Couple of Things You Might Want To Know About Me

There are a couple of things you should know if I patronize your business. The biggie is that if I speak up about a problem it won't be the first time something has gone wrong. Every person and every business can have a bad day. I have a pathological fear of being condemned for a one time misstep so, in the vain hope of fooling karma, I try very hard not to condemn anyone else on the same slight evidence. So, if I'm standing in front of you telling you that I've had to wait or I've been spoken down to or my service has been in some way subpar you would be well served to take in that this will not have been the first time that such a thing has happened.

It might not even be the second.

Next up, I don't believe in healing conversations. I don't think they heal anyone. The good news about this for you is I'm not going to say anything at all, no matter how many times I've been displeased, if I don't have a reasonable expectation of satisfaction. More good news for you, being heard and a short yet heartfelt apology is often enough to reset my clock and I'll sit through one or more (and let's be honest it's more than two, too) slights again before I speak up. I'm willing to bet I'm the easiest patient, er, client you'll ever deal with. Or second only to the people who just quietly seek service elsewhere. The bad news for you is that if, upon hearing me mention the multiple difficulties I feel need rectification your response is to address only what's happened today and/or to tell me what a busy day you're having you will enrage me. Rage brings me out of myself. It makes me do things I don't normally want or like to do.

Now thirdly, I don't like change. Even as an adult who knows that change will do you good, as they say, I'm not exactly delighted to take action to change my life. I'm amazed at how much good news for you, the vendor, there is in this little advice column. Here's more: I don't want to leave you. I don't want to go to a different deli for coke, take a different train to work or a different route to the park for morning off leash. I stayed in a relationship with no sexual contact whatsoever for upwards of two years. You can imagine how difficult it would be to inspire me to change a job or, you know, just spitballing here for example, a vet. The bad news, little bit of it, is that once I've got the rage I'll start seeking my services in goddamned Kansas if I have to just to leave you and your complete inability to listen to a customer.

What's great for me is that I won't have to go to Kansas. I won't even have to go to Jersey. I am fortunate enough to live in an area that boasts a nice selection of vendors for pretty much everything. I also understand that it cuts both ways so I will not be the least bit surprised if, again I'm just reaching here for an example of some service I pay good money for, let's say if I'm standing in front of you with my cat who has just been diagnosed with his second high maintenance but non-life-threatening disorder and you aren't interested in that business. I mean, the cat's 11 and we've only spent $1000 on him with you this month, how much good can that possibly do for your struggling business?

I just thought I'd mention, though, how easy it would be to keep us. Just in case your practice needed a little help.