Monday, May 10, 2010

A Day That Will...Oh Forget It

Today was a day that began with a heaping spoonful of ambition. I was up at 6:30. I warmed up my body and my voice. I selected the perfect outfit to get me from home to work to lunch with an old friend to Shakespeare class and then home again in what promises to be frigid weather (for the season). I strode purposely out the door, my hand clawed around the rather fragile carrying mechanism for my grandmother's old pie carrier. It's filled with cookies for my class mates.

All was going well until around 10:45 when, as happens to me, my nose began to bleed. And it wound up being another one of those ones where I had to sit quietly in the foyer of the ladies' room telling myself to chill the fuck out. I had to get ice and ice my face and people looked in periodically to check on me. Just when I thought I had it licked I had a nice giggle with a co-worker and the gusher resume. I got it under control and went back to work for a bit before my lunch.

The lunch was, as expected, a perfect joy. My friend got into Kings College in London and will be moving there in September to pursue her PhD. She's doing very well and it was a treat to catch up. It was hard to get myself going to the restaurant, though, in my post-bleed blahs. Now I'm back and the feeling is well nigh overwhelming. Perhaps I'm a drama queen, perhaps I lost more blood than I thought, perhaps I am just lazy but I always feel after these nose bleeds like I just want to take the rest of the day off from exertion. And yet...I have class tonight and class waits for no one.

Tonight's format is that we'll all come in, we'll do a little work together then we students will wait outside the rehearsal room and go in one by one to simulate a proper audition. Then we'll all come back in together and talk about it, maybe do a little more work then we'll go out again and audition again. If we're very good at time management we'll have one more cycle before it's time to go.

The thing about auditions is that, very often, the more you want something the less well your audition will go. Is it a tempting fate thing? Is it a too firm a grip squelching natural instincts thing? Is it a self-sabotage thing? Who knows? It's the auditions that you walk into with an air of nonchalance, the ones where, sure, you'd like the job but you could take it or leave it where you wind up giving the performance of a lifetime while charming the pants off the auditors.

I would very much like to do tonight's audition well. I would like to rock that shit. I don't want April to be disappointed in me and I want to have wrung every drop of learning out of this short time we've had together. I got up early yesterday to rehearse and early this morning to warm up so I could have a shot at being the most prepared, engaged, present actor in a room full of people who are clearly, despite our brief acquaintance, very good at what they do.

Then my nose bled and my face hurts and I kind of just want to eat cookies and lounge around and not think about stupid Bill Shakes any more today. I'm just finding it hard to care.

I am going to knock this audition out of the park!


  1. These nose bleeds are worrying. Have you looked into it?

  2. I have. I have dehydration issues and I'm not managing them as well as I thought. I also think that there's one specific spot inside my left sinus that's weak or vulnerable or something. I, perhaps, need a tiny Dutch boy to go in there and hold a finger against the spot.