Thursday, June 21, 2012

I know I know

Thumbs UpStarting to get a little warmish, huh?

We're probably going to top 100F in some parts of New York City today. For this I am actually kind of grateful. I was worried it'd never get warm (in between the times I was worried we'd all broil like fish) this summer. You're getting a lot of advice from your journalists these days, I'm sure, and it's good, too. You should drink a bunch of water, not drink alcohol while sunbathing in the middle of Main Street, and check on Grandma frequently. Let me give you a couple of other tips, too, because I believe that, even though you may not love the heat like I do, you can tolerate it better if you quit blowing hot air*.

 - Slow. The fuck. Down. You might be late for some stuff today. You might not get some things done. That's OK. Everyone is moving slower today because it's too hot to move fast. Just do your best. If you go out on a run today and then complain of the heat I will be forced to guffaw in your face. You don't want more hot air in your face.

 - Don't stay in a super cooled environment too long. It's only going to make going out in the heat feel worse for the comparison. It also, according to my unscientific calculations, makes it harder to adjust to the heat. If you're forced to be in a place that's arctic, say it's your office, then make sure to take time to go out in the middle of the day so you can acclimate yourself a little. Walk a couple of blocks and get yourself a treat.

 - Speaking of treats, this is the day you're allowed to have as much ice cream, sorbet, slushie, shaved ice, iced coffee as you want. Don't miss the chance! If you choose small servings you'll be able to finish them before they melt. Then you can choose a different treat!

 - Really do follow the energy guidelines about setting your home air conditioner. I haven't turned mine on yet, and I don't plan to, but when I do I set it at 78F or 80F. Then I use fans to move the air around the room. If you don't move the air it's going to take more work from the AC (and more money from you) to feel cool.

 - You should have at least one fan, preferably oscillating, directed at your bed.

 - Just before you go to bed jump into a cool shower. It doesn't have to be frigid but make sure you spend enough time in there that you get thoroughly wet down, even (especially) your hair. Go directly to bed in front of your (preferably oscillating) fan and do your best to calm your mind and fall asleep before the miracle cooling properties of evaporation wear off.

 - Soak a washcloth in water and ring it out until it's not dripping but just barely not. Fold it up so it doesn't take up too much space in the freezer. Once it's frozen you can bring it out, unfold it, and lay it on any part of your body to cool you off. Bonus cooling when you perform this action in front of your (preferably oscillating) fan. If you're hard core you can also use those reusable ice packs for injuries. I don't recommend frozen veggies in a bag simply because it's a waste of frozen veggies in bag.

 - Think cool, happy, funny thoughts. Lighten up. Let me link you to some things I think are funny in case you need a kick start.

Tweets from hockey players reacting to Lebron James on-court histrionics.
Protest signs from the capital of MI after a legislator was silenced for using the word VAGINA. 
Retail sign possibly arranged by Peter Pan.
No-bake lemon truffles. (Probably won't make you laugh but I bet they take your mind off the heat.)
Hilarious (or possibly creepy) photo of a sleepy giraffe.
I don't know about you but the way these kids are smiling in these presidential photo opps makes me smile, too.
A giggle for anyone who has ever lived with someone who is never ready to leave the house when it's time.
Honestly, this one's more of an Awwwwwwwww than a laugh but still worth the click.
Let me start you down a rabbit hole with this one. It's one of many videos of Lance the Corgi doing tricks. What's funnier than a corgi walking backwards? You're about to find out!

OK, keep breathing everyone. You'll be fine. I promise.

*It's different when I bellyache about the cold because my tears keep me warm, like peeing in your wetsuit.

**Picture of me telling Queen Bee she didn't have to come rescue me. That ocean there is off the coast of Maine so there was a better-than-average chance my feet would freeze right off my ankles.


  1. I like the wet-hair treatment for outdoor use, too (if you can manage it during the work day). Also a fan of the damp bandana - and I have one of those stupid cooling neckerchief things with some kind of hydrogel in them. I typically use it twice a year, and since I didn't yesterday, I believe we can count on at least one more Hot-as-Hades event this summer.

    That hockey/Lebron thing is hilarious. Also, the protest signs are glorious - plus, it's so nice to see happy outraged people, instead of miserable ones.

    Also, holy dog-treats, Lance the corgi!

    Sara-friendly truffle research starts today.

  2. I've planned summer clothes for my visit. I can fit more of these in the carry on. I figured if I needed a sweater, I'd borrow one.

  3. now i know why [adult] hyenas are so scary looking...they look like they don't have eyes! And speaking of scary, did you see the names of some of the people who commented on that picture? ROFLMAO!!!

  4. I looked at them just now. Squirt Blossom has to be my favorite!