Tuesday, July 17, 2012

2nd Amendment Scenarios

UntitledYou may remember Steven Weber from a long ago sitcom, Wings. He played the loveable, hunky screw up. No matter what he did everyone thought he was the bees knees. In reality Weber is a sharply witted political liberal with a penchant for pissing people off. I'm aligned with most of his views and even I get a little put off sometimes. When a fan from his rom com days is offended by his true persona they'll often make a point of letting him know how disappointing he is on Twitter before doing the sensible thing and unfollowing him. There's a reason I don't follow Adam Baldwin on Twitter. There's no reason I had to make sure he knows about it.

Weber will, as often as not, take the time to retweet these notifications of perceived betrayal. Some of them are pretty disturbing but his openness in reposting them gives fans the opportunity to giggle, if only in a nervous, hide-your-granny kind of way. This morning's gem was, "Yuck show some class you pinko godless heathen too bad Hussein Obama took my gun away." It got me to thinking that there are very few scenarios in which President Obama could actually have taken this dude's gun away. I mean, the 2nd Amendment is still intact and gun control laws are still, to the best of my knowledge, the same as they were under Bush, mostly because the Republicans are spending all their time making sure that women have to carry the bullets rather than worrying about who's stockpiling the guns. I did come up with one (barely) plausible narrative to justify this guy's fears that I'd like to share with you.

Scene: This guy's house. Exterior. Day. President Barack Obama (PBO) approaches the front door and knocks. After a moment This Guy (TG) answers the door carrying a gun.

PBO: Hi, I'm President Barack Obama. I wanted to stop by and say hello. 

TG: You suck!

PBO: I get that a lot around here. No worries, I won't stay long. Hey, nice gun.

TG: Mine! (clutches gun to chest)

PBO: 2nd Amendment, dude, I know. Rock on.

TG: ...

PBO: Can I see your gun?

TG: No! Mine!

PBO: Please?

TG: You pinko godless heathen!

PBO: Just for second. I just want to see what that writing is on the side. I'll give it right back.

TG: That sounds like a trick.

PBO: (holds up three fingers in a boy scout salute) Scout's honor, I won't take it.

TG: Well....just for a second. (Begins to hand over the gun) Careful!

PBO gently takes the gun, peers closely at the lettering then bolts and hides behind a Secret Service agent.

PBO: Ha ha, I had my fingers crossed! (Shows crossed fingers, jumps into armored limo, limo speeds away.)

Please feel free to leave other possible scenarios in the comments section.


  1. hahaha, sorry, too busy laughing at yours!!!

  2. The guy's voting history is that of an anti-gun individual. Same thing goes for Mittens. As someone who thoroughly enjoys shooting sports, hunting, and heck, just spending time with friends at the range, I consider our current president someone to watch. If he gets another term in office, outright paranoia isn't necessarily warranted, but a healthy dose of concern absolutely is. Baldwin just tends to take it to extremes.

    That said, I don't trust any of the popular politicians. None of them are actually on "our" side - they're all playing for the same team, and it isn't the one that benefits the public.

  3. One to watch perhaps but he hasn't had a chance to do anything to watch on this particular subject. The guy in the quote is clearly saying that his rights have already been infringed on by this president and they have not. I was counting on you to tell me about it if I was wrong about that and you didn't so now I can go forward saying so without qualification. So, might he in the future impair this dude's ability to kill a guy he disagrees with? Sure. Has he already prevented this kookoopants from knocking off an actor expressing an opinion? No he has not.

    For the record it wasn't Baldwin's gun control views I quit him for.

  4. i know you weren't picking on Baldwin's gun control views. :)

    just because the individual in office happens to be anti-gun doesn't mean he immediately infringes on our rights simply by filling that position. that requires action, and he's been ultra careful about avoiding that sort of action. maybe it's out of self-preservation, or maybe he's just stuck it on the back burner for his second term plan (you know, when he doesn't have to worry about campaigning for reelection). only time will tell.

    now, regarding that particular bit of crazypants...that's someone who shouldn't have a firearm. like, ever. not even a rubber band gun. threatening people over the internet for having an opinion is completely counterproductive, scares the general public, and continues to make firearms a hotbutton issue. and did i mention they're scary as fuck? yeah. no thank you.

  5. Which is why I feel comfortable making fun of them. Also feel a little regret over not checking his profile to make sure he doesn't live next door.

  6. he's probably somewhere in the Deep South. no pro-gun person would live in NYC...or D.C....or Chicago...or anywhere in NYS or NJ.

  7. Except maybe all the folks who run guns to my neighborhood from SC. Did I tell you about the time I came out to walk the dog and one poor police tech was cataloging a hundred little yellow tents over casings?

  8. well, see, i'm talking about the legal people. criminals don't factor into my thought process when discussing pro-2A folks.

  9. But I think that, when looking at how politicians approach gun rights, you have to factor them in. They're part of your community, the same way they're part of mine. We both wish they weren't probably but we don't get to say, we have to handle our lives with the knowledge that they're part of the village. As a society we have to balance how we handle our rights with the safety of our community. We can't just pretend that people who abuse those rights aren't part of the discussion.

    Have you watched The Walking Dead? There's some interesting right to bear arms discussion that plays through the first season or so. It's so personalized that it almost gets away with not being labeled as such but that's totally what it is.

  10. Let's be clear - people who think there should be some reasonable rules (yea, verily, and even laws) about acquiring guns are not against the 2nd Amendment. (And I know folks in NYC who quite enjoy the shooting range.)

    If 2A has been drafted in a different era, it would be a right-to-bear-car-keys discussion. Somehow, we're OK with registering our cars, and placing restrictions on folks with terrible driving records, seizures, and other conditions where being behind a wheel would endanger the public (and themselves). Interesting. I realize no one is proposing a "right to drive" - but just try to take away someone's right to do that without a very good reason... I think it's mighty close to most people's hearts.

  11. Rachel from Maine9:50 AM

    Thank you for a fabulous laugh this morning, Kizz. "Pinko godless heathen"? From where do these people get this?!

  12. Not only has Obama not taken anyone's rights away, gun rights have EXPANDED since he took office. You can now carry in national parks. Take that, campers! And not only has he never even casually mentioned any restrictions, no matter how commonsensical, he couldn't pass any anyway. Too much of congress is terrified of Wayne LaPierre and his paranoid minions.

  13. Miflohny2:20 PM

    When it seems to be politically impossible to even pass laws banning lead in bullets & fishing tackle, no one should be particularly concerned about any gun control legislation being passed, sensible as it may be. (Lead from bullets & tackle is building up in the environment - in one Montana study, 85 percent of golden eagles and 97 percent of bald eagles sampled had elevated blood-lead levels, which will, by the way, kill them.)

    What I find interesting is that the tweeter started his comment with, "show some class," something that he was seriously lacking.