Thursday, October 21, 2010

Rut Ro Indeed!

I have made a stink about not being a "small dog person." I hope you understand. I don't have anything against small dogs, you know except for the fact that only small dogs have ever bitten me, but I'm willing to take my share of the blame on at least one of those. I have to admit, though, that I do have a bit of a prejudice against "small dog people." Yeah, I don't exactly know how to define it either, so please don't take offense if you have a small dog. You're probably not the kind of person I'm talking about.

There are things, though, that I am holding fast to in regard to my small dog. He has to walk on his own. He has to walk for long stretches. He doesn't have to walk so god damned fast, but I'm OK with that. Anything to get him tired. Sometimes, when he's being a pill, it's hard to resist just picking him up to remove him from a situation but if I wouldn't pick up a rottie I shouldn't pick up a....whatever he is. So I try hard not to. The barking is uncool. Any barking from any size dog is really not my favorite but especially that piercing high pitched craziness that comes from a dog his size makes me want to club baby seals just to make it stop. We work a lot on not barking. This week we are failing. I walk a fine line with dressing him up just because they make clothes for him. On the one hand I wouldn't dress a Newf when it rained. On the other hand Eddie gets cold. He's got one coat now and I can't decide whether I regret not buying him the $45 custom fit perfect coat from Rut Ro last week. I won't let him freeze but I'm working to make his clothing of necessity rather than whim. Also, that shit is fucking expensive and I'd rather spend the money on toys than clothes. He shouldn't jump on people to greet them. He's actually pretty good at that. He needs to be able to play with all sizes of dogs and not get wigged out. He's also relatively good at that. Just wait until you see the photos of him playing tug of war with Bobby.

Between last night and this morning, though, I'm in the small dog person camp. At least I've got a foot inside the tent flap. I think a lot of the things that I object to people doing with or for their small dogs has to do with being protective. As dog people (size undifferentiated) we are advocates for our dogs. We are supposed to be protective to some extent. The first couple of times I took Ed to the green market I carried him because I just couldn't imagine how he wouldn't get stepped on but I've worked it out. Now I'm figuring out how to keep him from sneaking up and barking at people while I try to buy carrots.

Now, the incident this morning was annoying but not so bad. We were passing a deli and Eddie noticed a guy inside headed out. For whatever tiny doggy-brained reason he decided the gentleman had evil intent and did some mild lunging and some truly depraved barking. I corrected him, and began just walking away since I knew there would be no quieting down if we stuck around. The guy in question came to the door of the deli and barked back. If I'm honest I have to give him credit for a pitch perfect impersonation but, dude, not helping. Not helping at all. Dog got more wound up, both literally and figuratively. I didn't pick him up but that might have had something to do with the fact that he'd effectively hog tied me with the leash by then. Do you think that fuckwit would have  barked back at a German Shepherd? I don't.

Last night was the real eye opener. We were taking one last turn around the block so Eddie was thoroughly empty before bed. As we passed the bank on the corner I noticed movement in my peripheral vision. There's a bus stop right there so often cars park in the bus stop and people pop out to use the ATM. Since they don't want to get ticketed they tend to move pretty quickly. I turned enough to see someone getting out of a car so I adjusted us out of the trajectory between car and bank and let Eddie keep sniffing. The girl, I could see now it was a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt, changed her flight plan and headed straight for us. I sort of pulled back but was trying to work out where she was going so I could get out of her way. She was moving pretty quick and she thrust her arms out in front of her and then she was leaning down. Eddie got it before I did. He whipped around to face her and backed up so he was close against me and then he barked loud and clear. That crazy chick was going to....what? Pick him up? Snatch him from me? Pet him? What the fuckity fucking fuck? It wasn't going to be a good choice, whatever it was. When he barked she straightened up and went back to the car. Frankly she was kind of indignant. As I gaped, astonished, after her I heard her say something to her companions about "she" and "scared." I don't know if she thought Eddie was a she and he got scared or if she was talking about me. She seemed to think scared was funny. Maybe she'd been purposely trying to scare me. I can't begin to understand. I know she doesn't understand either. She hasn't a blessed clue how hard I want to punch her in ignorant laugh-hole even 12 hours later.

So I get it now. I get why people pick up their dogs, keep them close, let them act out. It's protection they need. I've always said that dogs are just fine.

It's the people who have their heads up their asses.


  1. It's easy to correct the dog. Not so easy to correct bad human behavior.

    Eddie is just so cute.

  2. doh, since when do you lunge at someone else's dog??? insane. petting a dog that sniffs me, and the owner doesn't pull him away ... that's assumed to be fine. heads up their asses indeed, sorry you had to deal with her.

  3. well, still a mighty cute little dog, Napolean complex included :)

  4. She didn't say "hi" or "cute dog" or "can I pet him" or - you know, somehow make noises that might have clued Eddie in that there was a human in the vicinity? (She was human, right? Lots of martians around Myrtle Ave. that time of night.... *asshole* martians.)

  5. Oh, good post! I am a recovering large-dog owner. Meaning I now have a small dog (Smudge). We treat her like a large dog, however: she doesn't sleep with us at night; she doesn't wear dresses; and we don't walk her in a stroller. Yes, some people around here walk their dogs in strollers. Don't get me started.

    What sends me through the roof? People who bring small kids to the park to PLAY WITH DOGS. Like it's freaking petting zoo! Smudge hates kids, and I can't tell you how pissed I get when parents let their kids run at her -- because she's small -- and then get all indignant when she growls.

  6. freaky people out there. i cant wait to meet Eddie!

  7. What a darling in that picture!