Sunday, November 28, 2010

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Do The Dishes

I have anxiety issues. It's no secret. I'm less anxious than many of my friends and far more anxious than others. I've been this way for pretty much all my life. I used to believe that the whole world was like a movie set and they ("they"?!?!) were changing the set instead of my family actually going anywhere. I can't be the only one who thought this since someone eventually made The Truman Show.

My anxiety, when it decides to really kick me in the pants, manifests in snake-related ways. I've got snake phobia. It's not unique but it's mine.

On Friday night, after having a successful and fun-filled couple of days, as I headed to bed I thought, "I something. I'm probably going to have a problem tonight." But it was such a tiny feeling I ignored it. Because, as I've told you before, I have trouble assigning the appropriate level of importance to any situation. I was exhausted. I just went to bed.

Not an hour later I'm having a relatively vivid dream that I'm in my kitchen cleaning up (because my dreams stick super close to my reality if they want to fuck with me) and I'm holding the dog for some reason and I hear Pony Express say, "Watch out for the snake." It was conversational in tone she could have been telling me to watch out for a spill or an animal or a hot pan. The dog was in the way of my line of sight so I couldn't see the snake but I knew it was on the way into my tiny galley kitchen meaning I was trapped. It was genius, super subtle but hurled with pin point accuracy at my weakest spot.

I practically shot out of that bed.

Tried to convince myself it was nothing and I could go back to sleep. My skin was crawling and despite being exhausted I just wasn't going to be going back to sleep. So I put on a movie and turned on the light and dozed on and off all night. Last night too.

It should come as no surprise that as of today I'm sick. Not dying or anything but slight head cold with scratchy throat. My feet now smell of Vicks and don't leave your drink next to me because I'm sucking down all the liquids I can get my hands on. It's a hell of a way to end a really great (almost) week off.

Feel free to recommend good movies to sleep to. I suspect this particular attack of the anxieties is going to last a while.


  1. Anonymous12:04 AM

    My I can't sleep movie is When Harry Met Sally. Though I'm not sure if people that actually live in New York like that movie. Living in Seattle I can't watch Frasier, Sleepless in Seattle, etc., because it's so inaccurate to the actual city.

  2. Yesterday I watched THREE yes THREE John Grisham movies on TV as I was sick too - horrible hacking cough and sore throat. Bah. Hope we are both feeling better soon. Oddly enough I get anxious when I get sick - something about how I "can't be sick" what will people think if I call in sick -panic, anxious, panic. LOL silly us!

  3. I used to have a much harder time wrangling my anxiety. Things are a lot different for me now. Maybe one day I'll tell you my secret.

    Mucinex D 12 hour in the orange box. That's what's clearing up my head cold.

    I hear Labyrinth is a good movie to fall asleep too.

  4. Anonymous4:59 PM

    So sorry, hope you're feeling better? A total favorite movie of mine is What's Eating Gilbert Grape, I could watch it every night I think.