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Sit Still And Shut Up!

I'm writing about the state of theatre as regards my generation over at the WC today. Would love to have your input.

Since I wrote that piece I have seen In The Next Room (the vibrator play) and have thought of two more things to say.

1. I LOVE SARAH RUHL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love her so much I want to lick her all over like a labrador retriever. A pink, hairless, creepy labrador retriever.

2. For the love of all that is holy please take your children to live theatrical performances. Being an audience member for live theatre is a skill and if you don't use it it gets rusty. And if it gets rusty I may have to kill you using only your Playbill and a half-unwrapped cough drop. Last night, in the midst of a play that I was loving I endured the following:

2 ringing cell phone incidents
Texting/uploading of software to an iPhone
Snapping of plastic water bottle
Opening of carbonated beverage
Coughing (many varietals)
Talking (clarification for the hard of hearing)
Talking (commentary)


Or else...


  1. As a former volunteer usher (5 years at a 1500-seat house), I experienced most of the above on a regular basis, along with sleeping, including snoring; ANSWERING cell phone calls; small squirmy children at very long, adult shows.

    I always thought that it was uncanny how the people who sit right in the middle of the row are always the last to arrive. Our widest row was 50 seats, and it was inevitably seats 25 & 26 that showed up 10 minutes past showtime. Rules varied, but they often had to sit out in the lobby quite a while before we seated them.

  2. I remember a time when someone came to a long drama we were enjoying and opened a bag of Doritos or some such super crunchy chip and started munching. No shit!! Wasn't long before stares of hatred and doom shut them up.

  3. How true.

    My problem, caused by some 20 years of working in the theatre, is I can't sit in the audience. I enjoy shows much better in rehearsal. And to really appreciate a show, I have to see it multiple times - which, of course, was pretty much a given when you work in the theatre.