Sunday, April 25, 2010

Skunked

I wrote a piece about "intimate personal grooming" over at the Colony. In the lead-in I made a joke about the smell of vaginas. Just a joke. Honestly not a huge percentage of commenters got bent about it. It was certainly not the worst brouhaha the Colony has ever seen. Probably not even Top 10. They're always annoying, though. You're going along, doing your own thing, knowing yourself and where you're coming from and you accidentally hit someone's reflex with that little rubber hammer doohickey and suddenly your whole weekend is spent icing your balls, you know?

The one that's been sticking in my craw, though, is the woman who said, "Shame on you!" at the end of her incensed comment. From her seat in the balcony I'm perpetuating stereotypes and denigrating women and ruining the whole vibe of the column. I can see how she might think that. I can't see how she might think that on the strength of one stupid joke after reading what I've written for the past seven months but I can see how it's a possible interpretation of my one liner. But, "Shame on you!" That fucking gets my goat. I'm 42 years old, I am not an errant kindergartner, even when I'm making childish jokes in the name of lightening the motherfucking mood.

You know when a child is in a situation when they're given something and they don't say thank you right away so the parent will say, in front of both parties, in that grating, ascending tone, "Did you say thank you?" thereby completely undercutting any apology? (Yes, I know, it's about learning to say it every time and it has to happen that way for many kids, let's not start that discussion.) I bring it up because my parents have been known to jump in on me with that one even after I reached the age of majority. It's not that I don't say thank you it's that, apparently, they occasionally disagree with my timing. And that, one of the more frustrating things I experience, is exactly what that woman's "Shame on you!" made me feel. I, unwittingly, pushed her button and she managed to fucking body slam mine. I wanted to take the reflex hammer and crack every single one of her school marmy shame gesturing knuckles until she apologized.

But I didn't. Because, though I disagreed most vehemently, I could see how she could have misinterpreted things. Not to mention that succumbing to the freak out when you get your buttons pushed never helped anyone. Instead I had to let it roll around in my own mind all weekend, when I had other, better (SHAKESPEARE CLASS!) things to be doing, until I could write about it objectively.

Sometimes being a grown up sucks stinky vag.

7 comments:

  1. Methinks she doth protest too much. Her cooch is probably a smelly mess.

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  2. I wouldn't presume to speculate about her own personal odor but I do assume that she's been unjustly shamed about her body in the past. Too immediately defensive for me to believe she's only standing up for the good of women everywhere.

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  3. Anonymous10:14 AM

    Kizz,
    I could not believe it when I saw the comments... I thought sarcasm was still allowed in writing and that it was okay to poke a little fun at ourselves every once in a while! I guess now you believe Gloria Steinem should have kept her mouth shut and that women should be home keeping house instead of working! (Okay, my lame attempt at how one little comment discredits all you believe!)

    And, honestly, I didn't even flinch when I read it in so much as I had to go back and see what all the "stink" was about.
    Betsy

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  4. My eyes just blipped right over the remark the first time, so when I read the first critique I had to go back and figure out what the fuss was all about.

    I didn't have a quarrel with the comment that ended with "shame on you" but what I didn't like was that after you came back with a "sorry", she doubled down and refused to accept it.

    I think many flame wars originate from the inability to accept an apology or explanation.

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  5. To be a strict interpreter and to be fair to her I didn't apologize (nor will I) and I haven't explained yet. I politely asked her and all the others to zip their lips until later. Politely and without condescending which is, I think, key. As far as the spirit of the comment vs. the letter of it, though, yeah, when she just kept swinging I realized that it was time for me to get my stinky ass out of the comments section and wait to write this week's column. You will be unsurprised about the topic, I'm sure.

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  6. Oh, how I know what button pushers can do to us. I had to write a "fuck you" post to one of my long-time button pushers (but I had to do it privately because, God knows, I don't want to start THAT again!).

    I am consistently amazed by how many people are so enamored of their own outrage that they don't stop to really HEAR what's really going on.

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  7. Anonymous4:03 PM

    Kizz,
    I just had to send this... I read it in a blog: Once you go there with a waxer - you're as close as you can get to someone without a hangover and the hope of avoiding them at next year's sales conference.
    Hope it gives you a bit of a laugh and smile today!
    Betsy

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