Tuesday, September 24, 2013


Irina & Soliony LAPA 1995Prompted by a friend's status update I spent a portion of my lunch break searching the internet for a couple of ex-boyfriends. If I can teach you one lesson about such a thing it would be; date people with unusual names and/or a strong social media presence. These two guys are such a disappointment! One of them is a performer with a credit on a high profile industry site as recent as 2009 but no Facebook, no Twitter, not even a godforsaken LinkedIn. The other one has at least two out of three of those things  but they're locked down tight. Even his profile pics are maddeningly manipulated.

I'm not looking to rekindle any flames, truly I'm not. All I'm looking for is a peek into their current lives, some fodder for speculation, and a nice cup of nostalgia with my microwaved burrito bowl. Is that so much to ask? As exes go I think I provide the perfect google experience. I have an entertaining twitter account and a public blog. Anyone who wants to can stay anonymous while they swing by, catch up on some photos and anecdotes, then go on to have a wistful 5 minute daydream about how sorry they are to have lost me what might have been had we not come to our senses. It's like a handcrafted breakup gift for the modern age.

Despite the deplorable lack of source material I did manage to have a few fond moments of remembrance between bites of chewy tortilla and undercooked rice. From those moments come today's second lesson, courtesy of one of the aforementioned gentlemen; do not ever tell someone that she needs to agree to marry you or you'll never speak to her again. If she's worth marrying she'll say, "Wow. That's too bad. I'll miss you."

And then she'll blog about it.

*This photo is not one of the guys I googled. I can't even remember this guy's last name. To be honest I think I have his first name wrong, too. Lovely man, though, just a delight.


  1. My name is so common that there's another one of me at work (and people send us the wrong email ALL the time). On google, I have never even found myself. I kind of like that.

  2. If it makes you feel any better, I can't remember EITHER of his names, and I took the picture!!! I do recall his character's name, though (that's a lot of help I know). However, I will continue to ponder it... or look to see if I can find the original photo and see if I was smart enough to write it on the back at the time...

  3. my name is too rare, so my facebook and linkedin profiles are locked down tight.

  4. hmm. my old boyfriends are terribly boring, and not a one of them seems to be on facebook or twitter, or have a blog, or do anything at all on the internet.