Or Should I Say IF

I'm so bad when my schedule gets thrown off. Today's schedule was pushed back because the dog had to be bathed. Why? I'm sure you ask, since I'm not exactly a fastidious dog washer. Well, my dog likes to hump pugs and this morning he went to town on Winston, one of his favorites. Unfortunately Winston's ass was smeared in poo. So my dog's entire undercarriage needed a swabbing.

Blick.

While I was gathering the necessary items to torture/bathe my dog/tormenter my mom called and told me, among other things, this story:

She, one of the developmentally disabled adults she helps, and her best friend, SoDivine, have been enjoying going to church suppers together. It's only $8-10 for a full dinner and, at the right churches, all the pie you can eat. Well, apparently they went to one a little while ago and the pies weren't homemade they were store bought. (Scandal!) There's one on the schedule for this week but SoDivine said she wasn't going to go if there weren't going to be homemade pies. Store bought ones just weren't worth it. So my mom called up the minister and asked if the pies would be bought or hand made.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. You might think I'm laughing at my mom or at SoDivine but I assure you I'm not. I'm laughing at myself. No, really, because when I grow up I'm going to be that woman. If there's a church supper we're thinking of going to and you say you won't go because last time there were store bought pies and that's not worth it, I'm totally going to call the minister and find out. I don't care where the pies come from, I prefer the homemade but, frankly, if someone else is making dinner and cleaning up my give a shit about the origins of the meal goes way, way down. I'll call the minister and find out what kind of pies there are going to be, though, just so you'll be quiet and keep me company.

In case you're wondering the minister promised high quality pie so they're going.